We all know how to flirt at least a little bit because some flirting happens subconsciously. This means it happens without our conscious awareness, so it’s very natural and automatic. Super sexual flirting isn’t done naturally, and that’s not something I recommend for women who are shy or new to dating.

Feeling awkward is my least favorite feeling. That’s why I suggest subtle flirting and developed two phrases as my secret weapon I can use any time I’m feeling at a loss for words. They are simple to say and just off-beat enough that they usually get at least a grin from my date.

When you’re new to dating or on a first date, it’s natural to feel nervous. You may like your date but feel a bit too vulnerable to let him know it. However, women control the pace of the relationship. So, if you hold back, your evening could fall flat due to lack of chemistry. Your date may be waiting for a cue from you before he steps up his game and reciprocates.

Flirting Is All About Being Fun, Light, and Playful

The easiest way to start flirting is to take a breath and make a point to be yourself. This means, be the person your family and friends know, not a stiff, formal woman on a date. Dating is all about deciding if you like the person before you – and vice versa. So, if your date doesn’t end up attracted to the real you, he’s simply not a good fit – move on.

It’s fun to flirt with a man. It helps him feel confident and it gives you confidence. It’s a win-win all around.

Instead of teaching some hard-core seductive flirting tips, I’m including concepts that even a shy woman can do to liven up a date. As your confidence grows you may decide to be more seductive, but these concepts can help you get started.

Flirting 101

• Make real eye contact, without staring. This tells the man you’re interested.
• Touch his hand or forearm briefly for emphasis when you’re talking.
• Include his name in your conversation.
• Casually compliment him. A simple, “Nice shirt” will do.
• Go ahead and be your fun, quirky self. Laughing together builds attraction.
• Try to sit next to him rather than across the table. You’ll want to lean in to talk.
• Repeat back what he says to you in a light, airy tone of voice, so he knows you’re teasing.

For example:

Him: “I went to the gym earlier today.”

You: “You went to the gym, do tell!”

Doing simple things like these gives him permission to reciprocate which can shift the entire atmosphere of the date. And most importantly, if he doesn’t respond, you’ll still feel okay because you’re not doing anything that is so obvious that you’ll feel awkward if the flirting is one-sided.

And Now, My Secret Weapons

I created these two phrases to help me start some light, easy banter when dating was hard for me. And with a little tweaking you can use these phrases in almost any situation. Remember to use a light tone of voice and always be positive to make sure whatever you say is received as teasing.

Him: “I went to the gym today.”

You option 1: “Hmmmmmm, I’m not really sure what to say to that.”

You option 2: “OOH LA LA, I’m having coffee with the next Arnold Schwarzenegger.”

If you smiled when you read these, you’ll understand the response you’ll get in person. Try them for yourself and see how they feel. After a little practice, you’ll see how you can use them almost any time. They can be a great lifesaver.

Even if you’re not wildly attracted to your date, flirt a little bit as practice to help you develop your own unique style. Women are just as responsible for creating chemistry in a relationship as men are and you may be surprised at what happens when you start flirting. It may just change things up enough during your date to create those butterflies you’ve been hoping for.

Be brave enough to be yourself and flirt a little more each time. As you become comfortable feeling uncomfortable, you’ll expand your comfort zone and be your authentic self. And isn’t that the person you want your date to know and love?

You can’t really do it wrong, so just go for it and have fun! I’m rooting for you!

Until next time, keep your heart open and ready for love. You never know where it will find you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your best flirting weapon? How does it work on dates? Do you think light flirting is the key to getting to know someone?