What Is the Story Your Home Tells About You?
We read books and newspapers, blogs and magazine articles. What if we started reading our home’s story; the message between the lines and pages of its history, between the nooks and crannies of walls, furniture and other „stuff“ that surrounds us every day?
Your home wants you to listen to its story. Every story has a deeper message of some sort. Your home’s message always interacts with your own. It may surprise you, challenge or support you and help you grow. Knowing your home’s story may explain certain occurrences in your life. Knowing about the past can help create the present and future – so you are able to live to the best of your life.
Questions to Ask
Storytelling starts with a prologue. What was before you? What was your starting point in that home?
- Did you inherit your home?
- Did you plan or build it yourself?
- Did you move into an existing space that your partner once shared with someone else?
- Was there anything given up or sacrificed in order to create the space you call home?
Your Home’s Story and How You Relate to It
Just as we fill our home with our own story, our home’s story will mix and mingle with us. When energies of places and people meet, a chemical reaction takes place. Transformation happens.
Some homes come with a well known story. But many times, we know little about the origins of the place. Why is it worth putting in a bit of effort to find out? Because the history of your home can be compared to the roots of a tree. It is the foundation for those who live there.
What goes around comes around. A house whose first owners were „happy ever after“ will probably provide fruitful energy for other relationships to blossom in this place.
Just as good deeds will pay off one day, bad deeds or unfortunate circumstances will leave their traces. A house with a broken heart needs healing before peace can enter. A traumatic history may be compared to a weakened root system: It provides potential challenges for future generations. Just like a relationship which is built on lies, a house with an ill-constructed foundation may continue to show cracks in floors and walls (and relationships) and always need „high maintenance.“
Here are 2 true stories:
Rebecca and the Hotel-Turned-Medical-Office
Rebecca’s hard working parents owned a flourishing hotel in the countryside. Their restaurant had a stand-alone position in the area and was highly appreciated. On Sundays, they were always sold out, with guests from near and far. Little Rebecca and her sisters worked in the family business from early childhood on, contributing to the growing wealth of the family.
Reaching adulthood, the sisters weren’t interested in keeping the labor and time-intense hotel business. They chose different careers and moved to the city. Then, the parents passed away. Rebecca had just finished her training as a primary care physician. She and her husband decided to move back to Rebecca’s home village. Much to the grief of former guests, they closed the hotel and restaurant. They redesigned the building to meet the needs of a family home. They also incorporated a generous office space for Rebecca to see clients.
Thus, hard working Rebecca saved travel time and saw her own children grow up and flourish while her medical office became a big success: From day one, patients from near and far lined up to see Rebecca, providing a cosy and safe financial foundation for the family of four.
It could have turned out differently. The medical office could have failed to attract enough clients. But in this case, it seems that the full package: the energy of excellent service, an impeccable reputation and a powerful social network plus financial affluence had come with the place – no matter its purpose.
Ella and the Tricky Landlord
The ease with which Ella found her rental apartment made clear that they were meant for each other. Built in the 1870s and placed in a good neighborhood in the city of Vienna, it provided plenty of space and high ceilings. Just what Ella loved.
Soon after moving in, the landlord tried a trick to change existing rental agreements. Ella and a group of neighbours would have to either pay above market value, move out or settle the case in court. After 5 years of painful legal procedures, a judge decided against the landlord. He had to sell the house.
Years passed. One day, Ella learned that back in the 1930s, a Jewish family had been brutally evicted from one of the apartments in her building. Their home was handed over to a non-Jewish family. Ella was aware about the expropriation, deportation and murdering of Jewish citizens during the Nazi regime – but she was shocked that this had also happened in „her“ building. She realized that, back in the 1930s and 40s, there had been several cases of evictions in her neighbourhood.
She suspected that her apartment may also have undergone such criminal change of ownership, long before she was born. Records were missing, so research showed no evidence. Then, in a dream, Ella was shown a Menorah, the seven-branched Jewish candelabrum, hidden behind the wooden panels of her apartment’s west window. In the dream, she was given the message that someone who had once lived in her place had moved to a country „in the west.“
Does Ella’s example show that past injustice may be corrected by a next generation?
