My Awkward Aging Story: How Denial Played a Trick on Me
I hate to brag, but I consider myself a world-class thrifter and consignment shop guru. It’s all I can do to contain myself when a psychotherapy client tells me about their thrifting adventures – I want to trade stories of our conquests and even run up to my closet for a quick show and tell.
Luckily, I have been able to resist that urge in my 30 or so years of being a psychotherapist. I did have an awkward moment when I realized my client was wearing a pair of shoes I had consigned earlier that season.
She was showing them off, and it occurred to me that situations like these were never discussed in grad school seminars on how to be an effective psychotherapist.
My Favorite Shop
So, with my passion for all things thrifty, it’s very fortunate that there’s a lovely, classy, cheerful consignment shop not far from my home. The shop owner, Fran, has a great eye and even brings back treasures when she travels to Italy to visit her family.
Fran only accepts stylish clothes that are often more fashion-forward than I can pull off comfortably. She works with my quiet style. She has dressed me for events, and sometimes I realize that every single piece of clothing I am wearing is from her shop.
I was on a local TV show once and thought it appropriate that there should be some kind of caption: Clothes Provided by EcoChic Boutique Consignment. You probably don’t see that too often.
How Could I Resist?
A few days ago, I found myself in Fran’s lovely shop, looking through the dedicated Eileen Fisher rack. Picking up some great wardrobe staples, I went up to the register to pay.
A flash of color grabbed my eye. A bucket handbag in an impossibly vibrant and beautiful shade of lilac stared back at me. Was it… pebbled leather? With a slouchy boho shape? I asked Fran to bring it down from the shelf. I was getting a little breathless.
Fran stated knowingly, “This is such a Nicole color.” Indeed. Almost everything she’s sold me is black or a version of plum.
Yes, It’s Real Leather
Did I need a new purse? Of course not. I’m loving my new modified minimalist lifestyle of less is more. I’m preaching the benefits of non-consumption. And yet. I looked at the price tag. $45. For a Coach leather satchel?
It looked new! It must be synthetic. I asked Fran about the quality. She was a bit taken back. “Yes,” she said, with a confused look on her face. “It’s real Italian great quality leather.” You know what came next.
Do the Math
As she was ringing up my purchases, I was surprised by the total, which was higher than I expected. I kept adding up the items in my head, which is not that effective when you have an undocumented learning disability in math. I couldn’t figure out why the total got so high. It felt a bit unsettling.
I trundled back to my car, accompanied by my lovely lilac slouchy bag, and took out my dime store reading glasses. No. Lovely bag was not $45. It was $95. My denial about needing reading glasses got the best of me. It wasn’t the first time.
What Happened?
Why didn’t I use my readers? Was it laziness? Embarrassment? Pride? Facing the truth that my eyes, which have always been great, are aging?
I got my great eyesight from my dad, and I’ve been proud of it; it’s served me very well. It’s one thing to get grey hair, but to start losing your eyesight is really tough for me to accept.
But I better find a way, unless I want to end up buying many more purses!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What’s the trickiest part of aging for you? Have you had any surprise symptoms? Do share your stories in the comments below.
Tags Getting Older
I’ve been very fortunate so far with my aging, a few ups and downs but heading for 80 I’m thankful and blessed,I will tell you tho when I reached the age of senior I was in denial I would not get a senior card to get discounts etc I thought I had aged well and didn’t look my age until paying for my coffee one day the young girl asked for my seniors card it hit home lol
I take a day at a time I make the most of it start my day with gratitude end it the same way .when I feel down I refuse to stay down I focus on what I have more of than what I don’t have the mind is very powerful your as old as you feel
the trickiest part of aging for me is my mobility. i was rec’d for a THR bilaterally, and then i was in a car wreck
the congenital hip issues were, of course, still present, but i could walk, hike, paddle before the wreck (i was a gym rat for decades, and i’ve been very physical my adult life). a few weeks later, i was using a walking stick, and i’m now on crutches
the doctors all want to address the pre-existing congenital hip condition, but they won’t see why i was walking-wreck-not walking. they won’t compare xrays from before and now (took me 19 months to even get an xray after the wreck – got caught out with an HMO – changing at New Year’s) — they won’t scan the soft tissue to see if something was detached with muscles or tendons
one doctor asked ‘why’d you wait so long’ — “well”, i answered, “15 months of that was waiting on you” — well, doctors apparently can’t handle that kind of truth
hoping for a new doctor pool amid a cancelled wedding, a cross-country visit, house maintenance (replaced back bath tub that was leaking) and crutches – lol
but i look around, and i’m not the Lone Ranger in this — thank you for your publication here – i find it Priceless – and others’ input is appreciated as well so very often <3
Everonward!
I recently turned 60 and feel like I’ve fallen apart overnight: from an active, upbeat middle ager to backaches, tired but can’t sleep, mentally exhausted granny. What on earth is happening?
Just putting this out here because it happened to me….did (or do) you have a friend or family member who constantly talked about falling apart at age 60? Could that have influenced your belief about aging after 60?
I had a friend who, when she was 68, started saying things like, “I’m 70! I’m falling apart!” and listing health issues that she ‘just knew’ were getting worse because of her age. (I pointed out she had a couple of years before she was 70, it fell on deaf ears.)
When I turned 70 a year ago, all of a sudden, I started having problems crop up all over the place. I’ve always been in good health, but right on target, when I turned 70 suddenly my knees started to ache, my vision began to deteriorate, I gained weight, and a couple other things.
I asked myself, ‘What the heck?’ and realized I had allowed myself to be influenced by my friend’s attitude on aging, I started deteriorating on Her schedule!
For entirely different reasons, we no longer see each other, but wow….some people say you’re like the five people you hang out with, and that seems like it was certainly the case here. I’m improving since no longer under her influence, but I’ve definitely learned to be careful with who I spend time with!
You bring up a very good point… I grew up in the age where we used to idolize skinny young models in the 80s and so it’s always hung over my head that I need to be a certain thing, particularly at a certain age. In addition to that, at my birthday party, my self absorbed mother, who’s 82, kept saying she couldn’t believe she had a 60 year-old daughter. While that is a very long story for another time, and possibly cocktails, you can see the influences. This makes your point all the more valid. Thank you.
You’re welcome. :)
Your mother sounds a bit like mine…your story reminded me of when I told my mother I was pregnant with my first child (ended up being my only child), she said, “I don’t want to be a grandmother, I don’t want to be old.”
As for me, I’m the joyful grandmother of four wonderful children, all in their teens now.