There’s a rumor circulating that after a certain age women disappear. Not literally, of course, but for all practical purposes many older women feel overlooked, dismissed and ignored. Curiosity drove me to investigate why some of us fade out while others continue to be noticed.
But before I divulge the secrets to banishing the cloak of invisibility forever, I think it’s important to validate what happens to women as we leave menopause behind.
First of all, everything changes. Our metabolism slows. Sexy curves redistribute. The waist thickens, the butt flattens, and the breasts sag. Simultaneously our once tight skin develops the elasticity of an old bra strap, and our thinning hair goes gray.
Nobody can really prepare for these changes and when they come, depression often comes too. Low-grade, nagging unhappiness weakens our immune system. Health deteriorates, and the earmarks of aging: pill boxes, supplements, and laxative milk shakes, are our new companions.
Mentally, our focus shifts from outer interests to an unhealthy obsession with the latest trip to the doctor, what medications we’re taking, and the procedures that might be required. We’re eager to acquaint anyone who will listen with a detailed litany of our maladies, real or imagined. Fascinating stuff, right? Wait. There’s more.
Accompanying the fixation on body betrayal, the way we carry ourselves morphs. A slower gait develops with no spring in our step. Shoulders hunch forward, the back curves, the stomach pooches and frown lines wrinkle the face.
That’s a portrait of the woman who disappears. Why?
Because somewhere in the deep recesses of the brain everyone knows that they, too, will get old, and they’re terrified. So, it’s easier not to look at the mature shopper shuffling through the grocery aisles, leaning on the cart, with a mouth drooping downward at the corners. It reminds the younger set of its own mortality.
And those same Gen-X, Gen-Y, and Millennial people don’t engage the blue-haired neighbor down the hall because they might be roped into listening to her medical history before she even knows their names. I wish I were exaggerating.
The sad truth is that we’ve largely done it to ourselves. The cloak of invisibility is the dubious reward for small choices along the way that changed us from interesting “outties” to self-absorbed “innies.”
But you can turn this around. Here are the secrets told to me by older women who claim they have never been overlooked for a single moment of their lives.
Fill your lungs with air, lift your chin, throw your shoulders back, and sit and stand tall. Good posture shaves off 30 pounds and 20 years.
Walk like you’re going somewhere. Talk like you know what’s happening in the world. Ask questions like you’re interested in someone other than yourself.
Look in the mirror and practice a pleasant face. An impish smile that says, “I know the secret to long life and happiness and if you’re very, very good I just might share it with you!” is practically irresistible.
That’s it. Really. My saucy sources guarantee if you make those simple adjustments that cost nothing, you will not go unnoticed. People will seek you out. But be careful. I tried it and their prescription has serious side effects. You’ll immediately look and feel younger, and over time this behavior could make you a healthier, happier person.
Do you sometimes feel invisible and ignored in today’s world? What techniques do you use to remove that invisibility cloak and look and feel younger and more vibrant? Do you agree with these secrets to avoid feeling overlooked? Share your comments – and secrets – in the comments.
Tags Reinventing Yourself
Love this article! The power of positivity!!
I recently retired after 37 years in Real Estate. Lost 20 lbs and became a Personal Trainer for women over 50 in London, Ontario. Remember that today is just the beginning.
When I started reading this article, I was disagreeing with it, because although I am turning 76 tomorrow, I have and do none of those things. However, when I got to the list of “secrets”, I was happy to see that I have been employing them all along. Following this advice really does make a difference to yourself and those around you.
I’m glad you found that you could, after all, relate.
I did a Creative Writing Masters degree during the pandemic when I was 62 and found the experience uplifting and life affirming even though a lot of it took place on zoom. It’s something I’d always wanted to do but life and raising a family got in the way. Everyone said I was ‘brave’ because my cohort were mainly in their 20s and 30s. I didn’t see it like that. Life is a continuum and you can do whatever you like at any age, you just have to put away those preconceptions. I made new friends who were so supportive and it helped me to consolidate my personal and professional experience. Our past and present are enmeshed; it’s important not to abandon the dreams of your younger self and let fear take over!
Well said! You are absolutely right, never let fear rob us of our dreams!