Does Your Mother’s Legacy Shape Your Own?
The Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines legacy as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor from the past.” It’s common to hear about legacies “living on” today when they continue to affect those in the present.
Mom’s Legacy Letter
Shortly before her death, Mom wrote a Legacy Letter to her family and friends, sharing what mattered to her. Below are excerpts from that letter:
I want my family to know that I love them. All have been so wonderful to me. That love will be with you forever.
As I’ve grown older, I continue to value family more and more. It’s so important to keep in touch. So much of who I am today is because of Mother and Grandma Green and Aunt Frances. They were very special ladies in many ways.
You can always learn new things throughout your entire life. It was important to me that my children had good educations, but they had to do it on their own ($$).
It may sound strange, but the more you give, the more you will receive.
My love for my children and grandchildren is too great to express in words. Show people you love that you care for them and be sure to tell them, too. Never be afraid to say, “I love you.” Be generous with your love.
My faith in God has helped me survive incredible challenges. At times I could not have made it without God’s help.
I apologize for the times I wasn’t the Mom you would have liked me to be. Please know that I really tried my best. Forgive whatever misunderstandings there are between you and those you love. Don’t’ be afraid to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me. I was wrong.”
I read my mother’s Legacy Letter again each Mother’s Day and on her birthday… plus other random times. It continues to speak to me. I’ve also written legacy poetry and prose focused on Mom. Here’s a link to one poem I drafted on what would have been her 95th birthday.
My Own Legacy Letter
Below is the most recent version of my Legacy Letter, which I update annually. You will see there are many elements from my mother’s Legacy Letter and the poem I wrote about her that define my own legacy.
Dear Family and Friends,
Thank you for being a phenomenal blessing to me. Life wouldn’t have meant much without you. Over the years I’ve wished we lived closer, but we still stayed in touch and got together periodically. As I write my letter during this COVID-19 pandemic, I especially miss seeing you in person.
Life has taught me a lot, including these three things:
- The more you give, the more you’ll receive in return. Helping others results in rich rewards. I call this “psychic income.”
- Education opens many doors. Earning a Ph.D. and other advanced credentialling was worth the effort, bringing me interesting opportunities. I loved learning new things.
- Perseverance and hard work pay off. I kept on keeping on, often reinventing myself to get where I wanted to be. Change was my mantra.
Thinking about what matters most, I know this has evolved over the years. Now in my “reFirement” chapter, here’s a little graphic with the top 5 values guiding my actions.
In closing, here’s a favorite quote of mine:
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
— from “The Summer Day” by Mary Oliver
P.S. You’ll find many legacy poems and stories I’ve written over the years in my separate notebook. Hope you’ll enjoy them!
I will love you forever,
Kathleen/Mom/Grandma
Updated on 1/31/2021
What Will Your Legacy Be?
Legacy doesn’t have to be fancy. Simply focus on what matters to you. Your legacy may be shaped by your mother’s legacy or not. Perhaps you’ve gone 180 degrees from where your Mom was.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you think your legacy was shaped by that of your mother or grandmother? Where do you find similarities? Which things are different? Have you written a legacy letter? What have you expressed in it? Please share with the community!
Tags Getting Older Inspiration
No role models for motherhood or how to raise and have a healthy family. My mom was not happy. She was very bright and talented. Self-reliant. She didn’t talk about feelings and that had to do with her London-born mother I imagine. Or maybe just her way.
I’ve not had really close friends since high school. However, I did have lots of friends throughout my life and I still keep up with a few – though they are at a distance. I don’t think we shared personal thoughts about ourselves much. We didn’t know we could. Since I have moved quite a bit I’ve had to make new friends everywhere. The hardest has been since I moved at 70. Communication is so poor. People talk about themselves ad infinitum never thinking about asking questions when others share. As a result, I haven’t taken in too many people here.
No one is perfect but I can’t seem to get beyond the self-centeredness of New England people. Perhaps had I stayed in one area I wouldn’t notice this so much.
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful and honest reflection. You’ve navigated a lot with strength and insight—from family dynamics to the challenges of forming deep connections later in life. Your experience speaks to the deep human need for mutual connection and meaningful conversation—something many are still learning how to foster.
What a lovely article and idea. I am inspired to write a legacy letter after reading this article. My legacy is shaped by my mother and other family members in my life. I learned how to be a great mom and person from a loving woman who was my neighbor for 35 years. I miss her dearly but so happy she was such an important part of my life. I always say I learned what “not to do as a parent” from my parents, which shaped and assisted in allowing me to be the best mother I could possibly be. Now I’m trying to be a good and loving grandparent. Learning every day and enjoying each moment I can spend with my children and grandchildren. Their dad, my husband is no longer with us so I feel I want to be there for the both of us, he would have been a great grandpa!
Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, I hope you do write your legacy letter. I like your positive take on experiences despite your parents. You were blessed to have that neighbor in your life for 35 years.
Thank you Kathleen. The 5th anniversary of my mom’s passing just happened on April 28th. No Facebook post, just mentioned it in an online grief group. I’m still healing from generational trauma. It’s hard to dislodge that pain. I can set it aside for a while, but it bubbles up again. I’m writing a lot. I might publish a memoir. But I’m evolving and I see more colors in life now.
Mom has been away from this earth for 18 years but will remain with me forever. You’ll also always have your mother’s love. Yes, I encourage you to write. That can be healing.