Accepting the Face in the Mirror
I was in my early 50s when I went to South Korea to visit my daughter who was teaching English at Yeugnam University in Taegu.
We were invited to the home of the head of her department and served soju, a drink guaranteed to make you believe you’re the smartest primate on the planet until you try to stand up. I focused all my concentration on walking a straight line to their car, trying not to embarrass myself or my daughter, and we were whisked away to a famous fish restaurant for dinner.
Blowfish is poisonous. It must be expertly prepared for consumption so as not to prove lethal. We were seated on cushions on the floor in a private room at a table that appeared to be far too large for the four of us until the food started coming. Our honorable host had ordered in advance. We had raw blowfish soup, blowfish tempura, and blowfish sashimi. That aquatic menace was also served to us steamed and deep-fried. But the ultimate test, the one I willed my stomach not to reject, was blowfish skin salad.
Of course, there were side dishes, too many to count, and every morsel on that table was offered to me. I’d done my homework on cultural dos and don’ts and knew better than to decline. Throughout a sleepless night, my stomach gurgled and churned but I survived. The next day we were scheduled for lunch with one of the students my daughter tutored.
The Importance of Appearance
The girl’s mother was 39 and stunning. Her skin had the flawless perfection of an airbrushed photograph. We were barely seated in the restaurant when she began a conversation about the importance of appearance. I was shocked to learn that she had already had multiple cosmetic surgeries. She turned to me and frowned. “You should, too,” she said.
I may have stammered a response, but my internal dialogue was far more memorable. Who? Me? People are surprised when I tell them my age. They think I’m ten years younger. I like the crinkles around my eyes and the laugh lines. Cosmetic surgery? Really? Never!
I have no clue what we had for lunch.
The Face Is What the World Sees and Judges
We learn early on how to smile at the appropriate times, regulate the emotions that want to contort our features, apply enhancements to accentuate the positive whether it be mascara to showcase exotic eyes, or lipstick.
As years passed, I didn’t give that episode much thought other than a story now and then to entertain friends.
But now, when I look in the mirror, the person who stares back is almost a stranger to me. After 60, changes happen fast. The body can be dressed, disguised, and hidden. But there seems to be no way to mentally prepare for the way time morphs a face.
In the remote farming community where I’ve come to retire, I’m surrounded by an elderly population. Creased and leathery from hard work in all kinds of weather, any exposed skin wears age like a badge of honor. No one would dream of going under the knife to chase youth. But what if I worked in a metropolitan area? What if I still had my interior design studio and high-profile clients? How tempted would I be to erase the ravages of time as much as possible?
Changes Are Inevitable and Accepting Them Is Freeing
I admire women who are still going strong in the workplace well into their 60s and 70s. Whatever they decide to do to retain their power and vitality in a social system where youth is deified, is a decision only they can make. I can’t say for certain what I would do if I were competing with women half my age for a position in the job market.
But, at some point, isn’t it time to relax, take off the mask, and embody who we have become? I’ve found immense freedom in being exactly who I am, saying what I mean, and doing what I want without worrying about what all that looks like. I’ve come to terms with the unglamorous transformations happening to my body, and I’ve (somewhat grudgingly) accepted the time-worn face in my mirror.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Have you come to accept the wrinkles and lines? Or have you decided to go the plastic surgery route? Is there wisdom in either choice?
Tags Getting Older
Quite honestly, I tend to ignore the bathroom mirror as much as possible unless applying makeup. Upon viewing my reflection, I cannot, but help notice how similar my features are to my father’s when he was ten years older than I am now. Whatever happened to the face and figure of the dancer I used to be in my twenties? Some how, my mind and body do not seem to be in sync. Instead of being fit and slender, I am now older, and in denial about being overweight. Though cancer is behind me now, I still have not returned to my former exercise programme, or even riding my electric bike. The one that’s parked by the front door, tires pumped, battery charged, just screaming to be taken out for a spin! Somehow, I feel stuck dealing with the nasty side effects of radiation that still impact every aspect of my life, as I navigate social interactions with care and attention, so as to avoid, ‘accidents’, even a trip to the store, can be traumatic, if I have to wait for a slow checker. I have tried every medical treatment known to man, even have an Interstim Implant, Botox, and Bulkamid. And, if I had a mesh implant, who knows how much difference that would make; would it be worth another surgery for little improvement?
I have started watching Marie-Anne Lecoer’s Youtube videos on how to dress like a French Woman, something I find addicting, as well as restoring confidence. Though I realize accepting who we are, and how we look, eating a healthy diet, getting enough quality sleep and exercise are all important; sometimes, it seems to take effort to look one’s best all the time. You Margaret and Marie-Anne, both inspire me to do better, and bring balance to all aspects of life. Both of you are lovely ladies inside and out! Looking and acting ‘ Mumsie’ is not allowed, even though my little grand-daughter doesn’t seem to mind! But, then, she’s the first to swap sun hats when we go to the beach, and laugh at how funny Grammy looks wearing hers! Innocense is bliss!
Margaret Manning is a spectacular role model! And I’m going to Google Marie-Anne for more inspiration! Meanwhile, thank goodness for grandchildren who sometimes ask embarrassing questions but love us unconditionally!
I see a woman who has lived a full life and intends to live ’til she dies. I see an authentic woman who is unconcerned about the ravages of the harsh Australian outback climate and gravity. I see humour, curiosity and occasionally pain. When I finally retire (I’m 77) I will more often see a woman appropriately made-up, dressed well and smiling. Surgery? I don’t think so. I just don’t trust a surgeon to get it right. A knee replacement hasn’t gone that well, so why would I trust another to fiddle with my face?
Great response! And a very logical approach to the question of cosmetic surgery!
I have had some cosmetic procedures, and I’m happy I’ve done so. Can they stop my aging? – no, but I like the neater appearance of smoother skin, without so many sags and bags dragging me down. I still do have a few (sags and bags), but they are minor, and I’m doing my best to keep them at bay. I am also about 15% gray, and I have my hair color carefully touched up to match my natural color. — To each her own, but I really do prefer to fight the good fight, until or unless I get tired of doing so.
I think you nailed it, Amy… some of us get tired of fighting the aging process sooner than others. There is no doubt that gray hair ages a person, and sags and wrinkles even more so. But the energy and time required to stay a step ahead eventually has to be preserved for just getting out of bed!
Thank you for posting your comment. I haven’t had plastic surgery but would not be entirely opposed to some minor tweaks. For myself, as I age toward 70, I started missing my old self, so I dyed my hair brunette and I do wear a bit of face powder and light lipstick before going out. It makes me feel good and that’s what matters most. Do what makes you happy.
I agree, I apply mascara, tinted moisturizer and a lipstick ..makes me feel better.
I’ve come to a point at 63, that I no longer care about what other people think. I do however care about what I think when I look in the mirror. I am fit and I am strong, for which I work very hard, for no other reason except Health. Still I look in the mirror, I do not like the permanent lines on my forehead, and in between my eyes. Therefore, I have made the very difficult decision, after much consideration and research to try Botox. If I don’t like it, I will not continue.
I firmly believe that if there is something we don’t like about our appearance, it is our right to do whatever makes us feel comfortable.
Absolutely. Whatever it takes to continue to love and respect ourselves as we age is nobody’s business but our own.
When I look in the mirror I look at how beautiful I’ve become with age and the only improvement I need to make is to lose weight and I’ve already started that journey. I am 64 soon to be 65 in August and I look good. I don’t want to dress young or look young cause aging looks good on me. I am who I am and I love who I am with my aging self. Some young women wish they looked as good as I do
You’re one of the lucky ones!