Holding on and Letting Go When Life Strikes
Life’s disappointments, sudden change, loss and grief seem to come in waves. They strike upon a calm beach and a peaceful mind out of nowhere, washing away all that once felt secure.
I’ve been basking in the sun for some time, feeling quite content. I didn’t expect it to last forever, but I was enjoying the stability until a significant change in my work life, the terminal diagnosis of a dear friend and the end of a cherished relationship struck within a week of one another. I felt dislodged like one of those helpless shells tossed about in the surf, disoriented and gasping for breath.
It’s difficult to right myself again, but turning inward, recognizing I have little choice or control allows me to focus on easing the discomfort and finding ways to cope, accept and adapt.
Writing Is My Way to Cope
Writing has always been my way of laying out a difficult situation so I can validate my emotions and seek my strength. This time, as I write, free streaming whatever presented itself, a provocative message surfaced, hinting perhaps that I have entered a new era of accepting life’s twists and turns, including the suspicion that as I age they will come more often and will probably jostle me a little more violently if I try to resist.
The reverberating theme of letting go, a familiar mantra of sorts, circled around several times. But I struggle with that analogy, feeling uncomfortable with the absence of security, as though I’ve come loose from my anchor and been set adrift.
However, I come into a sense of balance in the opposing options when my mind conjured up holding on as the juxtaposition of letting go. I probe deeper and write as the words of internal wisdom and guidance present themselves in a sort of to do list for peace.
Things to Let Go Of
The Need for Control
It’s a fallacy in most cases anyway and only leads to frustration.
Glorifying the Future
It will likely be very much like the present. Uprooting your life to relocate to an exotic island and write the next bestseller is a lovely dream that probably won’t come to fruition. Be open to pleasant surprises but strive to find the hidden treasures of your life as it is each moment.
Your Fierce Sense of Self-Reliance and Independence
Life might get even messier as time goes on and you may need help.
Things to Hold on To
True Relationships
This includes treasured friendships, true love and the joy of encounters with new and interesting people. Stay close, keep in touch, speak honestly and let your heart be open.
A Sense of Wonder
Let nature show you how it deals with change and learn the lessons.
Your Physical Abilities
Keep moving and stay agile to the best of your body’s capacity. Don’t get lazy just because it gets hard, but be kind to yourself as you move through the stages of growing old.
Compassion
Forgive people, accept their frailty and faults. When someone lets you down, try to remember all the times they came through for you, and accept they may be doing their very best this time.
Faith
It is possible that everything will turn out just as it is meant to, that tomorrow will be better and that you can find serenity in an uncertain stage of life. Keep trying.
The Peace Within
Take care of yourself, do what you can to calm the waters of your own mind, and stay grounded in your own perspective.
This may seem self-evident to some, to those farther along the path, well versed in how life unfolds over time and who have become more skilled in navigating the obstacles. But for me, it is a trove of sensibilities that will remain with me a long, long time. Hopefully, serving me well whenever the seas get rough, as I know they will.
I can’t help but wonder if every moment of sadness, every challenge presented, isn’t meant to be gathered up, kept at hand so when we meet the next hardship it feels more familiar and less tragic. If, perhaps, being tossed in the surf might put a more lustrous shine of that shell of the everyday so we notice how precious each one really is.
Time to Reflect:
How do you deal with the hard things in life? Do you know what to let go of and what to hold on to? What considerations are going through your mind as you age?
I do love you
Hey Fran, missed our walk in our neck of the woods, but life can sometimes get in the way. In Florida now. In your article, “Glorifying the future” really hit for me. I remember being a young mother, raising 4 kids, always saying “it’s okay, someday this will all be worth it”, which was me basically glorifying the future rather than living in the moment and letting the future take care of itself. When things did not turn out as I expected or hoped for, I was devastated. It shook me to the core. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Grace. These are all big themes for me lately. Be well and hope to see you soon!
Hope to see you!
Sending you a private message.
Fran , Your writing is a gift to me .
I drank this one in gulps and I will re read and practise one or two bits of advice at a time.
Your words touch me. Thank you so very much.
Fran
Very nice article. Thank you! 17 years ago I learned what to let go of and what to hold onto when my husband of 26 years suddenly died within 52 days of a cancer diagnosis (head to toe). One day he was healthy jogging together and the next day we were in an ER hearing findings of what he thought was a pulled muscle from jogging! Mind you, he never felt sick and had no pain until one day a pain in his side took us to the ER. It was the oddest thing or at least the professionals told me. Been living grateful for each day and each moment ever since.
Thank you, Lauren.
Beautiful article.😍 Keep on flowing 🥀🌹🌈
Thank you, Jane. I am trying.
It’s all any of us can do is try. WE all try the best we can when hard situations are present. And, having trusted folks to lean on does help.
So true. Thank you, Patricia.