Falling in Love in Later Life: Is It About Passion or Companionship?
There is something quite special about falling in love when you are a little older, maybe because we didn’t see it coming! Some of my friends use internet dating to find ‘the one’, but I am not so sure I would ever try it. I find it a little black-and-white and somewhat contrived. As a writer, I love observing people’s subtle nuances, and how they interact with others. However, I have heard of success stories, so perhaps don’t knock it till you try it :).
Body Language
I much prefer to physically be with someone. I like seeing their mannerisms, the way they move their body, the look in their eyes, how they react to situations. Hearing the pitch and tone of their voice, as well as the words they use is important to me. Even in this day of feminism, I love a man to open doors for me and make me feel I am the only one in the room. Is that outdated?
The Bit in the Middle
For me the best bit is the bit in the middle. When you first find yourself thinking about someone, without really knowing why. You are not too sure of your feelings… or theirs. It could all be over in an instant, but they may become the love of your life! You want to hurry up and find out, but, in a way, you love the long, drawn-out, will-it-won’t-it. I love the butterflies that fly around in my tummy when I see the person in question, and the daydreaming that seems to take over my life!
Would You Want to Fall in Love Again?
For me, I am not sure if I even want to fall in love again, although I am not sure if we have that option. Yes, it is a wonderful feeling, something like no other, but even after a 35-year relationship, I can’t help feeling a bit of a failure that it ended, or worry I would take forward my trust issues into any other relationship.
I have also built a wonderful life for myself where I am free to be me, and I have to say, I really like it. I do pretty much what I want, when I want. It doesn’t matter if dinner is at 6.00pm, or midnight. No-one cares if I am up all night, lay in bed all morning or write an article at 3.00 am. I guess it would have to be a very special person for me to fall in love with, but an even more special one to fall in love with me!
Companionship or Passion?
Some people are looking for companionship and would be happy to find someone to spend time with and share life together. And I truly get this. One of the things I have missed while travelling is having someone with whom to share special moments.
But for me it would have to be true passion, someone to laugh and cry with. Someone to hold my hand and make me feel safe and special. A person I looked forward to seeing as soon as I opened my eyes each morning, after spending the night snuggled up together. I love that feeling of intimacy between two people, that is yours and yours alone.
Looking for Love?
So, I won’t be internet dating or walking down the food aisles anytime soon. I am loving my life just the way it is. But ‘sliding doors’ moments can happen at any time in our lives, and we never know when love might be hiding behind one of them.
I guess, in a way, that is the exciting bit!
Please Join the Conversation:
Would you like to fall in love again? Have you? What’s more important to you: companionship or passion?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
I lost my husband of 53 years almost 2 years ago. And I missed having a companion to enjoy things with.
I have reacquainted with a former classmate and am in the “middles”. Which is very fun! I cant stop thinking about him when we’re apart, and I’m not sure how he feels but I dont want to overwhelm him with my feelings either. We talk a lot and have set some initial ground rules of our relationship thus far. But just enjoying our time together, texting like school kids, and really getting to know each other in real time with all the nuances, showing how we get along.
I’m excited for the future but praying for Gods will and direction be done!
Life is living again.
Hi Jeanne, thanks for joining the conversation. I can’t tell you how much this warms my heart :) I hope you have the wonderful future you deserve. Enjoy every second. Lily x
After surviving the loss of my beloved husband 17 years ago and raising our two children I wanted to have that special relationship again. I had such a honest and loving relationship and looked forward meeting that special someone. After 7 years I re-married and then unfortunately I filed for divorce as it turned out he wasn’t the man I thought he was (narcissism reared it’s ugly head). Fortunately I was able to get away and haven’t looked back. I am happy to be free and enjoying my life again. Lo and behold while hiking on St. Patrick’s Day I chatted with another hiker in the group. We hit it off and continued with the group hikes and slowly graduated to lunch together after hiking and then a dinner date together. I never bothered with on-line dating sites. I too prefer to talk with and see people in person. Neither one of us were “looking” for anyone but we hit it off. I have to say after having a very passionate 26 year marriage, I am truly enjoying the passion as well as the companionship of this new relationship. Neither one of us is looking to get married but we truly enjoy being with each other. We also “like” each other as well as love each other. We are truly blessed and believe we are in each other’s lives at this stage of life for a reason and a purpose.
Hi Lauren, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband, it must have been tough bringing up your children on your own.But I am delighted you have found someone to share your life with. Sometimes ‘the one’ comes along when you least expect it! Lily x
I’m very conflicted. I haven’t dated (or even been asked out) in about five years. My last partner was verbally and emotionally abusive and narcissistic. I broke it off after he accused me of being out with my “penis friends” when I was actually sick in bed with side effects from the Shingrex vaccine. He texted me for a few years but, fortunately, he stopped. After this relationship I feel like damaged goods and have kept to myself. My life revolves around working 45-50 hours/week and driving three hours each way on weekends to help take care of my mother, who fell and broke her hip last summer. She also is nearly deaf, wears a pacemaker and has dementia. When I visit I don’t have the time or energy to see old friends. I go to the gym regularly but no one talks to each other…mostly young guys and women. I do have friends but have no idea how to even meet people when I’m exhausted from work. I also have chronic leukemia and not sure how I would even bring that up within the context of dating. I hope move to Washington state in 2025 but not sure if I will meet anyone for companionship. At 66, I doubt any man would feel passionate toward me.
Hi Felicia, thank you for your comment.I am sure the last thing you are is ‘damaged goods’. You sound like a very warm, open minded and open hearted lady to me, who tries her best for everyone. Maybe its time to give yourself a little of that time and love, don’t wait until your move, why not start now? I know its hard and it took me until my sixties to realise that I mattered, but now I also take Me into account. I am sure there is a beautiful life just waiting for you, if it includes someone else that’s great, but if not, you can still have it :) Lily x
Thank you for your kind words, Lily! I would rather wait until I move bc if I meet someone in Reno, it will make moving more complicated. Actually it would be great to have someone to ski with…my ski buddies have all pretty much left the area, have passes at different resorts, or have conflicting work schedules. I haven’t been looking but I can’t expect someone to fall into my lap either! I’ll see what happens in 2025, once I take care of myriad work, family and financial matters! Thanks for an article I needed to read!!
Hi I’m Linda! I think I am ready for love again. My husband of 36 years passed away over 14 years ago. We met when were 14. He was my only real boyfriend. But I find myself missing someone to come home too and sharing my day. I’ve tried the online dating which is a lot of work. I am taking a break from that because it can become stressful sometimes waiting for a response and then sometimes getting ghosted. Ugh! But I still have hope that there is someone out there for me. I am keeping hope alive.
Hi Linda, thanks for joining the conversation. I am sorry to hear your husband passed away, especially as he was your only real boyfriend. That must have been very painful. I understand why you are missing having someone to come home to, it is something I struggle a little with, though I am happily single. I am sure there is a very lucky someone out there :) Lily x
I think after 41 years of marriage, I would like companionship but passion may linger. I know recently, I reconnected with someone who is married now and silly me, found myself being drawn to him. I would never pursue this but it was strange to me that I could have those feelings again:). It actually made me chuckle:). I know my girlfriends thought I should start dating again but relationships are complicated and I need some ME time now. After raising four children and a marriage of 41 years, I need to focus on me; and thankfully, with my faith, I am never alone. Actually, I have returned to my first love:)
Hi Sara, thanks for joining the conversation.You are so right! Relationships are complicated and I can understand why some people think twice. Many of us have created a life that suits us and finally have the time to love ourselves a little more. I know I have! Lily x