Living as a Highly Sensitive Person in an Unjust World
On the day Israel was attacked by Hamas terrorists, I was leisurely having the “free breakfast” at a hotel while accompanying my husband on a business trip. I seemed to be the only one in the room who was startled by the images on the communal television.
Most likely, I had more of a personal connection to that scenario than the others. My ethnic identity, after all, was closely related to the victims. I also share a neurodivergent profile with 20% of the population: Highly Sensitive Person(HSP).
The HSP Personality Type
According to Dr. Elizabeth Scott, writing on Verywell.com, HSPs share “an increased sensitivity to physical, emotional, and social stimuli.” We are often called “too sensitive” by others. Count us out for violent movies and a too-hectic schedule. Count us in for being deeply moved by beauty and having a rich internal life.
If you think you might be a member of our tribe, you can take The Highly Sensitive Person Test, created by Elaine Aron, the psychologist who pioneered this personality type in the mid-1990s.
I believe HSPs are more impacted by both global events and personal challenges. For instance, recently I’ve been disappointed by those around me who do not seem glued to their devices to follow every nuance of the events in the Middle East. I’ve been feeling the same way since the invasion of Ukraine, and have only recently, after 18 months, begun to ignore photos and lengthy descriptions of the horrors to preserve my sanity.
An HSP in Action
Recently, there was an escaped, young prisoner in my bucolic, semirural county in Pennsylvania. The incident captured national attention for two weeks. The fugitive was hiding out in the garden property where I volunteer weekly.
My favorite secret spots were exposed by the national press, including the dairy where the prisoner stole a van to escape. Oddly enough, my predominant emotion was not a fear for safety, but actual empathy for the fugitive, operating in blazing temperatures without food or water. Overwhelming empathy is another HSP quality.
Since I left the world of employment, I have been immensely grateful every day. HSPs do not thrive in the chaos of the workplace. For me, the workplace was the classroom and the education department of a local university: so many personalities to appease. Almost daily, I count my blessings that so much less is required of me.
Survival Strategies
Believing that I’ve never been happier in my life, I was astounded to look back and find that in my six years of retirement, I have lost both parents, supported my son through a serious medical condition, witnessed the divorce of my daughter from my beloved son-in-law, and assisted her move to the West coast into a new marriage. I also guided my husband through two unexpected and very serious surgeries.
Why do I think the quality of my life at this moment is so good? I believe I’ve hit on the perfect strategies of daily living for an HSP: I am a regular participant in life affirming activities. Every morning I make time for meditation and inspirational readings. My house is a model of orderliness, sometimes bordering on perfectionism.
On a weekly basis, there is the watering of plants in a magnificent conservatory, the care of sheep and goats at a local museum, and writing posts for my peers, which help me work through the issues of retirement and aging.
Through great fortune and effort, I am living close to nature with a loving partner, a fellow HSP. There is calming music playing most of the day, a morning routine of newspapers and puzzles, and our days together afford space for alone-time. Good food is a major priority, and we keep our small circle of friends and family as close as they will allow.
These personal strategies also lessen the impact of the perpetual shock of new world calamities. At least the home front is calm. Rick Hanson, writing in Greater Good Magazine, offers these strategies for coping with the pain of others (the techniques work well for global disasters):
- Let the pain in – don’t try to deny its existence.
- Do what you can. In terms of the Israeli/Palestinian situation, I felt some relief when I contacted two close friends who had long-term connections to Israel. I was able to have conversations about their feelings and inquire about the safety of their loved ones.
- Finally, see the big picture. Whether it is a global or personal issue, our powers of control are miniscule. Having a mental picture of our small place in the universe might relieve us of solving the unsolvable.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you think you might be a Highly Sensitive Person? When have you felt overwhelmed by personal or world issues. Have you developed your own coping skills?
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I am very much a highly sensitive person! It’s hard to live knowing atrocities of wars continue ! I notice other people I’m in contact with continue to go on with life.
YES…..I am a highly sensitive person. Family says ‘too emotional’. Therefore I have supported worthy causes all of my life. I was a born a premature baby with a hearing issues and twisted legs and weakened lung. I spent the first four years of my life becoming normal. My husband and I have been together since 17yrs of age. Best mates. Married at 18yrs old. Three months into the marriage I awoke one morning with right side of my body frozen. Unable to stand or walk. Recovery took two years. Soon after we discovered my husband, due to a childhood illness was unable to have children. Next was a life-threatening clot in my leg. As the years unfolded my husband supported me through the bouts of illness. But on his 50th birthday he collapsed on the floor. I had to close our business to become his full time carer. Poverty was the first issue. An ongoing life-threatening illness plagues us. Three years ago a bush fire completely destroyed our lifestyle and everything we own. Three months after the fire, my mother-in-law dies at age 96yrs. We have to organise the funeral without a home. Following the fire, we had only lived 18mths in our new home that we had built when life spun us around once again. My husband got Covid. It caused his weakened body to close down. He has now been in hospital for six weeks with doctors unsure of when he will return home. However when he does return home he will be an invalid. Unable to help himself. Four years ago I was diagnosed with a rare spinal disease. Consequently we now have to face the challenge of selling our lovely new home. Life is a series of bombs waiting to explode. We find pockets of happiness in between the troubles. Through it all we learn coping skills. We shared our coping skills with others who had lost their homes in the Black Summer Bush Fire.
I read your life story and please be strong! Better limes will came ! Take care
This piece really spoke to me n while not seen it labeled as such, is me to a T. Not sure if I need another label and feel so different from all my friends…always the oversensitive one. But that’s me!!! Thank you for your piece…accepting oneself is such a work in progress
I first read about HSP just a year ago and it was like a row of lightbulbs coming on… hey – that’s me! Elaine Aron is the person to Google if you want to know more. Being an HSP can be painful but is also a blessing in so many amazing ways!
Yes I am an HSP, who also loves solitude. I’ve never been happier since retiring from my demanding profession. I ease into my days with gratitude for every second. Learning more about my HSP has helped me understand myself and others better. My deep thinking and deep feelings and longing for meaningful dialogue are a part of me, not of everyone. I used to search for someone like me to connect with, I don’t anymore. I’m quite happy and very content with my life as an HSP!
Really enjoyed your article!
It’s funny, as I was growing up my whole family knew I was extremely sensitive and high-strung. My grandmother used to worry about me because she said it was like I had born with no-skin? I feel others’ feelings and can completely melt-down with too much of things. My parents, however, chose to try and toughen me up. My grandfather used to tell me about the different kinds of horses and said I had the nature of a Thoroughbred! I know things I shouldn’t know, just from observing people. Babies, children, animals and the elderly love me and attach themselves to me. This article spoke so deeply to me. My grandchildren all are very sensitive too and I understand them perfectly! Thank you.