Coffee with a Friend: What’s So Special About It?

She likes coffee. I like tea. We both love munching on oat biscuits (cookies to American readers). We are sitting in her living room, in an apartment with a beautiful view overlooking London.

We have known each other for years and enjoy a morning catch-up when we can. We chat about how we have been, what we have been up to and how the family are doing. We tell stories about our lives and have the occasional laugh.

On almost every visit, I go out on her balcony to marvel at the many buildings around us – as well as her tomato plants growing happily on the 36^th floor.

The Point

Why in the world am I telling you this? It is completely commonplace all over the world for women of all backgrounds to visit and chat.

Well, I am 82 and she has just turned 100. And while you may say, well, that’s not so amazing, there are plenty of centenarians about, my guess is that it is not how you picture a 100-year-old woman in your head.

Yes, older women have a chit-chat all the time – including women in their 60s or 70s or 80s.

But people who have reached 100 – well, that’s something else. They must be in a care home, sitting in front of the television. Or too gaga to know where they are. Not sitting with an old friend in an ordinary way, eating biscuits and showing off tomato plants.

Age Has Never Been the Point

That is why I am writing about this. Because sometimes the very old – and 100 is definitely very old – carry on with their lives in the same way as before.

Some specifics vary – young people would be talking about their parents or siblings, middle aged people might be talking about their children and, possibly, parents.

We talk about all different generations. My grandchildren and her great-grand-children are almost the same ages – all teenage boys – and we talk about them and what they are doing.

When Does ‘Old Age’ Begin?

Once you are over 60, you know you are old. But there is ‘young old’, which is where you are at 60 and ‘old old’, which used to be said to start at 75. Perhaps now at 80.

It seems that many 60-year-olds think that ‘old age’ starts at 75, according to a recent German study published in the American Psychological Society’s journal, Psychology and Ageing.

Indeed, the same study found that people’s view of when old age begins increases as they themselves age. That doesn’t seem very surprising.

My friend says you aren’t really old until you’re 90.

Being a Centenarian

The thing about people who are very old is that some of the numbers and dates do make you stop and think.

My friend was born in 1924 – you could work that out – into a poor family who lived not far from where she lives now (but the neighbourhood has completely changed).

The first time she was ever taken to a doctor was in 1937 (age 13) because she had pleurisy. Prior to the foundation of the National Health Service (NHS) in 1948, poor people did not go to doctors very readily. It was much too expensive.

She was married in 1947, just after World War II – and she and her husband were very close to celebrating their 75^th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, he died three years ago, aged 97, a few months too early.

She has three children, one of whom was born before the NHS was established, which was significant to her, because she had some difficulties with the birth.

I have met all of them at one time or another as well as their children and grandchildren.

Keeping in Touch

If you know people in their 90s or above, do keep in touch with them. They may have family, but often many of their friends have died long ago. They welcome the chance for a chat.

And you will have fun and learn a lot.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have friends who are very old? Do you keep in touch with them? What do you like to talk about?