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Spending Thoughts: Do You Prefer to Have, Or to Do?

By Lily Bradshaw September 06, 2024 Lifestyle

Most of us have a certain amount of disposable income that we need to decide how, and where, to spend. There are always a million things to spend your money on, but basically, it comes down to two things. Do you want to have things, for example, big house, nice car, new clothes, etc.? Or do you want to do things, for example go to a restaurant, watch a show, go on holiday?

Sometimes it is a difficult choice, and we may be torn between the two. I guess then it must come down to what you need, rather than what you want. If you need a new car, you might not be able to have a holiday. Most of us are making these types of choices on a regular basis.

Having

Having things is always nice. We can treat ourselves to a lovely dress, new pair of shoes, etc.; it makes us feel good, and don’t we all deserve it! But how long does that feeling of elation from your purchase really last? How many things have you bought in the past, that you no longer use or wear; that are lying somewhere in a drawer or at the back of your wardrobe? I think that is why car boots are so busy!

Doing

Doing things is a little different. When you do things, you create memories. If you go on holiday, you can remember where you went, what you did, how you felt. You can recall the weather, the sunsets, the people you met, the experiences you had. If you go to the theatre, you can remember the play, the storyline, the actors, the atmosphere.

What’s the Difference?

When youhavethings, they are your responsibility. You have to store them, look after them and, probably, eventually decide to get rid of them. The money you spent on buying them is gone, they are of little value, either financially or emotionally.

When you do things, you are experiencing new things, you are making memories, you are learning, perhaps meeting new people, developing your skills. You can take these memories out any time you want and re-live them over and over again. That sounds like good value for money to me. :)

Cost Per Memory

Over the years, I have come to value things differently. I call it ‘my cost per memory’. For example, you are sitting in the most idyllic location, perhaps watching the sunset over the ocean. You order a drink, and it is quite a bit more than you would normally pay. How does that make you feel? Are you ok with the higher price, or does it make you feel a little exploited?

The way I see it is… how often do you remember going to the coffee shop in the high street, or having a glass of wine in your local pub? Will you remember it next month or next year? If I am enjoying the moment in a wonderful location, and the memory will stay with me for a long time, then for me, it is worth the extra money. :)

Different Perspectives

I am sure some of you would rather have than do, and that is absolutely fine. You may drive up to your house and get so much pleasure, the cost of owning it is worth it. Or you may wear an expensive dress that makes you feel a million dollars. That’s fantastic!

For me, give me a pair of flip flops and an exciting destination any day. I love adventures! I enjoy the excitement of not knowing who I will meet, or what is going to happen. But we are all different and that is what makes this world, and this community, so truly wonderful! Thank you for being part of it. :)

Let’s Start a Conversation:

What do you prefer, having or doing? Do you pay for things based on ‘cost per memory’? What memory can you share of something you bought or did that has stayed with you over the long term?

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Ava

As I’ve gotten older I value experiences more both for myself and to share. I like creating family memories that we can reminisce on together. They don’t have to be big things; in fact I prefer smaller impulsive things like “let’s try this new restaurant that sounds cool”, or “I read about this beautiful hot springs in the desert. Let’s go check it out.” It gives me an excuse for a quick get together with my busy son and DIL.

lilybradshaw88

Hi Ava, thanks for joining in.That sounds like a wonderful thing to do! Sometimes life gets busy and we may forget what is important. You make sure you, and the people you love, will have memories to last a lifetime. Lily x

Jane

I absolutely love jewellery. I find it amazing that my very best pieces turn up in a shop when I haven’t planned for them. I cannot resist. I like to take my daughter out for a.slap-up meal with or without grandchildren.

lilybradshaw88

Hi Jane, thanks for joining the conversation. A women after my own heart! Its so much fun looking and seeing what turns up :) Lily x

Vickie Taylor

I am definitely in the “do” stage of life. We went to Italy for Christmas (no gifts) and it was pure magic. Just got back from Alaska and it was spectacular. Planning a trip to Ireland. At the same time I am purging the “stuff” in my house. I don’t want my kids to have to do that one day.

lilybradshaw88

Hi Vickie, thanks for joining in. You have created a beautiful life for yourself, as well as saving your kids the heartbreak of sorting your things. What a lovely, thoughtful mum! Lily x

Trixie

Ironic! I was just contemplating this exact question and the motivation behind it. I am a 64y retired healthy active woman and ready to…have or do? I default to “have” every time and I think I know why — what I get is a known and tangible thing and when I think about “doing”, the chances of not enjoying it or feeling it’s not worth it overrides my decision. If I spend X on a vacation/activity and I don’t enjoy it I feel disappointed, maybe even a bit mad at myself. I guess it’s a risk/reward calculus for me. Interesting article – Thanks!

lilybradshaw88

Hi Trixie, thanks for joining the conversation. Thank you too for your kind words :) It can be a tough decision to make. You just have to look at everything, and make the decision that’s right for you.I was more a have person, until I reached my sixties, and am now definitely more of a do person. I have just spent. year travelling the world on my own! Lily x

Brenda Nau

Interesting article. I am considering a European trip with my family but the airfares are so high and I know the cost of everything in Europe will be high. A person recently said to me “choose your family” when you have travel companion options. I know it will be expensive and I am so programmed to “save” money for the future it’s difficult for my mindset to spend. Your article states “make memories” so that is what I will do with my family. I am 81 years old but it is difficult to change that “save for a rainy day” mentality.
Thanks for the nudge toward making memories.

lilybradshaw88

Hi Brenda, thanks for joining the conversation. I am pleased you found the article interesting :) You sound like a wonderful woman who considers everyone before yourself. I am sure if you asked your loved ones if they would rather you left them money, or memories, they would say memories. So keep making a million more of them! Lily x

Linda

The only countries in Europe I have found to be really expensive are Denmark and Switzerland. I have lived in the latter for nearly 9 years now and sometimes visit Copenhagen and the surrounding area in Denmark.

Other countries are relatively cheap, I often shop in Germany as I’m on the border and can go there by bus or tram. I have just recently visited Sofia in Bulgaria for a wedding, everything was super cheap there.

lilybradshaw88

I agree Linda. I used to live in France and it much cheaper than the Uk, the same with Spain and Bulgaria :) Lily x

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The Author

Lily Bradshaw has had an interesting and varied career. Twenty years working as a psychotherapist and part time lecturer, followed by 20 years of writing educational courses. Now she is enjoying semi retirement writing books and articles that interest her, mostly about having fun and enjoying life. She has spent the last 2 years travelling solo.

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