Never Turn Your Back on the Waves: Managing Stress in Today’s Unstable World
The intensity and frequency of threatening events over the past few months has had a profound impact on me. Collectively, we seem to be humming at a higher level of stress that reflects a growing feeling that the world we once thought predicable and stable may not be that way at all. It’s as if we woke up in Kansas, instead of Oz.
For 30 years, I worked exclusively with aging adults in my psychology practice. For the most part, folks came to me to explore managing feelings of loneliness, purposelessness, being invisible, and dealing with physical pain and loss of functioning.
In 2018, though, the conversations turned to seeking safety. That was when a series of wildfires decimated much of northern California. These were followed by other environmental catastrophes. All of which impacted older adults in ways no one had ever seen before. And then came COVID. Wave after wave of stress and distress.
It’s One Thing After Another!
Here we are in 2024 and things haven’t eased up one bit! All of us are experiencing heightened levels of vulnerability. What has changed, however, is our capacity for managing the stress. That has diminished.
Back in 2018, many of my friends worried about finding and keeping a safe place to live. Others stressed about keeping older cars running so they could make it to doctor’s appointments and do their shopping.
I remember folks expressed sadness and regret over the lack of quality relationships with their children and grandchildren. Others shared that they were afraid to walk in their neighborhoods because they might fall due to poor maintenance of walkways and roads.
Helplessness and Worry
Here’s the thing about helplessness and worry – the experience is uncomfortable and unwanted; but it is not unfamiliar. Back in 1941, the United States was working its way out of the worst depression it had ever seen. Franklin Delano Roosevelt gave an inspiring speech, intended to address the vulnerability felt by our nation at that time. It became known as the “Four Freedoms.”
Four Freedoms Today
Roosevelt’s four freedoms were freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom from want, and freedom from fear. While the President’s goal was political, his speech elevated these freedoms to a loftier notion that has resonated in many different ways over the decades, and resulted in enshrining these values in government programs, i.e., Social Security and Medicare.
Freedom of Speech Today
What does it mean to be able to speak freely in our nation today? A friend is afraid to let her physician know how much pain she is in because she uses Oxycontin and doesn’t want to be labeled as an addict. Another is afraid to speak up about the harassment from her building manager because that person can have her evicted. But it goes further. The greatest challenge we currently face is feeling safe enough to disagree with one another.
Freedom of Worship Today
What does it mean to be able to worship freely? We are seeing a resurgence of religious intolerance and labeling people based on who they choose to pray to. For many older adults, getting to the church, synagogue, ashram, or mosque they worship at is problematic because of lack of transportation or accommodation for hearing and sight-impaired worshipers.
Freedom from Want Today
Probably the greatest concern for people I know is economic insecurity. So many rely on Social Security alone and have to depend on supplemental housing vouchers, food distribution, and medical care. Threats to their well-being now come regularly. Limitations on services, underfunding of programs, lack of qualified staff, complicated and obtuse requirements for eligibility, all are seemingly insurmountable barriers leaving them feeling hopeless and alone.
Freedom from Fear Today
Many aging adults fear for their future because it can be taken away so easily. Ageism pervades our society, turning individuals who remain vital and have things to contribute into marginalized observers. While this is beginning to change, there are many vulnerable aging adults who are barely hanging on. We have seen the enemy, and it is us.
We Can Do Better!
Cumulative stress and fear often lead to inaction – people feel frozen and unable to make decisions. To address this, we need to start with ourselves. We need to acknowledge that things are not what they should be. Sometimes this is the hardest part.
It is as if saying out loud that things are bad will somehow offend the gods, and we will be punished for revealing the truth! Ironically, the opposite is often true. By stating (or writing) “I am scared!” (or whatever you are calling your fear or distress), it frees it from our inner dungeon. Once outside of the inner gerbil wheel of anxiety, it is much more easily managed and dealt with.
