5 Things They Don’t Tell You Before You Start Your Caregiving Journey
I was completely unprepared for my caregiving journey and set out on choppy waters because I was determined to care for my parents.
Caregiving is a complex combination of challenging, frightening, rewarding, and surprising. I gained valuable insight along the way and discovered many things they don’t tell you about the experience.
Below are 5 things about caregiving I wish I had known before I began my caregiving journey.
How Hard It Is
By nature, most caregivers are go-getters and deeply committed people. As such, they are usually shocked to realize how difficult the caregiving job can be. They don’t think twice about signing up for the job because it’s the right thing to do. They often assume they can handle anything, even when the enormity of the task is hard to fathom.
Caregiving is such a physical and emotional roller coaster that even caregivers with the best intentions aren’t prepared. Not because they aren’t capable, but because it’s usually a job for more than one. Caregiving takes a village. Getting help along the way is the most important survival tool.
How Worried You Get
Once I got into the groove of caring for my parents, I was amazed to find that I carried with me a sense of worry all the time. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Getting support and sharing my concerns helped ease the constant scary feeling I had. Making sure I got comfort whenever and wherever I could became an important step I took for myself.
How to Survive
The number one thing that no one explains to you is how you must take care of yourself while you take care of others. Radical self-care is a necessity, not a luxury. You must maintain a healthy diet, get enough rest and ask for help.
You need to get exercise and all the support you need. You can embrace your journey only if you are in top shape emotionally and physically. It’s challenging but doable if you are as kind to yourself as you are to others.
How Rewarding It Is
Taking care of my parents was the best thing I’ve done in my life. It was the most healing, empowering and enriching experience I have had. The challenges and difficulties fade away but the precious memories of laughter and love remain.
I was able to have and appreciate quality time with my parents, healing and nurturing our relationships. It turned out to be a precious gift for all of us.
How Many Angels You Will Meet
There are many people involved in the caregiving experience. I was constantly amazed by where I found support and help. Just when I thought I was at my wits end, someone would miraculously appear and right whatever wrong I was facing.
The kindness of strangers, friends and family restored my faith in the world and to this day I am grateful for all the angels earthbound and heavenly that helped me on my journey.
Caregiving is an act of courage and love.
These are just a few of the things you may encounter as you travel your caregiving journey. As challenging as it is, caregiving is one of the greatest acts of courage and love. You will learn powerful life lessons and discover magical things about yourself. Embrace this path you have chosen. It is rewarding in ways you can’t imagine.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Are there things you wish you had known going into the caregiving experience? What surprised you most about caregiving? Please share your own experiences and what you learned as a caregiver.
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Taking care of my dad through his cancer was the scariest, uncertain, and most unique time. We really bonded on all of those trips to radiation and chemo. I got to know him in a way that none of my other 6 siblings will ever get to. It was hard but I did it because I love him and I know he would have done the same for me.
You might surprise yourself at what you can do when you have to. I would never change any of it (and it was awful) because I loved him. Take care of yourself as you care for them. God will do the rest.
I know exactly how you feel! As awful as it was watching my Dad go through everything we had some of the dearest. Sweetest, funniest times. It was so precious to me. Thank you so much for reminding me of this.
My fit husband, about to retire in 2019, had just finished running his umpteenth marathon in the last ten years when a mass was discovered. Adenocarcinoma. Retirement dreams morphed into 24/7, keeping him alive. Caring for a pancreatic cancer patient through the COVID pandemic while my mother was ill was a superpower of resilience and strength I didn’t know I had, as well as becoming a researcher in the latest and all that could be done, finding the best cancer treatment center for his treatment, and suddenly handling all of the finances and the business stuff. My ADHD hyperfocus helped a lot.
Ypu are a true Caregiver Warrior. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to us all. It’s amazing the things we can do when we are called upon and we rise to whatever life throws at us. You give us all hope.
Thank you for sharing your story. You inspire all of us. I’m once again reminded how extraordinary caregiver warriors like you are and how you make the world a better place.
My dad is caregiving for his partner at this time. It’s gone on for years now. Watching him has made me realize that I am not that type of person. I just hope that when the time comes, I will be able to find appropriate, quality care for my loved one, because I just don’t have it in me to be a caregiver.
I can promise you will do exactly the right thing. It’s miraculous what we are inspired to do. We all have different ways and means to caregive. And yours will be perfect.
I was a caregiver for my mother when she had Alheimer’s. When people asked me how I did it, my responce was, “It’s not about me, it’s about loving & caring for my mom.” If you take “self” out of the picture, you will be amazed how caring for someone you truly love, can change your life forever. It makes YOU, a better person too.
You are so right. I cared for my Mum who had dementia, and after a slightly sticky start where I bawled my eyes out after she forgot who I was I joined a carers group and through one of the ladies there was directed to read a book about caring for a parent with dementia. It was a life saver, and we ended up having the best times and I wouldn’t have not done it for the world. (the book was Contented Dementia by Oliver James if you’re interested)
Oh! I remember crying my eyes out too. It’s heartbreaking. And although it was so hard, I agree it was the best thing I could have done! You are a true Caregiver Warrior!
I agree! I too walked away a better me after caring for my parents! Your outlook is inspiring!
My husband was in a hospice at home program. It was hard but I was fortunate to have the assistance of his sister, who stayed with me for three weeks. We also had a hospice provided home health aide for 5 visits a week and they changed bedding, bathed him, dressed him and gave us lots of emotional support. The nurse came 3 times a week to check medication, answer questions, and take his vitals but it was the home health aides that provided the physical and emotional support. I was greatly disappointed that the hospice program did not provide home health aides on the weekends. I can’t imagine how they thought two senior ladies were going to do the work required on the weekends. Caregiving can be very difficult when your loved one is at the end of his life’s journey. I’m glad we could provide my husband with his wish to die at home. For myself, I would not want that burden to fall on my children or my siblings, and therefore I would opt for a hospice facility in order to spare my family the care that is required at the end of life on a home hospice program.
What a journey you had and how helpful it is to hear your story. It makes all us fell less alone and offers great options. My thoughts are with you. Many thanks.
I tried to prepare myself but never saw one thing coming. My mother’s husband’s focus was not for my mother. He only had himself in mind. My caregiving was the total opposite of his. It ended very badly. I hope this doesn’t happen to anyone else.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m so glad your Mom had you by her side. You are an amazing daughter.