Taboos? Four Things People Don’t Talk About Enough

I am so proud to be of our generation. I doubt there has ever been one that has experienced the vast amount of changes that we have. Remember life before the internet, computers, mobile phones, space travel, online shopping, food delivery? :) It has been a roller coaster ride for sure as so many of the changes affect our lives, but we have learned more than we could have imagined and embraced so much.

And yet, there are still things that have not changed, for example ‘taboos’. Things which, for whatever reason, we keep to ourselves or struggle to talk about. Let’s get some of them out in the open…

Death

The one thing we know that we will face at some point is death. It is totally natural and completely inevitable, and yet we go through life, rarely, if ever, discussing it. I don’t think it should be such an off limit, mournful or sad topic. Letting your loved ones know your wishes can save a huge amount of worry, anguish, guilt, especially at a time when they are grieving.

I have compiled an ‘After I Have Gone’ folder with my wishes, important documents and information I would like my loved ones to have handy. I want to make things as easy as possible after my death, and it brings me comfort knowing I have done this. It was put together with love, and my family will know that. 

I also do not wish to have a big funeral. Personally, I would like a cheap coffin (they are going to burn it immediately!), no mourners, and my family and friends to have a toast to me wherever they are in the world. That would make me smile.

Also read, 14 Easy Ways to Keep Funeral Costs Down.

Estrangement

Being estranged from your children or family is tough for everyone involved. In an ideal world we would all play happy families, knowing that we will be together until the end. In reality, this is often more fairytale than fact. Many of us have brought up strong, independent children who have their own expectations and views of life, which may not concur with ours.

Sometimes it can be hard to know how to begin to reconcile, there may have been words said in haste and a great deal of hurt involved. A short letter (or email) can be a good place to start. Keeping it simple (not passive/aggressive), perhaps asking to meet for a chat. In my experience (I was a psychotherapist for 20 years), often the initial reason for the estrangement is long forgotten, but the division can remain. If possible, always keep your door, and your heart, open.

Loneliness

To be on your own, is not the same as being lonely. You can be lonely in a relationship or even surrounded by a crowd. Conversely, you can be on your own and really enjoy it. Each individual knows what amount of companionship meets their needs and makes them happy. If you feel lonely, the most important thing to do is to talk about it and let others know. 

Sometimes, as we age, we might become lonely though circumstances… mobility issues, losing friends/loved ones, retirement, moving to a new area, insufficient money, ill health, etc. Fortunately, technology can help us keep in touch with others, even when we are far away. Through technology, we can connect with family members, friends, old school unions, on-line communities, social media groups, hobby clubs, etc. If you are able to get out and about, local community groups or volunteering are great ways to meet others with similar interests.

Loss of Independence 

Many people are fortunate to live a long and active life, but the thought of losing our independence is something most of us think about, at one time or another. Few of us can predict how our health will be in the future; the best we can do is take as much care of our mental and physical well-being in the present. Personally, while I am still relatively fit and able, I am taking a few small steps that may help as I age.

Having recently moved, I am designing my garden for ease of access and maintenance, as it is somewhere that provides a great deal of pleasure for me. I have also related to my children that as far as possible, I would like to remain in my own home. 

Each one of us has a different view on how we would like to live our final years. For some, the welcome company of others in a residential community suits their needs perfectly, while others may prefer to stay at home, perhaps with the help of family, a gardener, cleaner, or other support. Giving it some consideration while you are able, can help minimise the loss of independence as you will feel you have some control.

Talking is always the best medium for change. I hope our generation paves the way for future ones.

Please Join the Conversation:

Is there a subject you feel doesn’t get talked about enough? Have you experienced estrangement? Have you made any preparations for after you have gone?