3 Ways to Maintain the Allure of Confidence in Your 60s
The most alluring attribute a woman can possess is confidence. Confidence turns heads, makes easy introductions and can stop the world in its tracks.
Some years ago, I spent a week’s vacation with two of my grammar school chums. Each of us is unique, and each of our lives turned out very differently. Also, each of us had the allure of confidence even in our Catholic grammar school.
This Is How We Were Raised to Be
After my divorce almost four decades ago, I chose to carve out my gypsy journey of acting, teaching, writing, and traveling. I raised two sons and kept on dancing as if no one was watching. I’ve had a pretty good sense of self because I was raised by a father and mother who instilled confidence in me. At an early age, I understood and was grateful for the gifts and talents I was blessed with.
I met my friend Charlotte when we were both three years old. She divorced after 18 years of marriage (as I did) because of her husband’s addictions, and she raised two talented and educated children.
Charlotte was strong and beautiful and lucky enough to have fallen in love with a wonderful man 25 years ago. She married him and stayed by his side until his death. She still lives in their home tending diligently and lovingly to their joyful memories.
Her alluring confidence manifests itself in a highly developed social and emotional intelligence. She also derives great happiness from her family, grandchildren, a large circle of friends and her gardening. Charlotte walks like she knows where she is going, what she will be doing at every given minute of the day and carries a sense of urgency about how to live a happy life.
The third member of our clique is Frances. Frances is Phyllis Diller on steroids. She was the funniest girl in school, with a big heart on top. She never doubted the power of her humor, her memory, stray animals, and people, and her less than glamour-girl looks. In fact, Frances was our senior homecoming queen.
It was unfortunate that Frances was raised by two dysfunctional parents. They disliked almost everyone who was anything other than Catholic, German, or Irish. Frances was rebelling before she got out of high school, acting out and defying parental rules.
After leaving home, Frances spent decades in rebellion. She married three husbands, all of whom she outlived. She was never confident enough to find happiness. She searched for a stable life, finally marrying her last husband for money and not for love.
She lived in misery, surrounded by a shroud of alcohol and cigarettes. As Frances lost the allure of confidence, her belief in self ran out. And yet, there was hope because she had enough confidence to raise three children.
It was sad to see Frances lose her way, even though every so often, she has flashes of the young girl who was the homecoming queen, full of humor and gusto. After difficult days of watching someone you love fall apart daily, Charlotte and I decided to forgive Frances for not being what we wanted her to be.
Maintaining the Allure of Confidence
We all suffer from small deaths: loss of autonomy, individuality, or dignity. The enemy is loss of confidence, and that loss leads to self-pity. When we reach the stage of self-pity, we lose respect before everyone’s eyes.
Here’s how we can maintain the allure of confidence for the rest of our lives.
Possess Self-Knowledge
There is nothing more assertive and alluring as self-knowledge. From knowledge comes truth, or as the yogis say, truth to power. Knowing who you are, what your values are, how you want to live your life, etc. instills an overall state of well-being in us.
Whenever I am disappointed, or ask myself if I can be utterly happy being alone, I dig deep into my values, find my bliss, and maintain my autonomy.
Stay Engaged
Nothing is more exciting in life than staying engaged – socially, emotionally, and intellectually. Engagement gives us the ability to stay curious, vibrant, and alluring. Engagement gives us the ability to stay present, active and, focused. Embracing these ideas is a prescription to staying confident with inner peace.
Practice Acceptance
Life is a process of living, and part of living is accepting our journey, our experiences. Acceptance is integral to maintaining our alluring confidence. Acceptance is a form of recognition that we have been given a life that is connected to everything and everyone in our universe.
By approving this life, we honor our mind, body, and spirit. It is then that we can rejoice because we are able to come full circle – from birth to death – giving ourselves permission to create a life worth living.
Our dear friend Frances got off track and lost belief in self and, as a result, lost her confidence and willingness to lead a happy and fulfilling life. What Charlotte and I recognized during our vacation week together was that our individual confidence would lead us through the last decades of our lives. And we felt blessed.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Would you describe yourself as a confident person? Do you accept yourself flaws and all? Please join the conversation below!
Tags Inspiration
Phyllis Diller on steroids made me laugh out loud, I had an eccentric aunt who was the same and she was my favourite relative.
It’s hard to forgive someone when we feel they’ve let us and themselves down. We want so much for our friends and it’s so disheartening when we feel let down. It’s like a little death when we realize that this is how their life has now become.
While I accept the validity of the points you make about developing confidence, I seems to me that you and your friend Frances illustrate the principle that so much of self-confidence is instilled form birth onwards. You had supportive and loving parents; she came from a family you describe as “dysfunctional.” Coming from a dysfunctional background myself, I’ve developed a reasonable amount of self-confidence as I’ve aged (I’m now 78), but it’s taken a lot of time and a fair amount of grief along the way. And I wouldn’t say that most of it has come from following principles, but from having loving friends and children, from accepting the validity of the small moments of success that I’ve achieved, from accepting myself as a human, warts and all, and from developing the ability to be grateful for whatever gifts each day brings me.
You forgave Frances for not being what YOU wanted her to be? Real big of you. What arrogance.
I agree with you Beth, no one can blame another for not being who they want them to be. We are all out own individual selves.
Why not forgive yourselves for judging your friend? I agree with Beth!
I agree with Beth. We don’t all share the same life experiences, and we shouldn’t judge others for what we’re clearly unable to understand. Some have harder paths to follow than others. Instead, we should have compassion and understanding for others, even if we don’t comprehend why they are the way they are at that moment. My life experiences have made it difficult for me to ever see the world again as others do, and, believe it or not, I consider this to be a blessing. We don’t all have to happily skip along to the beat of the same drummer. Some of us fall off the path repeatedly for good reason, and then, repeatedly have to pick ourselves back up again and start again. But, there is learning that comes with this. Not learning that those who have never experienced this could appreciate, but important learning, just the same. We’re not meant to be carbon copies of one another.
I also agree with Beth . Everything I (normally) read says to embrace your own unique self.
Also not to live your life based on what others expect of you.
I appreciate that your experience was a long time ago and these things weren’t necessarily thought of then but your blog was written recently when these views are well known.
So maybe next time you write a blog you should keep these things in mind.
I fully agree with you Beth. It sounds like a lot of judgments and little understanding or acceptance. We all have life experiences that form who we are, and we hope to look to our friends to understand and search out our best qualities. Not compare and cast judgment.
This is a great article.