In Defense of Binge-Watching
My son died unexpectedly in December of 2018. After the flurry of activity and visitors surrounding his funeral service, I found myself alone in the house we had so joyfully shared. I was still in the throes of trauma, not capable of deciding or doing much. It was the dead of winter. It felt like everything around me was frozen or dying. Just getting through each day was the best I could manage.
My Netflix Journey Begins
I found the nights most difficult to bear. I’d heard about streaming services but felt I was already paying for cable and didn’t need any more expenses. Then, late one night, in desperation, I signed up for a one-month Netflix trial.
My friends had been talking about Grace and Frankie for years. I knew it was about the friendship between two women after they divorced and their husbands married one another. As my divorce was horrifying, I had no desire to watch a whole series about it. But my friends kept insisting I’d like the series and find it funny if I just gave it a try.
In early January 2019, there were three 13-episode seasons available. I watched every night, starting around one or two in the morning, until I fell asleep at the table while watching on my laptop. By mid-January, I’d watched 39 episodes. On January 19, they released 13 more. By the end of those 13, I had some equilibrium back. I was able to get into my bed to sleep. Grace and Frankie saved me.
A Binge-Watching Partnership
The pandemic isolation found me struggling again. While my three dogs provided lots of snuggles, they weren’t much for conversation. I began to Zoom with different groups and those weekly connections were lifelines. It was when I reconnected with a high school classmate who had buried his wife the week before the shutdown that I found solace with a fellow person in grief.
He too, understood the loneliness of an empty house, exacerbated by complete isolation from the world. We discovered that we could binge-watch Netflix at the same time. We relied on crime drama and thrillers like Longmire, Designated Survivor, Bosch, even venturing into the British Broadchurch.
We’d limit ourselves to watching one episode, but we had a few nights where we couldn’t wait to find out what happened next and watched two. We’d chat before and after, talking about the episode and life in general. Sometimes we made it a cocktail hour. We made plans to travel together after the world reopened.
Much to my heartbreak, he died unexpectedly before we could meet in person. The first few nights after his death, I binge-watched our current series, staying up all night, crying and missing my friend until it was done. I still occasionally pull up one of our favorite episodes and watch it, think of him, and celebrate our binge-watching partnership.
Binge-Watching Gets a Bad Rap
People complain that binge-watching is mildly addictive and gobbles up time. There’s some truth there, as I recently discovered Heartland on Netflix and can easily spend an evening or a night enjoying family drama on a horse ranch in Alberta, Canada. I’ve had to set limits. I can because this watching isn’t trauma-based or trauma-healing. It’s just fun.
I’ll defend binge-watching for times of dire need. I’m grateful Grace and Frankie was there when I most needed it and that I could keep rolling over to the next and the next episode until I could finally sleep. I’m thankful I could share a series with a friend in similar need.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break and do what we need to do to hold on until we can do more. Me? I’ll defend binging if it gets you through. I recently discovered that I can watch all the seasons of some of my old favorite TV shows. Hmmm. I might need some boundaries there.
How to Make the Most of Binge-Watching
Here are five tips to guide your binge-watching experience.
- Choose the appropriate genre: comedy, drama, crime, horror.
- Only watch shows you genuinely like; it’s okay to quit a series.
- How do you feel while binging? If it helps, okay. If it doesn’t, stop.
- Stand or stretch between episodes.
- Permit yourself to binge if you need to, no guilt.
Also read, 10 TV Show Recommendations for Those of Vintage Age.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Is binge-watching among your favorite activities? What series have you binge-watched? Is there anything new that you’re interested in?
It’s bingeing. We don’t bing, we binge.
Usage
In American English, “bingeing” is more common, while in British English, “binging” is more common.
Thank you, Helena!
THAT’S what you took away from such a heartfelt story?
Thank you, Joanne. This story did indeed come straight from my heart!
I struggled between the two acceptable spellings and hope you can look beyond that to the story content.
omg. the Author, Jude Walsh, when she wrote her virtual streaming pal died before they could meet – well, it really drove home the isolation effect
i don’t have a lot of friends. my kids and i road trip for family fun, and i’ve traveled across the US on a motorcycle solo (Cali to ORE to FLA TO SC TO MASS TO NY, NIAGARA FALLS, ERIE, PA, HOME — just out lookin’ around)
i was working p/t through most of it, so i saw people, even though i like my own social circle small, so this inside look at what’s been happening that so impactful – well, a striking article, to be sure
and i thank you for defending binging. i like music as much as viewing, so when i’m moving around, i put music on (right now, my Mom’s Big Band style – lol), and a lot of times when i’m binging, i’m also crafting or drawing or something … i play with language, but that’s hard to think in two languages at once, so i do put music and try shows with my learning language, too …
thank you for defending it; since a car wreck, i’m not as mobile (the Family Holiday Trip will be … ‘different’), so i am different. i’ve spent the two years since the wreck frustrated at doctors that don’t want to look past the obvious, and i’m not willing to go under the knife to that extent without a bigger picture. i’m in a good holding pattern for the Holidays, though
i’m rambling now, sorry, but thanks for this article :-)
Thank you, Beth, I loved your “rambling.” As part of my Winter Solstice Gathering, we made watercolor paintings incorporating our “chosen word” for 2024. The results were delightful. I too binge music, lately it’s been all of Jon Batiste’s works. WOW, just wow! My mother loved Big Band Music and when I hear it, I can hear her singing along. Thanks for reminding me of that!
thank you for your honesty and that TV is a tool that we can use to help us get thru stages in our lives. I started watching Modern Family and I love how it makes me laugh and learn too! Take care and move forward!!
YES! Modern Family is a treasure. Thak you for your encouragement. I wish you well!
Thank you for this wonderful essay. There are times in life we need a crutch to get us through and you chose a heathy one instead of drugs or alcohol abuse. In the world of
cell phones, my siblings (multiple states) text all the way through Detroit Lions football games, talking about what Dad would say. And I text through certain TV shows with a girlfriend, too. Just a thought. Your losses were truly tragic; your gift to us is this essay.
This made me smile! I’ve done some of that texting during televised college basketball games. It keeps me connected with fellow fans watching in different states. I so love that your Dad is still part of your conversations. Thank you for understanding the depth of these losses and the simple solace found via binge-watching.
Ditto! I have been binge watching ever since my husband passed away 5 years ago on New Year’s Eve.
i’m glad you’re finding the tools to help you through that – i can’t imagine!
Ah, Karen… New Year’s Eve must be especially poignant for you. I’ll think of you on that night!