Falling in Love in Later Life: Is It About Passion or Companionship?
There is something quite special about falling in love when you are a little older, maybe because we didn’t see it coming! Some of my friends use internet dating to find ‘the one’, but I am not so sure I would ever try it. I find it a little black-and-white and somewhat contrived. As a writer, I love observing people’s subtle nuances, and how they interact with others. However, I have heard of success stories, so perhaps don’t knock it till you try it :).
Body Language
I much prefer to physically be with someone. I like seeing their mannerisms, the way they move their body, the look in their eyes, how they react to situations. Hearing the pitch and tone of their voice, as well as the words they use is important to me. Even in this day of feminism, I love a man to open doors for me and make me feel I am the only one in the room. Is that outdated?
The Bit in the Middle
For me the best bit is the bit in the middle. When you first find yourself thinking about someone, without really knowing why. You are not too sure of your feelings… or theirs. It could all be over in an instant, but they may become the love of your life! You want to hurry up and find out, but, in a way, you love the long, drawn-out, will-it-won’t-it. I love the butterflies that fly around in my tummy when I see the person in question, and the daydreaming that seems to take over my life!
Would You Want to Fall in Love Again?
For me, I am not sure if I even want to fall in love again, although I am not sure if we have that option. Yes, it is a wonderful feeling, something like no other, but even after a 35-year relationship, I can’t help feeling a bit of a failure that it ended, or worry I would take forward my trust issues into any other relationship.
I have also built a wonderful life for myself where I am free to be me, and I have to say, I really like it. I do pretty much what I want, when I want. It doesn’t matter if dinner is at 6.00pm, or midnight. No-one cares if I am up all night, lay in bed all morning or write an article at 3.00 am. I guess it would have to be a very special person for me to fall in love with, but an even more special one to fall in love with me!
Companionship or Passion?
Some people are looking for companionship and would be happy to find someone to spend time with and share life together. And I truly get this. One of the things I have missed while travelling is having someone with whom to share special moments.
But for me it would have to be true passion, someone to laugh and cry with. Someone to hold my hand and make me feel safe and special. A person I looked forward to seeing as soon as I opened my eyes each morning, after spending the night snuggled up together. I love that feeling of intimacy between two people, that is yours and yours alone.
Looking for Love?
So, I won’t be internet dating or walking down the food aisles anytime soon. I am loving my life just the way it is. But ‘sliding doors’ moments can happen at any time in our lives, and we never know when love might be hiding behind one of them.
I guess, in a way, that is the exciting bit!
Please Join the Conversation:
Would you like to fall in love again? Have you? What’s more important to you: companionship or passion?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
I don’t like the ‘long drawn-out will it-won’t it’! It can be excruciating. Unsure, unknown.
Hi Jen, thank you for joining the conversation.I can see what you mean and it can be painful, but I also kind of like the not knowing :) x
Good Morning,
First of all Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
I was married for 26 years and divorced for 10 years when met on a dating website. I was happy independent and had a great circle of friends. I learned to dine alone and go on trips solo and really enjoy life.
At 68 I was about ready to throw in the towel and I wasn’t going to renew my Ourtime membership. I was happy, healthy, and loving life.
Along came Tom and girls I swear this man is my soulmate, he is kind, considerate, giving and so much more than my exhusband. He opens car doors for me and girls he cooks. I feel really blessed to have met him and honestly I didn’t know what I was missing. We laugh together and enjoy exploring new things together. I can honestly say This new relationship has really enriched my life. Thanks for listening to this old lady and have a fantastic day😀.
Hi Claudia, Happy Thanksgiving! Thank you for joining the conversation. You sound like a lady who made her live into exactly what she wanted… and along came a cherry for the top :) Perhaps you could clone Tom and send us each one! Lily x
I met my husband online, 18 years ago (after a surprise divorce after being married for 25 years.) He was a widower, and of course we both were new to dating after so many years. He is an absolute gem. I didn’t meet many others before I met him, so didn’t have the negative dating experiences others report. I think it’s important to pick the right online site. Go for it!
Hi Barbara, thank you for joining the conversation. Sounds like you have found yourself a wonderful man! I agree with you about picking the right site. I might do a little research and write an article. Lily x
I was married 50 yrs when my husband died. Lived alone for 8 yrs, enjoying getting to know the real me, a few dates but not looking for a man – they would just have to fall in my lap! Then after 8 yrs a man 5 houses away who helped me with plumbing etc, asked me to ride in antique car parade in the chevy he built 41 yrs ago. I did and got to know him more (widowed for 2 yrs) and we are now partners. We are same age. Not going to marry as “why?” It is too financially confusing. Never thought this would happen but enjoy being together.
Hi Emkay, thank you for joining the conversation.I am sorry to hear your husband died buts o pleased you have fond someone lovely to share your life with. I think I am a bit like you, waiting for someone to fall in to my lap. My life is so good right now, it would have to be someone very special because I love being on my own :) Lily x
Coming out of a 37 year marriage (39 years together), I feel much like what you’ve written but haven’t yet settled into my new life yet as you’ve described. I have asked friends if one really ever loves like the first true love again… most say no. I’m not ready for online dating and would rather meet someone who knows someone I know, but I’m also a bit of a hopeless romantic and think about that sliding door moment you’ve described. I’d love for that to happen…in many ways, I’m still romanticizing the good things about my long —now failed — marriage and know I’ve got to move past that to move on with someone new. I hope…someday to find true love again
I was divorced after a 37-year marriage, too. That was 14 years ago. I think you can make the life you want. I thought I wanted a partner again, but I’ve never even dated and have come to the conclusion – for myself – that I don’t feel I can trust anyone as a potential partner. And, I really like living alone, especially to travel (road trips mostly) and pursue my photography. I wouldn’t mind just dating and hanging out with a man, though, I’ve had a couple of close friends who were men, and we had great conversations. Best wishes!
Hi Shellie, thank you for joining the conversation. You sound exactly like me and have created a wonderful life for yourself. Enjoy it, and if someone comes along, it’s up to you :) Lily x
Hi Mar, thank you for joining the conversation.It takes time, I think. They say there is someone for everyone, but I am not sure if I want a ‘someone’! Like you I am a romantic and would have to be swept off my feet because I have managed to create a lovely life for myself. Being sixty is the first time I have had time for me and I am enjoying it! Build the happiest life you can for yourself and, if someone comes along then you can decide, if not, you are happy any way! Lily x