Aging Overachievers: Stand Down!

When I first retired at the tender age of 65, I posted a reminder to myself on the fridge:

“Less is required of you!”

I needed to look at that little nugget of wisdom repeatedly. One does not seamlessly shift gears upon receipt of a first pension payment or Social Security check.

Having witnessed legions of elementary school students through my career, I can truthfully admit there is a very small subset of humans in any group of 25 that can be called Overachievers. Male or female, but most often female, these little demons are first to finish their work and ask for seconds, take on cleaning and organizing tasks in the classroom, and mentor the less fortunate souls in their orbit.

Although possibly not born into this “caste,” women frequently assume the title through the regular process of raising a family while working, or overachieving in the realm of their careers, either due to personal expectations or expectations of their work colleagues.

In my early retirement years, I half-heartedly tried to reverse this trend, but now that I passed through the portal to my septuagenarian years, I cannot keep up the charade (nor do I want to!) Overachieving is no longer a possibility!

What Does Overachieving Look Like in Retirement?

If I recorded my behavior through timelapse photography over the 8 years of my retirement, you would not see gradual changes. I believe you would only see abrupt changes around the age of 70. Such changes would be in the physical realm: an exhausted me would be doing insanely physical home tasks like my younger self and becoming angrier and angrier at my husband, who I did not even ask to help.

In the family realm, a scan of my heart would reveal incessant, worrying thoughts about my adult children, who were quite happily living their own adult lives. The timelapse photography would find me volunteering 3-4 times per week with growing resentment. Some scenes would find me in the kitchen making elaborate recipes most nights of the week and going overboard when guests were invited.

The Physical Blow Out

With the best of intentions, I was relentlessly unsuccessful in toning myself down in earlier retirement. Little signs on the refrigerator were somewhat futile. Ultimately, my body was the dreaded boss no one really wants to work for! Luckily, there was not an untoward event which landed me in the ER, just a host of pesky signs reminding me that the speed of the train needed to be reduced!

Elite Retirees Are the Worst!

Retired athletes and CEOs belong in my original overachiever group. There is a lot of material online to help these two groups adjust in their later years, and it might provide some insight for those of us in retirement who still feel the need to remain productive at unrealistic levels. Even the title of one of those pieces should inspire: Life After the Finish Line.

Professional athletes have tremendous drive and a willingness to exert themselves to their fullest potential. Shifting into retirement requires a recalibration of identity along with feelings of a loss of status. They often find abrupt lifestyle modifications challenging. Sound familiar?

Those retiring CEOs have been habituated to a frenetic environment. Does this also sound familiar? In retirement, their feelings of boredom, emptiness and a loss of self-esteem are common challenges. Additionally, ignored family dynamics move into view.

Dr. Ahmed Al-Katib writing on the website Psychiatry in Motion finds common challenges among all high achievers which might resonate with the tribe: perfectionism, constant pressure to perform, hyper-vigilance, chronic burnout and an “always on” mentality.

Why Aging Can Be the Panacea

Our bodies are NOT benevolent dictators. The brain and its partners in our physical form have not gotten the retirement memo. Unfortunately, there is no orderly transition to a more measured pace of life. Observation of peers finds frequent, unexpected breakdowns in structural elements internally and externally. The common denominator is that this body which served us well without much thought needs the attention of a Tik-Tok influencer!

Writing on Very Well Health, Anna Giorgi gives an illuminating rundown of what to expect as we age. The main offenders are muscles atrophying, stiffening connective tissues, porous bones, inept cardiac muscle and nerves, decreased lung capacity, and those senescent cells which should perish, but live on to create chaos. Overachievers? You have finally been released from bondage!

How Can an Aging Body Bring Relief?

What a pleasure it is to finally put an end to the daily, deafening playlist of “shoulds.”

Yes, “to do lists” still exist, but they are suggestions, not imperatives. Some previously dreaded tasks are off the table – dragging heavy bags of potting soil to the car, feeling like the body will self-destruct without a daily dose of exercise, fear of asking others to help, and, most importantly, feeling required to take on responsibility for issues in loved ones’ lives which they can handle perfectly well themselves.

Understandably, coming to a place of peace after a lifetime of supreme effort will take time. I find that overachieving is not and never has been a virtue. It is easy to ask for help when it is a physical imperative. The release of personal responsibility is every bit as helpful to others in one’s sphere as it is to the self.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What are some excessive behaviors you needed to change at this stage of life? Do you have any strategies that have helped you to move more deliberately at a slower pace?