Actionable Plan for Estranged Parents Over 60
Estrangement from an adult child can be an incredibly distressing and tumultuous experience, especially for parents over 60. The deep pain and grief resulting from severed ties and the longing for reconnection can impact your emotional well-being.
The uncertainty of the situation may weigh heavily on your heart, causing overwhelming waves of sadness and anxiety. It is during these challenging times that it becomes vital to recognize that your life holds immense value beyond the choices made by your child.
In this blog post, we embark on a journey together, exploring practical strategies and perspectives to help you navigate the complexities of adult-child estrangement. I aim to provide you with valuable tools and insights to find resilience within yourself and reclaim joy and fulfillment in your life.
Estrangement can profoundly impact your overall well-being, and you can gradually rebuild a sense of strength and purpose through proactive steps.
The following sections will delve into practical advice, offering guidance to navigate the intricacies of adult-child estrangement. By embracing these strategies, you will gain valuable insights into self-care, emotional support, disconnection from external stressors, stress management techniques, and the transformative power of gratitude.
Together, we will explore how these elements can become integral parts of your healing process, empowering you to rediscover your worth and find moments of peace and contentment.
Gratitude Practice
One powerful tool for shifting your focus from pain and grief to the positive aspects of life is cultivating a gratitude practice. Make a conscious effort to acknowledge and appreciate even the smallest blessings regularly.
Consider starting a gratitude journal where you can jot down three things you are grateful for each day. Additionally, incorporate gratitude exercises into your daily routine, such as expressing thanks during meals or performing acts of kindness for others. You will nurture an optimistic outlook and find contentment even in challenging circumstances by cultivating gratitude.
Don’t Do It Alone
Throughout this journey, it is important to remember that you are not alone. Contact trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can give you the understanding and support you need. You can find solace and validation by sharing your experiences with others who have gone through similar situations.
Consider joining online communities or forums specifically tailored to parents dealing with adult-child estrangement. Additionally, seeking professional help, such as therapy or expert coaching, can offer specialized guidance and support, ensuring you navigate your unique circumstances with clarity and confidence.
Take Care of Yourself
Self-care should be an integral part of your daily routine to navigate the pain of estrangement. Prioritize not only your physical well-being but also your emotional and mental health. Engage in activities that bring you a profound sense of joy and inner peace.
Whether taking leisurely walks in nature, practicing meditation or yoga, immersing yourself in creative pursuits, or simply setting aside quiet self-reflection, these acts of self-care are vital. By actively investing in your well-being, you will gain the strength and resilience needed to face the challenges you experience now and those that lie ahead.
Take Social Media Breaks
Carving out regular moments of disconnection from technology and social media is crucial in this age of constant connectivity. The online world often presents comparisons and stressors that can intensify feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. Dedicate specific times each day or week to detach from your electronic devices and immerse yourself in activities that promote relaxation and self-reflection.
Engage in hobbies that bring you joy, read books that inspire you, spend quality time with loved ones, or allow yourself to be fully present in the moment. Creating intentional space away from digital distractions will foster inner peace, mental clarity, and a renewed sense of self.
Stress Reduction
Managing stress effectively is crucial when navigating the challenges of estrangement from an adult child. In addition to the strategies mentioned earlier, explore additional techniques that resonate with you. Practice mindfulness or guided meditation to cultivate a sense of calm and presence. Engage in regular physical exercise to release tension and boost your overall well-being.
Explore creative outlets that allow you to express yourself and process your emotions. And if needed, seek professional guidance to learn personalized stress management techniques that cater to your needs. Remember that finding the right approach to reducing stress and promoting emotional well-being may require experimentation and adaptation.
Conclusion
While navigating the complexities of estrangement from an adult child is undeniably challenging, it is crucial to remember that healing and resilience are attainable. You can nurture your overall well-being by prioritizing self-care, seeking emotional support, consciously disconnecting from stressors, learning and implementing effective stress management techniques, and embracing gratitude.
Be patient and compassionate with yourself, as healing is a gradual process that takes time. By focusing on personal growth and well-being, you will gradually rediscover joy, fulfillment, and a renewed sense of purpose in your life, independent of the outcome of the estrangement.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What practices have helped you to heal and move forward after adult-child estrangement? When you are feeling bad about your estrangement situation, what practices can you engage in to bring you some relief?