Taking Positive Action
Make a decision to do something positive for yourself. Take action on a small scale – make a gratitude list, tell someone a joke, say a kind word, offer a hug. If these are things that are easy for you, do more of them. If they are difficult, try something that makes you feel good first, then share that experience with someone else.
Cumulative stress and fear often lead to withdrawal. If you are disconnected from things that bring you a sense of joy, purpose, or delight, make a list of what you would do to change that. It might be as simple as listening to a favorite piece of music or going for a walk. Once you have that list, identify three action steps you can take today to manifest those things in your life.
Never Turn Your Back on the Waves
I can be easily overwhelmed by the enormity of what is being asked of me from day to day. To manage my overwhelm, I often imagine myself at the beach. Somedays, the ocean is calm, and the waves gently massage the shore. Other days, the ocean’s waves are enormous, and I need to retreat a bit further up the sand, in order to not be swept away. Either way, the advice I have always been given is never turn your back on the waves.
Top Image: Hana Beach (photo credit: Mary L. Flett).
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Which of the four freedoms have been violated for you with age? Do you feel free to live your life, or are you fearful? How do you manage anxiety due to aging?
One of the things that I feel is the cause of much of what we see today is the attitude of NOT discussing religion, politics, sex etc. in safe environments. We were told as young people that these subjects were taboo so we never learned how to have civilized conversations about things we didn’t agree with. This has to change. Much of the horrible things happening today are a direct result of us putting our heads in the sand and pretending nothing is wrong.
As older adults who have nothing to lose – not jobs, not pensions etc. it is our time to speak up for those that can’t. Stop buying…capitalism must be stopped – if not for money, for the environment. Give your loved ones your time, and experiences, not things.
Make sure your investments don’t hurt others or the environment – if you don’t have a wealth manager, then research yourself and you can make money ethically. Speak up to your government representatives, locally or federally, be the squeaky wheel! And finally, make time to help your community. Go pick up garbage in your neighborhood, volunteer at a community center, feed the homeless, sew or knit for children in orphanages / foster care or women’s shelters, plant trees etc.
Not only will you make the world a little bit better, but you will feel better DOING something.
Robin Smith Camarena, I agree about the importance of discussing things. Why not start a ‘salon.’ They were popular years ago. People got together to talk about books, life, politics, whatever. I select friends on the basis of their openness. They don’t hesitate to talk about these things and they don’t share what is said.
The best thing we can do is lead by example. It’s better than being preachy which will turn others off. I think the next four years will open up a lot – especially in the USA.
“The greatest challenge we currently face is feeling safe enough to disagree with one another.” I was recently surprised to hear from a friend that she wanted to bring the matter about the quality of child care of a center due to the fact that they could not respect the views and opinions of another educator and who had her opinions “squashed” and was reprimanded as a result for interfering in their practise!! That educator was me and I was somewhat surprised but after reading your article, I find this to be rather true. Presently, my Supervisor who is half my age, is trying to assert her role and responsibility and I must learn not to disagree or challenge her without seeming to overstep her authority. No matter what our age is, the ability to discuss with respect even those that we don’t agree, has been lost or is slowly disappearing. This is a sad reflection of our society;(
Sara, how fragile some have become. Maybe it is because my generation coddled them a bit. We didn’t discuss money or worries in front of them as we wanted them to have a different childhood than we did.
Then there is the ‘woke’ nonsense. Of course, we must be aware of the inequalities in life. So much just isn’t fair. And, we must work to change this. It doesn’t mean we can’t discuss the quality of services we get. Child care must be taken seriously. While I clearly won’t say child care and dining out are equal, I am thinking of one to which many can relate at our age. For example, dining out isn’t the experience it use to be. We are expected to tip for someone taking our order and busing the food to our table. And, they expect at least 20%. I love tipping for good service, though it is a rarity.
Maybe all of this comes down to enormous expectations and a sense of entitlement by some.
As a Canadian where minimum wage is $15+ , I was surprised at $7 in the US!! I understand the need for tips! These workers need far more than $7/hr.