5 Not-So-Easy Ways to Navigate Around a Narcissist
Most of us have encountered a true narcissist sometime in our lives. If we admit it, we have come across multiple people with this challenging personality disorder at various times in our life. First off, I am not a professional therapist and cannot diagnose NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and I think that many people throw around that word to describe selfish people when it is not truly NPD. I have also conducted a TON of research on the topic and can talk intelligently about it.
It is a challenging journey to navigate around a narcissist, yet it is a necessary step towards reclaiming your emotional autonomy. Let’s face it: those of us in our 60s and beyond have weathered the storms of relationships, whether married or single, and many of us have broken free from the grasp of a narcissist.
Of course, not everyone chooses to escape the grips of a narcissist for assorted reasons – some choose to stay and manage themselves within the confines of a narcissistic relationship. Most of the “reasons” I have heard center around needing insurance or other monetary security, or simply because they do not want to rock the boat or because they’d rather live with a narcissist than be alone.
This article unveils five proven – yet not-so-easy – ways to successfully navigate the challenges if you find yourself entangled with a narcissist.
#1: Use Self-Reflection and Awareness
Picture yourself as a quilt master, unraveling the subtle threads of manipulation and control woven into the fabric of your relationship with the narcissist. It is essential to scrutinize the intricate details of your interactions and reactions.
Inspect the back threads of why you react to their discounting and discarding. The major key in a relationship with any narcissist is not to react at all as that is rocket fuel for their soul. As you peel back the layers, a heightened awareness will emerge, providing the clarity needed to dismantle the narcissist’s influence.
#2: Set Boundaries
Narcissists do not like boundaries. However, they do respond to “IF statements.” For example, you can say, “If you choose to continue to ogle women, you’re telling me that you’re choosing to have me exit the room.” Or “If you choose to criticize everything I cook, then I will stop cooking for you.”
Imagine boundaries as a protective fortress surrounding your emotional landscape. Erecting this fortress involves not only understanding the limits of what you will tolerate but also fortifying them with assertive communication. You must choose to deny the narcissist access to the inner sanctums of your well-being.
#3: Cultivate Your Inner Strength
Think of inner strength as a blossoming garden within you, vibrant, colorful, and beautiful. Nurture this garden through acts of self-care and personal growth. Envision yourself tending to the delicate flowers of your passions and interests and not being consumed with pleasing the narcissist.
Hey, I know they retaliate when they do not get their way, but as you cultivate the soil of your inner strength, the roots of your resilience will deepen, anchoring you against the storms unleashed by the narcissist.
#4: Seek Professional Support
There is no shame in enlisting the help of a therapist to help guide you through the treacherous emotional waters of living with a narcissist. Since they devalue you in every area they can think of, you often find yourself thinking you are the one who is in error all the time, or that you are crazy or delusional because they cause you to doubt your own reality.
In fact, a narcissist will purposely place you in situations where they know you will fail as they find a sick pleasure in watching you fall short. They must be king/queen of the hill! They believe they are superior.
With this in mind, seeking and receiving expert guidance will guide you toward a safe emotional harbor as you share your experiences. Seeking professional support is not a sign of weakness but a courageous acknowledgment of your need for a compassionate ally on your journey to healing.
#5: Gradual Disengagement
Whether you choose to stay or flee, you can disengage emotionally from a narcissist. Visualize detachment as a delicate dance, a strategic choreography of steps leading away from the narcissist. Picture yourself gracefully disentangling from the emotional web, taking measured strides towards your personal freedom, gradually reclaiming control over your emotions and destiny.
One of the most dramatic ways to detach from a narcissist is to go no contact: block them from your phone, your social media accounts, and email. However, they know where you live and can find you if they want to.
Sometimes you can choose to simply not be available. You are busy… super busy… and cannot take time to engage with them. Or you could just tell them to buzz off… like forever, but just know that a narcissist will take that as a challenge because they think they will always have power over you.