Tags Estrangement
Obviously, there are lousy parents and lousy kids. One thing I know is I didn’t and wouldn’t have treated my parents like this. After flying across the US to see my grandson graduate, my daughter saw me, then turned and walked away without a word. Some here asked what I did wrong but most people say I did too much. So how am I coping: 1) I closed the Bank of Mom 2) I travel with my wonderful husband and camp in our trailer 3) Never wasted a minute on social media 4) Garden 5) Visit people I know that care about the real me 6) Stay in touch with the daughters who speak to me. Eight months have passqed and it is better but not sure I will ever be able to totally heal if she does talk to me so I will heal myself.
Thank you for sharing. Very inspiring!
Closing the Bank if Mom is a very good and revealing first step! This made all the rest clear and helped greatly. Highly recommended.
What a crock! Not one tiny, tiny mention to review one’s behavior or review what issues your child has told you a million times about. Ask yourself, “Are you respecting requested boundaries?” etc., etc. Maybe it is your fault and maybe you need to change…..hummmmm????
Yeah I have a kid who said this. She amazingly left out all of her lies, all the million second chances she was given after lying and hurting others, taking money from them, not taking accountability for any of her actions, and expecting everyone to serve her needs like she’s a queen while she had no common decency to others.
I’m estranged from my 94 year old mother. She dumped me a couple years ago when I had no more use for her. She used me my entire life as a human shield when I was a child for blows meant for her, as her emotional support starting when I was not even a teenager with her problems with my father, estranged me from my father, stole the tiny items he left me as an inheritance (she got all the money), treated me like dirt from birth and gaslit me with the abuse she and her golden children (the two oldest) heaped on me.
I stupidly took it all for decades, doing whatever she and her darlings asked of me – and rarely getting anything in return. With my serious health issues, she and her darlings belittled or questioned them and certainly never checked up on me or visited me in the hospital. It was embarrassing as the health staff and others always noticed this bad treatment. I made excuses for my mother and siblings like an idiot.
My mother lied to me constantly and especially after she used me to clean out her 45 year home of hoarding alone (my siblings and their adult children refused my requests to help though they were in much better financial and other positions to help). I helped her downsize and found her a beautiful place when my siblings failed to do so. This all took a toll on my mental and physical health. My mother was so cruel to me during the two years it took to downsize her, I was self-harming (something I’d done always when around my family due to the cruelty and abuse and putdowns) and was ready to kill myself. That would have been a dream come true for my mother and her darlings.
She lied for a year or more about taking me off as executor and trustee on her financial papers – after she got all she wanted out of me, then moved to a condo NOT meant for a 94 year old and pays the $1,100 HOA so my brother in law (a wealthy person) can use the amenities my mother could never use (pool, tennis courts, gym).
I tried once or twice to reconnect so we could at least have closure. But she is around her darlings now and doesn’t need me so she ignored my requests and ghosts my holiday and birthday greetings.
I know this is support for you, but the toll some parents take on their children destroys those children’s lives and health. I would counsel any younger person to estrange themselves as soon as possible and never look back to have a chance on life. Something I never got and my mother couldn’t care less about, after my lifetime of looking out for her.
Forgot to add: she disinherited me too though I am alone and without a home or much money, unlike my well to do siblings that she showered with love and adoration. The pain of knowing I matter so little to her is horrible. But I should have accepted it long ago.
Of course if you ask her, she’d say she’s been nothing but wonderful to me (a lifetime of friends and colleagues and doctors of mine would beg to differ). The worst is that I invested 60+ years trying to get her to like, love or care about me. It was never possible. Now I’m dealing with the reality but will never get any acknowledgement at the very least from society.
I was really sad to read your comments. In my husband’s family the golden children were his 2 younger siblings, there is 8 years between him and his sister, 11 between him and his brother.
His brother is 51 and has never moved out of the house, now living with his widowed father. Never made any financial contributions to the household, he just lived rent a bill free since leaving school at 16. My father in law is leaving everything to him including the house because my mother in law said whilst he was a good boy, he wouldn’t be able to look after himself if anything happened to them.
Sister in law is 55. all her adult life she’s had things like loans for houses that were never paid back, bills paid etc (she and her partner have 3 adult children living with them who don’t pay rent or bills either!). She is famous for getting into debt and her dad just pays it off.
I am glad I don’t have contact with them.
It can only take a toll if we let it! I want no contact with my parents because of their treatment of me. Both were alcoholics and when my drunk father went after me with his walker, I drew the line. People can only abuse us if we let them. As adults we can stop them.
Yes and this goes for the abusive adult children, too. They can only abuse their parents if we the parents permit it. We parents do not have to put up with it. My life is getting better fast now that all that nastiness isn’t coming at me!