Marriage and Motherhood Survivor
I know I am not the only woman who feels like a survivor after weathering the storms of marriage and motherhood and emerging with unexpected battle scars. As we age, we gain perspective, realizing that the journey we imagined often takes twists and turns we never anticipated.
The Beginning of Disillusionment
Five years ago, after 33 years of marriage, I found myself starting over. My family had faced addiction, mental illness, cancer, learning disabilities, and the daily strain of a marriage that had long been unraveling. The dreams of a perfect family – children who would be saints and scholars, a marriage rooted in unshakable love – had given way to a reality I never saw coming.
Like many Christian parents, I clung to the promise:
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. — Proverbs 22:6, NIV
But faith does not exempt us from hardship. The Lord is still writing my children’s stories, and I have learned to release my expectations into His hands.
The Dance of Love and Loss
For those of us in our later years, these reflections carry a weight they didn’t in our youth. We are the women who have loved, lost, endured, and found strength we didn’t know we had. I wrote a book for women like us – Marriage and Motherhood Survivor – the ones who have navigated the depths of heartbreak yet refuse to be defined by it.
This book is for the mothers who gave their all, prayed fervently, and still watched their children make choices they couldn’t control. It’s for the wives who sacrificed and compromised, only to realize they had lost themselves in the process. It’s for the women who have faced life’s greatest trials and come through – not unscathed, but wiser, stronger, and determined to keep moving forward.
Thriving Is the Goal!
As I pieced my life back together, I learned that survival is not the goal – thriving is. I discovered the necessity of self-care, the joy of friendships forged through shared experiences, and the power of reclaiming the parts of ourselves that we once set aside for the sake of others.
Marriage and motherhood may not have unfolded as we once envisioned, but that does not mean our best years are behind us. There is still laughter to be shared, dreams to be pursued, and purpose to be found in this new season of life.
I really wanted the dream of a marriage until death, of kids and grandkids coming over for Sunday dinner, and for joyous family holidays. That’s not my reality. I can become bitter that life didn’t turn out that way, or I can seek other joy ahead.
Joy Ahead!
To my fellow women who have walked this road: you are not alone. Your story is not over. If you have ever wondered what comes next, let me assure you – there is still life, love, and joy ahead.
Five years after my divorce, I am back in my chosen career, am deeply in love with each of my children, and am in a wonderfully rewarding relationship with a new man.
I am relishing a personal freedom I never thought possible. I am free to live my life the way I choose, to make choices that work for me, and to think and act with complete freedom and autonomy.
It was a journey to get here. From feelings of terror and fear through to peace and fulfillment. There were roadblocks and detours along the way, but I am no longer stuck in life. Freedom comes at a cost, but once tasted, you cannot go back.
Do you feel like you are stuck in a muddy mire or marriage and motherhood? It won’t always be that way.
Welcome to Marriage and Motherhood Survivor. May it encourage you, strengthen you, and remind you that even after heartbreak, there is beauty yet to be found.
For more articles about surviving family life, consider:
How to deal with having an estranged adult child;
I’m a marriage and motherhood survivor and I’m OK;
Breaking Free: When anger and gaslighting define marriage.
Discussion Questions:
What did it take for you to realize that your marriage was over? If your grown children have challenged you, how did you set boundaries with them? What steps to freedom can you recommend for other women going through the crucible of family life?
Tags Finding Happiness
The marriage was over when I accidentally discovered he made his first ever medical directive (at age 66) and didn’t mention it or put me (his wife of 8 years) down as the primary contact. That was the straw that finally broke my back and my spirit. I woke up and I was done. Over the years I learned he was a full blown classic narcissist and nothing I did was ever going to be good enough. It was a 2nd marriage for both of us widows. I went and found an attorney. THE best decision I made. My recommendation – RUN and get out and take care of yourself – You are worth it and do not have to put up with anything from anybody!
Lauren, I hope you are doing well. It’s hard to express the amount of joy and freedom I feel after finally leaving my marriage. It has been liberating and I am happier than I have ever been. I hope you are as well!
Christine! I didn’t have words for it before, but now I do, thanks to your excellent title: Marriage and Motherhood Survivor. I gave it my all and got nothing back but oppression and ruined health, job prospects, and finances. The terrible feelings of trying so very hard for so many years (20 in my case, before the divorce, and twenty more with the difficult grown child) wore me down.
But not out.
I’m going to get your book. Thank you for putting words to it. A fellow survivor of marriage and motherhood, I am also now finally, finally thriving at age 66!
I wish we could teach young women to avoid this life-wrecking trap. But acculturation is strong, and for me, idealism was very strong (I belileved 100% in the value of putting my all into my little family, and sacrificing my own health, strength, financial security, and wellbeing in the process—I see only now that that was just plain stupid).
But we did these things in good faith, and got used instead of appreciated and fairly treated. One thing I’m working on is to stop kicking myself for clinging so idealistically to an oppressive set-up that was harming me. Anyway, thank you for this book and this phrase.
Good luck to all of us who survived, and may we now fully thrive!
Give yourself grace that you did what you thought was best at the time. We loved our families well. Now it’s time to love ourselves!
Hugs.
Thank you so much!
My marriage was over when my new husband hit me. Love just disappeared. I left him and have zéro tolérance for this kind of behaviour.
Love can’t live with violence. Good for you!