Needing a Virtual Hug in My 60s
Here I sit, tucked away in a quiet, distant corner of Orlando airport, waiting to board a flight to London, ready to start my new life: yet again. My emotional swings have been crazy today; I awakened full of beans, excited, optimistic for my new chapter to begin, absolutely convinced that the shock waves of my divorce two years ago were finally behind me, and the ripple effect of extreme highs and crushing lows was now firmly in the rear view mirror.
But no, it took just a momentary peek in the mirror to deflate my new found confidence. I see a woman of 64 who has been living overseas for most of her adult years, and is embarking upon a self-imposed new life back home in Blighty, and it’s daunting.
I’m a little scared.
My life has been a rollercoaster for the past 30 months, since that awful day we mutually agreed it was time to go our separate ways. We had become one of those dreaded statistics of husband and wife living separate lives and simply drifting apart. I knew it was the right decision, but I’ve been adrift ever since, searching for my equilibrium, and I still haven’t found it.
Following My Heart
So, I made a very important decision. I realized that I must go back to the fold of my nurturing lifelong friends, the very small remaining family I have left, the country that holds the key to my soul, and the good memories and nostalgia that I crave.
I must get on this flight today and be courageous, otherwise I am in danger of spiraling into overwhelming sadness that I may find it too hard to climb back from. I must put my two feet firmly on English soil, and find the old me, the me that was always full of joie de vivre, the life and soul of the party, the gregarious version.
It’s imperative that I find the old Wendy before the new empty, unfulfilled Wendy gets a vine like grip, and won’t let go.
It’s been too long since I was hugged, since I made a man’s eyes light up when I walked into the room, since I received a bunch of beautiful flowers, since I didn’t have to be brave and make all the decisions on my own all of the time. It’s simply been too long.
And I wonder how many of you have experienced this? It is not so easy to share our sorrow and our insecurities, is it?
I did not envision, and certainly did not want to be facing the world in my seventh decade as a newly single woman. I practice an Attitude of Gratitude every day, because there are too many wonderful events that have graced my life, and most importantly, I am super healthy. I don’t want to portray a woman steeped in gloom, because I am not.
There is just a void in my life, and I can’t seem to find my way to fill it. Yet I am optimistic that this latest huge life change will nourish my soul.
Pursuing My Solution
I’m keen to share my journey with you ladies in the coming months if I may, as I negotiate my new life back in the UK. There will inevitably be down times, amazing new experiences, laughter, tears, and lots of cuddles with my two new cats that I have been manifesting for many months now. I can’t wait for cat purrs, and fishy kisses!
I would be thrilled to have you connect with me in the comments, if you so wish, or follow me from afar if you so desire. May I ask you for a virtual hug or to virtually hold my hand every once in a while? It would mean the world to me, and I would be happy to reciprocate. Certainly, I have learned that bottling up such raw emotion is detrimental: sharing is cathartic.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you had life-altering experiences that you may like to share? Maybe you are currently facing your own set of unique challenges? Do you think divorce in earlier years is easier to move on from than gray divorce?
Tags Finding Happiness
Virtual hug coming your way, now send one back!
I have been separated for four months, but it’s a long time coming. We were married 30 yrs. The past two years my husband has been verbally and emotionally abusive. He was diagnosed with ALS slow progression seven years ago, and it still not come to terms with it even though he’s in a better position than so many others, who get diagnosed and die within a year or two, but also, his mind has been going as well, as he has frontal lobe dementia, and the abuse has come from, this happening as he was the love of my life for 25 years but he’s become somebody completely different in his behavior and emotions.
I never thought I’d be here as like I said he was my soulmate.
Now he’s he has treated me the worse than I’ve ever been treated in my life. It’s been so much better since he’s not living with me anymore but now he is fighting me for money and for me to sell the house. We had a trust and this was not the way we had decided to go, but he is angry and vindictive.
I do not want to be alone I love having a partner, and I’m grieving the loss of the man I married while he is still alive. He is a monster to me right now.
At 63. It is very difficult to think about somebody wanting me, I am working on my self-esteem, as it’s in the garbage at this point. I know it’ll take time, but being my age how much time do I really have to try to have a relationship with someone who will care about me?
Very depressing, but I still have a full life and I’m better off than I was before he left.
I am definitely not into online dating, but it’s so difficult to meet someone organically these days. I feel very deflated that I won’t meet anyone, especially someone who my husband’s husband used to be like.
Dear Stephanie, you have no idea how many parallels run between us. For that alone I send bundles of virtual hugs. Keep following me as you will learn more :)
Hey Stephanie! Sending you a virtual hug as you try and close a chapter of your life. It’s tough and it’s hard if your husband isn’t who he is anymore. My husband changed too during our 41 years of marriage and my children saw who he really had become. I was the blind one, trying to protect and make excuses for him:( Hang in there and don’t rush into anything until you take care of yourself first!!!
It’s never too late to go back home! Big hugs for you and please keep us all posted on this new chapter of your life!
Dear Jenifer, thank you for the hugs and good wishes.
I hope all works out for you. I’m sure your old friends and family will happily welcome you back into the bosom of their lives. You may find your place in it a little different than in the past of course, so you’ll have to expect that.
I may or may not end up in your shoes before too long. My spouse of 30 years and I are negotiating a change in our relationship and don’t know what will be. For the month of August, at least, he’ll be visiting his home country and doing some soul searching. When he returns…? And of course I’ll continue to do that here.
I’d love to follow your progress!
Dear Ava, my heart goes out to you. I found it such a relief once the decision was made …. The time leading up was the most difficult. Hugs :)
Your persona as a world traveler, sophisticated woman of means, going back to her roots seems at odds with the angst you feel over your divorce. You’ll be fine. No need to be overdramatic about it. By our sixties all of us have suffered many losses. Meditation may help you to look within rather than without for validation.
Dear Beth, thank you for your insight, and I too am perplexed that I still have feelings of overwhelming sadness after all this time. I am not seeking validation, but I do appreciate your point of view.
I’m 63 years old and am divorcing my husband of 36 years. The last 10 years of my marriage were very difficult. My parents have passed, my daughter is married and lives an hour away with her husband and two beautiful children. It’s a weird time of life. I’m sad, lonely, and wondering what is next for me but at the same time I’m at peace, I have moments of happiness and even excitement and I’m discovering who I am which is so weird. I always thought I would be me but I’m not me anymore. I don’t know who I am or who I will become. I never expected all this upheaval in this late stage of my life. There are a lot of us out there-in our sixties and beyond, divorcing after many years of marriage knowing our marriages didn’t work anymore, divorcing with much pain and uncertainty for our future. It’s good to know, I am not alone. It’s good to hear from people who have made it over the bridge to the other side to happiness
Thank you
Lisa
Dear Lisa, you are most certainly not on your own, and it’s been a bumpy ride thus far, but it’s getting easier by the week. Hugs to you :)
We are not alone if we choose not to be. There are many of us traveling on this path. I am here for you! Sending you a virtual hug!