Who knows? My clients’ many different „home stories“ have shown me this: When respect, attention to detail, firm will and a little bit of good luck, you can fill a place with positive energy. Even a problematic building history can be reconciled by a new generation of inhabitants.
I have come to believe that places call us in – either to be healed by us or to heal us.
How Can Healing Happen?
Healing starts by honestly acknowledging what happened, no matter how long ago.
This is Ella’s solution: She gave thanks to the unknown previous inhabitants. She regularly lights candles to honor and bless them. Though not Jewish herself, she hung a Mezuzah (a small case with a blessing) next to her door. Ella has a challenging family history herself and feels that she has „arrived“ in a place that takes good care of her. So she continues to take good care of her place.
Be a Witness to the Story
As soon as we learn about problematic circumstances, we turn into witnesses of trauma. That, in itself, as we know from trauma therapy, supports the process of healing. It is now up to us to honor past pain and difficulties. But it is also vital to acknowledge and honor the gain: That which was saved and had a chance to blossom in a different way. Always focus on the blossoming.
Honor the people whose space you have the privilege to live in today. A good way to start is a ritual that needs no religious label whatsoever: Simply light a candle, bring in fresh flowers, say thanks, wish for healing and peace to all involved in the story.
Your Own Story
The home of a person is an open book. Psychological studies have shown that a stranger – without knowing you – would quite precisely be able to describe your character, your personal inclinations and most probably your profession simply by looking around your home.
Are you experienced in „reading“ yourself inside your home? Or are you blind-sided – which is understandable when living in a place for a long time.
It helps to refresh your perspective from time to time. Changing seasonal decorations is always an opportunity to analyze a given setting.
- Is it time to exchange your son’s baby photos for his new family picture? After all, he’s turned 35 this year.
- Does your home decor speak of the person that you are TODAY, not 30 years ago?
- Are you surrounded by colours that highlight the best in you with your white hair and aged complexion?
- What story do the knick-knacks on your book shelf tell about you?
Love it, change it or leave it. This principle applies to careers and „stuff“ alike. Just like our dead skin cells fall to the ground on every single day, we may surround ourselves with stuff that has lost its meaning. This is the stuff we should let go. One person’s clutter is another person’s treasure. It’s all relative.
We live in times of downsizing and minimalism. Decluttering has become the new religion of a society in which a single person owns way too much to have the slightest overview of all her belongings – not to speak of multiple persons and households and all their combined „stuff.“
As we grow in years, downsizing gets more relevant, if only for the sake of being able to keep our home clean and in order. Moving beyond our 50s and 60s, we can best review the life lived so far and create a personal outlook on what we still wish to experience, accomplish or simply enjoy.
Is „Stuff“ Bad? Is Stuff „Clutter“?
It depends on how it serves you. Does your stuff celebrate the person that you are today? Or is it mostly about past glory, or your children’s achievements? What story does your home tell about you? Is it a story of meaning? A story of a „life well lived“ – or a challenged one? A story that nurtures you and makes you at peace with what is?
If in doubt, get inspired with:
- Second Chances for Your Best First Impression at Home: 13 Ideas to Boost Your Self-Confidence
- Want to Feel Like a Queen in Your Home? 3 Empowering Tips
- 7 Easy-To-Implement Hacks to Reset and Refresh Your Life at Home
Let Us Have a Conversation:
Does your home speak mostly of the glorious past you had? Or does it proudly represent the person that you are today? Does it leave space for more wonderful things and stories to happen? What is the story your home is telling you and everyone who visits? Share your story.
Tags Downsizing Your Life
My home half reflected the previous owner. I say half because the
upstairs reflects me. I did my renovating in halves. Upstairs done first then too many years later, I finally got the downstairs renovated, just recently.
I still need furniture downstairs but I am taking my time in purchasing it. So much of my procrastination was in deciding whether or not I was staying in my home for the next 5-10 years. Once I made that decision, I acted towards the renovation. When I come home now, I think, this is mine instead of belonging to someone else.
Painting made all the difference in brightening my home. I get to have fun in decorating and putting my own stamp. For me, I like soft comforting things,
furniture that provides storage as well as being sturdy. I have a vision that I look forward to making a reality. My home is my sanctuary.
