I woke up this morning thinking about relationships – the ebb and flow, but also, how much I appreciate the changes from dating in our 20s to the realities of dating in our 60s. As a dating coach, I am grateful we are in the 2020s vs. the 1990s. Our pool of men, thanks to the invention of Google, followed by dating sites, has embraced our age group and made healthy dating and relationships a reality.

We all have felt that lightning bolt – that fast attraction that we hope won’t burn out fast. Or perhaps it was a slow burn that finally erupted into a major relationship. So, while the majority of the time I focus on dating, today I’d like to talk about how to keep the flames lit. I think the tips I’m going to share could be useful in any type of relationship, including dating.

Realize That You Won’t Find Love When You’re Not Looking for It

This reminds me of my mom after my broken engagement in my 20s when she told me just to pray, and a good man would appear. Or she’d pray for me.

Wrong. Inertia gets you nowhere! From being in the dating business for over 25 years, the only time I know of when a single woman met someone while sitting at home was a client who had a kitchen fire… and yes, met the fireman.

We don’t live in Hallmark movies, and it takes effort and fortitude. You must put the effort in – whether you are 50 or 70.

Go Where People Do the Same Things That You Like

I had a client determined to meet/date/get married over a six-month period. She’d had a wonderful relationship for 37 years and had been widowed for five years. Trina (name is changed) decided golf was her best option.

Guess what? Not only did she dislike golf, she abhorred every sport. But she decided that was where the men were. Two months later, she called me seeking dating consulting help. After she told me about her miserable foray into golf (she could not stand the golf attire and the sport), she retired from golfing.

Trina is a multi-media artist, loves fashion, paints, sculpts and has absolutely no sports coordination. So, how did I help? Well, beside the obvious (writing her profile, getting her on the right dating site, etc. etc.), I found a meet-up group for artists. Yes, you read that right.

It was full of artists taking a 6-week class with a renowned Murano glass blower, and Trina finally was with “her people.” She was happy… and happy people find relationships! Now, I can’t say she’s married yet, but she is in a relationship with a violinist she met there.

Happy People Meet People… Easily

Amen to this. So true. It’s easy for me to help a 74-year-old sunny female to get 3 dates per week while another (beautiful) 45-year-old with a negative attitude would be wondering why she’s been dateless the past month.

Now, I’m not a psychologist – so if you have issues, got to the pros. If you’re fairly happy, come to me.

Caution with the “Opposites Attract” Concept

No doubt in some cases this is sound. It’s exciting to meet someone with new and different interests. But the core of a good strong relationship remains in three factors: communication, common values and chemistry. All three need to be present; otherwise this concept is a recipe for disaster.

Take Time to Be Alone

Do take time to be by yourself – it’s for your own good. Also, don’t ignore your family and friends. Yes, once in a relationship, your partner will have a place in your life, but you have your own identity and interests as well. This constantly reminds me of “that girl” we all knew in high school – after a two-year-boyfriend, the next week she has another. That’s insecurity, and it won’t work in a relationship!

If you are in a relationship, fantastic. If you are not and would like to be, I firmly believe we live in the best time with the most options to meet people outside of our normal social circle. Yes, it takes a bit of work, but so does everything worthwhile, yes?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What dating beliefs have turned out to be true in your life? Have you been attracted to someone of an opposite personality? How did that relationship turn out? Do you think you’d like to share the same interests with your partner? Why or why not?