Embracing a Different Kind of Bad-Ass Aging
I got old too soon. I know what you are thinking, don’t we all. But I really did, or at least I felt like I did. Menopause at 46, debilitating arthritis that is causing my joints to be replaced, and let’s not even begin to talk about what happened to my middle. The final straw was a car accident that left me with a TBI and resulted in feeling like I was stoned a lot of the time.
Death by Adventure
Working out, riding horses, paddling rapids, hiking at high elevations and eating well did not protect me from aging and affliction. Neither did prayers. After two illness-related events occurred while I was trying to keep up with my adventure girlfriends (evacuation at high altitude; heat stroke), I went kicking and screaming into shifting my life.
I learned the bitter mantra of Who I was, is not who I am. And I mean this physically, mentally and psychically. This, of course, does not mean that I always like it. When I hear about an adventure, initially, I want to do it! But then I remember how I will feel during and after.
Learning My Karmic Lesson
For example, I was looking forward to a six-mile hike with a 3,000-foot elevation gain with my adventure girlfriends. Within minutes, they were far ahead of me even though I was walking with speed, determination and power.
The thoughts that went through my head were variations of What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I keep up – I work out five days a week! I want to stop and check out that flower but then I will lose more time. Then finally, This sucks.
I trailed them by about 10 minutes to the summit, and I was whipped and not loving life. Eventually, back at our cars, plans got made for a brewery. I was so exhausted, not sure I could drive home, and I melted into my driver seat as they chatted about what beer they would order. I went home. I felt traumatized.
Who I Was
At times, I feel weak and a bit sad because there was a time before that when I had stamina. I could ignore the arthritis pain, and I have limped my way though a 5K and Spring triathlon just two years ago. I hiked Half dome needing a hip replacement.
What drove me to be this way? It was fun! But was it really? What was I proving? I am tough, strong, capable, a bad ass!
A lot of therapy has made me realize how silly, as well as dangerous, these ego attachments are, how rooted in trauma and lacking in self-love, and my ability to ignore body pain was a type of detachment. Yet, this physically pushing of myself has defined me for all my adult life. Now what?
The Shift
Unexpected relief soon followed my begrudging acceptance of who I am today. Now, over a dinner with my adventure girlfriends, I listen to their stories about Peru, each day filled with another extreme sport.
My adventures are quieter, like a trail ride with my horse in a forest so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes because I am going slowly enough to see it. I work out for an hour, not two hours, and not five days a week. I do some HIIT, swim laps, take the dogs on long walks, do chores around my farm and do yoga.
I began cultivating slow adventure friends. We hike but at a nice rambling stroll for three, maybe four miles; we paddle rivers, but not with class IV drops that can kill you. We ride horses and if we chose to trot over a log we think we are going to the Olympics, but no more jumping five-foot pipe gates.
Interestingly, on the cusp of 60, I take greater pleasure in the company of women older than me, who are showing me, by example, that a thick middle does not define you, that less hormones does not mean you are less attractive, that you can be a warrior for yourself and your friends when you, and they, face illness and death. You can learn to play the cello at 75, write a book at 68, move to Spain at 81.
Now, that’s bad ass.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What is your idea of bad ass aging? How has it served you going into your 60s, 70s, 80s and beyond? What activities do you look forward to? Are there activities that fill you with anxiety? Why? Who are your role models for aging? How will your idea about aging impact you today, a month from now, next year, in five years?
Tags Getting Older
What a great article! Kindness and acceptance for ourselves, and where we are in our current lives is powerful. Fantastic message!
I love this post and wanted to share that I am 71 and am also shifting into a kinder and gentler lifestyle! I also do HIIT which entails rapid walking and lots of stairs at the Y, barre work at home, lots of stretching, gardening, hiking but not mountain climbing, and dancing to lively music throughout the day! I have a few girlfriends who are always game for an adventure but we no longer raft the toughest rapids. My balance issues keep me sidelined from riding my bike which I really loved doing and I long to ride it again but afraid of falling now. Life is more mellow for me but it is great yo slow down and appreciate the small things I missed when I was working and so active.
We are not the same person emotionally or physically that we were at 20 , or 40 or 60 or even just yesterday! Each new day is another chance to tune into what are bodies are telling us and asking for. For me, at 67 somedays it’s a gentle 2 mile walk or yoga or qui gong. Other days I feel the joy of a 6 mile bike ride. Moderation in all things is key as well as your attitude.
We have nothing to prove to anyone anymore. We are wonderful just as we find ourselves:)
I love what you wrote. You are wise!
I’m in this space today. I can’t do what I once did. I’m having issues defining what I can do, and more importantly why I’m doing it. I love hiking altitude. There is nothing like a runner’s high. I love distance swimming. I’ve had to cut everything down to a dull roar. It’s enough to send me back to therapy. I simply don’t know how to age and make it work for me, mentally and physically.
Patti, I hear you! It can get you down if you let it! You can be active but respect your body and it’s new needs and attitudes. I like to slow down and smell the roses now. Instead of hiking a certain number of miles per day, I like to choose my trails for the scenery and view now and pause, close my eyes, and perch on on a rock outcropping and just enjoy the moment .
I learned to gracefully let go of the things of youth. At age 71 and in fabulous health, the idea of climbing a mountain is the last thing on my mind. Doubles tennis is now more fun than singles tennis let me tell you. My ego and stamina is less what it used to be and I am enjoying sitting down more than jogging around the block. My energy level is still high but I expend it doing things in line with my age and natural abilities.
It is hard for me also to realize I can’t do what I want to do. Sitting here currently with a healing right knee replacement which hopefully will allow me the ability to at least be able to walk without pain. I hope I can get back to dancing soon.
Sending good thoughts your way for a speedy recovery’! I dance around my house a lot when by myself! It’s good to keep moving always’