A thoughtful article. An article I needed to read. My house had to be torn down after flooding during Hurricane Ian. I relocated and bought a house. Simply put, it is a house I could move into and do absolutely nothing to it. It’s not me. I don’t know how to make it mine. My former life remains packed in the garage. It doesn’t seem to have a place here. I’ve moved many times. I’ve always been able to make a house a home, Not now. It’s a lonely feeling for a house that isn’t loved and the owner who doesn’t feel at home.
Thanks for sharing your traumatic loss: A home taken from you by forces beyond your control. It takes a lot of strength to deal with that.
Losing control can feel life threatening and paralyzing.
You haven’t asked for advice but may I share these thoughts with you: You write that you have always been able to make a place „home“ for you. This sounds like: You were in control, you had the strength, creativity, opportunity and means to make a place home. You write that, with your new home you „could move into and do absolutely nothing to it“. Sounds like a change of paradigm. A place that does not need you to step into action. You made the decision to buy it. Do you trust your decisions? Is it too easy a home? Is it just not home? Or not the right (re)location?
If I were you, I’d ask: Has my soul recovered yet? Is there unfinished business? Have I closed the old door before I stepped out into the new? If I am still mourning the loss of the old partner, how can I truly „see“ the new, even if it might turn out better than the old one?
Pain wants to be seen and acknowledged. Only then can things fall into place. „The wound is where the light enters“, said the Persian poet Rumi.
If my „former life remained unpackaged in the garage“, I’d ask: In what ways DO I currently feel alive? Where is „home“ inside of ME? WHO is home for me? What is a resource for me? What tools do I need to „unpackage“ and access my life? What am I waiting for? Do I simply need more time? What nurtures and comforts me and makes me feel good about me – right now?
My best wishes for you that you will find „home“.
Simply put, this article really set me thinking about the story my house may be telling about me, in a whole new way. I intend reading it a few more times and make some changes to my home, thereafter. I am definitely going to perform the simple ” Thank you” ritual. Thank you Beate, for this🙏
Thank you so much for your comment. I am glad that you feel inspired. The start of a new year provides such powerful energy to make positive changes. I wish you the best!
I lived in a house in London for 15 years that wasn’t a happy one. We found out a while after we bought it that it had a chequered history – a couple who were given it as a wedding gift split up and divorced when the husband was found to be in a relationship with another man.
The next family who owned it caused a lot of problems with shoddy interior renovations and the couple we bought it from had ended up in serious debt. They also left us all their broken junk in the attic!
The first 2 or 3 years were ok, then the nice neighbours on either side moved away due to being elderly. The next set of neighbours were younger than us and antisocial which caused a lot of problems with loud arguments and domestic violence on one side of us, barking dogs, arguments and screaming kids on the other side. There were also now parking issues. We couldn’t just sell up and go as the property market in London crashed 5 years after we moved in.
In Christmas 2000 we went on holiday and came back to a wrecked house as a pipe had burst in the attic. We lost 80% of what we owned and had to move to a hotel then temporary accommodation for months. What it taught us was we had collected too much “stuff” over the years that we should have got rid of. Sorting through all these wet things for the insurance claim was sound destroying, it took me about 2 weeks.
Now I get rid of things regularly if they are not being used. I am only too happy to donate them to charity to raise money and so others can have the benefit of them. I like giving things to charities who assist former homeless people to make a comfortable and cosy surrounding for themselves after existing on the streets or in shelters.
Wow, Linda, WHAT A STORY! After all that you must have been through, it seems that you have taken on the task, rolled up your sleeves, used all your resilience, did what needed to be done, and moved on. What an impressive story of loss and gain. And: What an attitude. You sound as if you have found peace of mind – and peace of home as well. I am impressed by how your painful home story made you turn into a benefactor of people who have no homes themselves. That’s what I call a Happy End. How inspiring. Thanks a million for sharing.
Yeah my house has a good history. It was built in 1954 and the builder lived in it until 2010 until he was 99. We are only the second owners! It has a good vibe. My darling 19yo son has been at university for a year and now I feel it’s time to empty out those cupboards of unneeded stuff. I’m not a clutterer as you can see from this photo. But I no longer need 3x sets of single sheets etc…
What a beautiful space, open and comfy at the same time. Thanks for sharing, Ingrid.