sixtyandme logo
We are community supported and may earn a commission when you buy through links on our site. Learn more

Accepting the Face in the Mirror

By Sherry Bronson February 17, 2024 Mindset

I was in my early 50s when I went to South Korea to visit my daughter who was teaching English at Yeugnam University in Taegu. 

We were invited to the home of the head of her department and served soju, a drink guaranteed to make you believe you’re the smartest primate on the planet until you try to stand up. I focused all my concentration on walking a straight line to their car, trying not to embarrass myself or my daughter, and we were whisked away to a famous fish restaurant for dinner.

Blowfish is poisonous. It must be expertly prepared for consumption so as not to prove lethal. We were seated on cushions on the floor in a private room at a table that appeared to be far too large for the four of us until the food started coming. Our honorable host had ordered in advance. We had raw blowfish soup, blowfish tempura, and blowfish sashimi. That aquatic menace was also served to us steamed and deep-fried. But the ultimate test, the one I willed my stomach not to reject, was blowfish skin salad.

Of course, there were side dishes, too many to count, and every morsel on that table was offered to me. I’d done my homework on cultural dos and don’ts and knew better than to decline. Throughout a sleepless night, my stomach gurgled and churned but I survived. The next day we were scheduled for lunch with one of the students my daughter tutored.

The Importance of Appearance

The girl’s mother was 39 and stunning. Her skin had the flawless perfection of an airbrushed photograph. We were barely seated in the restaurant when she began a conversation about the importance of appearance. I was shocked to learn that she had already had multiple cosmetic surgeries. She turned to me and frowned. “You should, too,” she said.

I may have stammered a response, but my internal dialogue was far more memorable. Who? Me? People are surprised when I tell them my age. They think I’m ten years younger. I like the crinkles around my eyes and the laugh lines. Cosmetic surgery? Really? Never!

I have no clue what we had for lunch.

The Face Is What the World Sees and Judges

We learn early on how to smile at the appropriate times, regulate the emotions that want to contort our features, apply enhancements to accentuate the positive whether it be mascara to showcase exotic eyes, or lipstick. 

As years passed, I didn’t give that episode much thought other than a story now and then to entertain friends. 

But now, when I look in the mirror, the person who stares back is almost a stranger to me. After 60, changes happen fast. The body can be dressed, disguised, and hidden. But there seems to be no way to mentally prepare for the way time morphs a face. 

In the remote farming community where I’ve come to retire, I’m surrounded by an elderly population. Creased and leathery from hard work in all kinds of weather, any exposed skin wears age like a badge of honor. No one would dream of going under the knife to chase youth. But what if I worked in a metropolitan area? What if I still had my interior design studio and high-profile clients? How tempted would I be to erase the ravages of time as much as possible? 

Changes Are Inevitable and Accepting Them Is Freeing

I admire women who are still going strong in the workplace well into their 60s and 70s. Whatever they decide to do to retain their power and vitality in a social system where youth is deified, is a decision only they can make. I can’t say for certain what I would do if I were competing with women half my age for a position in the job market.

But, at some point, isn’t it time to relax, take off the mask, and embody who we have become? I’ve found immense freedom in being exactly who I am, saying what I mean, and doing what I want without worrying about what all that looks like. I’ve come to terms with the unglamorous transformations happening to my body, and I’ve (somewhat grudgingly) accepted the time-worn face in my mirror

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Have you come to accept the wrinkles and lines? Or have you decided to go the plastic surgery route? Is there wisdom in either choice?

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

101 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Jana

At almost 70, i recently discovered a short mantra that i say whenever I get concerned about how i look in the mirror.
It goes:
You are a creation of the divine.
I delight in your uniqueness!
—-
Blessings…
💕

Sherry Bronson

Love it! Thanks for sharing the mantra, Jana.

Vikki

I could ditto each and every comment here ! But still, I do care but am too reluctant for any major cosmetic surgery because at 72 there are other health issues ! Nothing wrong in my view to do it if you feel better but I’ve seen results that would make me feel worse. I’m putting my energy into health and energy and attitude.

Linda

I had eyelid surgery, partly because of a drooping eyelid, it because I always looked tired. I’m happy I did it.

Sherry Bronson

60 is one turning point, 70 is quite another! Focusing on staying healthy, maintaining sufficient energy, and having a positive mindset can be all-consuming leaving no time to give much thought to the face in the mirror!

Alex

Its difficult not to pay attention to what we look like and who we want to be seen as when we are still working. I struggle to be listened to sometimes and my ‘image’ is important. Most of the time I am in overalls and work boots, it is a male dominated job often and not at all glamorous job

Sherry Bronson

You face entirely different issues In your job than most women in the workplace. I hope you figure out how to navigate the patriarchy and have your voice count.

Donna OBlock

I was surprised to see this article was written by Sherry, my hero! I am having trouble accepting “69 yo heading to 70” me. I’m trying. My face is definitely changing recently. Is it worry? Probably as I’m trying to embrace giving up my home of almost 50 years and relocating to my “next chapter” space. I’m happy for my older friends so I can see where I’m headed. I was ok with becoming invisible when I grew out my silver, assumed to be older than all the other dyed heads, but geez. 70 is really freaking me out!

Joyce

Donna, I am 73 and I can truthfully say that age is just a number. Relax!

Rina

Sorry to say but 70 is a hard pill to swallow! I’m 71 now but I’m still in shock having faced that number! I should be saying something encouraging so I’ll say that all you can do is your best and keep smiling!!

Sherry Bronson

Yes, Donna, I’m back. Thank you for noticing!

Letting go is one of the most difficult things we have to do as we grow older. I’m hoping the transition from your home goes smoothly. In my case, getting rid of years of accumulated stuff was a huge unburdening. I hope you will experience the freedom of that as well.

Ah, 70. As I approached that birthday I told myself, “It’s just a number,” and my Self answered, “Yes! A freaking BIG number!” So I decided to make it memorable. I rented a house on the cliffs overlooking the sea in Praiano Italy for a month. I couldn’t really afford it, but I had excellent credit and decided to just do it. It was an utterly phenomenal experience. We need to celebrate these milestone birthdays, not dread them. What can you do for yourself to make turning 70 a wonderful experience? I’m wishing the best for you, Donna!

Linda

I’m 72 this week ..yikes! I still feel most days like I am in my 50s.

Dot

I think it is time for all women to age gracefully. Who says we can’t be beautiful or valued unless we look a certain way. Most of us have spent our lives striving for what the world sees as beautiful. We would do our daughters a great service to love and accept what we see in the mirror.

Sherry Bronson

We owe our daughters that!

The Author

Sherry Bronson is a writer and traveler. After downsizing, she spent ten thrilling years in Bali, then a year exploring Mexico. Now, she's in northern Minnesota rehabbing a derelict hunting cabin on the family farm. On her blog, Sherry encourages readers to fearlessly and fully live their own authentic lives.

You Might Also Like