As you embark on the odyssey of either navigating around a narcissist or completely removing yourself from their world, remember that each step is a victory in reclaiming your heart, your autonomy, and rediscovering the joys that you put aside to cater to their needs, which they believe are of the utmost importance and value.
You ARE worth it, so I urge you ladies to walk in your worth!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you had a relationship with a narcissist? If so, did you learn to navigate around it or did you run for the hills? Do you think that once you know the characteristics of a narcissistic personality it is easier to spot going forward?
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I remarried after being a widow for 7 years. After about 2 years, his true personality started seeping out. This personality change had devastating affects on my life and our marriage. I ended up seeing a therapist because I could not understand what I was doing wrong. The therapist casually mentioned I might be dealing with a Narcissist. I knew nothing about Narcissistic personalities but quickly educated myself. The more I read, the more I felt like I was reading about my life and my marriage. I actually collapsed crying when I realized what was actually going on in my marriage to this person. At first I thought I could handle it – after all, I made a commitment in my marriage. I tried everything that was suggested and I mean everything! I became well versed in all the terms. I became an expert in stonewalling and avoidance. The gaslighting, accusations, and denials were never ending. It was overwhelming physically and emotionally. This was a very sad, eye opening and frustrating experience. I ultimately accepted the fact that the only way to end the madness was to get out of this relationship. I had to remove this narcissist from life – total disengagement! It was hard as narcissists live in total denial. It took me 3 years to physically get him out of my house and out of my life. I didn’t realize how truly stressful and upsetting my life had become until he was actually gone. On the day of his move out I could actually feel weight and pressure leaving my body as each box and piece of furniture left the house. Life is now wonderful, positive and loving. I am enjoying my life. I have no regrets with my decision. My heart is healing from this tremendous assault. My self-esteem improves each and every day. After this experience, I believe narcissistic characteristics will be easier to spot. My advice – RUN. Run as fast and as far as you can!
Lauren, it takes a lot of courage to do what you did…LEAVE the narcissist! You’re correct in that you become an expert so-to-speak of the terms and tactics and yes, you do feel the weight of “abuse” move out of your body as you disengage with a narcissist.
Good for you! And I trust you have forgiven him so you can truly and fully move ahead with your new life. I applaud you for your strength!
Thank you – It did take a lot of courage and strength. Forgiveness is definitely key. Its the only way to move forward and get on with your life. I am stronger, healthier and more confident. Its a great feeling!
My daughter is a narcissist. it us very difficult being her mother, and i wont do the no contact, so ive chosen to limit the amount of time i spend visiting her house. and ive chosen to now take my grandson over to my house or for outings, instead of staying there. Christmas was hard but i got through it by keeping my mouth shut, good article, but the issue itself is sooo deep that an article can’t really explain the situation!
Recently, at 30 years of age my daughter was diagnosed as being a high functioning autistic who was masking her personnality so well, no one saw it. That’s when the light bulb went on. The more I read about autism, the more I came to understand my husband’s narcissistic behavior (and also his mother’s) was probably due to the same kind of undiagnosed personality trait. Fortunately, he was never very controlling and I was financially independant, so we managed to live together in relative harmony to this day, but I wish I had known the diagnosis before in order to navigate thie one better throughout our relationship. My daughter, after a series of bad decisions which ultimately led to asking her to leave our home will always struggle with this. It is very difficult to be compassionate with narcissist. We are fortunately not estranged and we continue to help her in some respects but I realized the importance of setting boundaries.
I’m not sure if she’s got true NPD, but my “narcissist” is my 85 year old mother. I could disengage, but I am her only child and I just don’t have it in me to do that. So, I have gone to counseling and I am setting boundaries. It’s all doable but it’s real mindset work. It’s not always someone who you can “divorce.”
I am in the process of divorce because I am unable to handle the abuse. I have been in a relationship with him for 10 years and the first 3 were dating years then we married and the monster arrived. I believed I had to stay because we married in the Cathedral and by a Monsignor. I do believe God loves us all and along with that love he wants us all to feel safe in that love and live happy, fulfilled lives. That is what I am doing now and the very reason for divorce. I know I deserve better.