Finding love after 50 is tough. That’s the conclusion that I have come to after talking with several senior dating experts, as well as, the women in our community. Part of the problem is that, while the dating game has changed, our expectations haven’t.

Do You Remember Your First Love?

Like most women, I remember my first love as if it were yesterday. I won’t bore you with the details, but, let’s just say that I thought that I had found my soulmate. I couldn’t imagine life without this young man in it and my teenage imagination swept forward into our beautiful future together with wonderful, reckless abandon. Did you experience something similar?

Has Your Perspective on Love Changed Over the Years?

As I talk to other men and women in the community, it occurs to me that many of us have not changed our definition of love since we were in our teens and 20s. We still expect to find “chemistry” on dates. Many women still want the man to make the first move and ask them out. Many of us are looking for a “soulmate” to spend the rest of our lives with.

On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with having high expectations when it comes to love after 50. I know many people who would rather stay single than pair up with someone who isn’t perfect. That’s all well and good, but, I also wonder if there are people who could find genuine happiness in a relationship if they would change their frame.

In our younger years, we spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out what we wanted in a partner. Many of us wrote actual lists of traits that we were looking for. Maybe it’s time for each of us to make a new list. When we do, perhaps we will discover that our priorities really have changed over the years.

Are Older Men and Older Women Focusing on the Wrong Things?

Through this process, I suspect that many men will discover that their desire for youth and flawless skin is less important than finding someone who knows who they are and has perspective and genuine insights to share. Likewise, I predict that many women will discover that their desire to find a “provider” is less important now that they have achieved independence in their own lives.

Obviously, there is no “right” answer here. What each of us wants in a partner is entirely personal. I’m simply suggesting that each of us take a second look and check whether the priorities of our past are compatible with our present emotional needs.

What are your thoughts on this? Has your perspective on concepts like “love” and “soulmates” changed over the years? If so how? Do you think that love after 50 is different than love in different stages of our lives? Please join the discussion.