Are You Considering Giving Up on Online Dating?
Are you ready to throw in the towel? Feeling frustrated and discouraged?
Well, hold your horses because there’s a little something you might have missed. Studies have shown that most people give up on online dating after just two attempts.
But let me ask you this, did you quit golf after two lessons? Did you toss out your tennis racquet? I didn’t think so!
Now, I’ve been in the dating game for over 25 years, helping people navigate the treacherous waters of love. I’ll even do six coaching calls with you. But let me tell you, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, my friend. Far from it!
Ready to Give Up Attitude
During my second coaching call, it usually goes a little something like this:
Me (all enthusiastic): So, how’s it going, Lara? (Lara, name changed, is a 63-year-old NYC Marketing executive client and just lovely.)
Lara (depressed): You know, Andrea, I hate this. I’ve looked at all the men, and they’re all awful. I think you’re great, but this just isn’t for me. The men who like me are atrocious. I’d rather be single forever.
Full stop. I listen. And let me tell you, it’s the same old story every time.
I work with some pretty smart people, but let’s face it, online dating is an art and a science. It works if you know what you’re doing. That’s why people like me exist! Sometimes, I think people expect magic. They think the first person they see online will be “the one.” Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s not how it works.
That’s why I’ve become a pro at using algorithms and search engines on the top dating sites and apps. I immediately weed out 90-95% of the candidates, leaving only the ones my clients are actually looking for.
Why It Isn’t Working
So, here are the five mistakes I see people making. Brace yourself, because things are about to get interesting:
- You sign up, take a quick look, and decide it’s not for you. Basically, you give up.
- You listen to horror stories from your negative friends.
- You choose the wrong dating app or site.
- You have no clue what you’re doing, and it’s overwhelming.
- You don’t have an expert helping you.
Things Can Improve with the Right Approach
Here we go with Lara on coaching call 3 (just one week later!):
Lara (cheerful – Thank God!): Andrea, I found 3 guys that I really like. One I spoke to, and we are meeting for a drink on Saturday afternoon. Ok, this guy Matt is awesome, but I’m not sure what to say back to him. Can you help me write a message?
Me (relieved and happy): Of course. Let’s go with this message: “Hey, Matt – thanks for the like. I cracked up at your dad Swiftie shirt with your daughter at the Taylor Swift concert – so cute! I bet that was your idea, right? Lol. Ok, I’m definitely interested (am a big tennis player too) – how about a coffee on Saturday at Sweet Eats? Lara”
40 minutes later Matt responds while we are still on the call. His response? “Sounds great. Does 11 am work for you? My cell is xxxx.”
Lara is happy. So, now I’m happy too.
How often does this happen? I’d say twice a day.
Nope, there’s nothing magical to it, but I know how to work the system. And, if you’ve decided to give up on dating, chances are you don’t know how to work the system.
Don’t Give Up
Instead of giving up, why not ask yourself:
- If you’ve tried online dating, were you 110% in? Or did you muster only a half-hearted effort?
- Were you scared off by friends? Are they in great relationships with people they met online?
- Do you think online dating is for losers? If so, try this thought, nearly 50% of adult women over 50 are single – and 25% of them are online dating or in a serious relationship they found online. I like those odds better than my friends’ attempts at fixing me up!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How has online dating gone for you? How many dates have you been on to date? Have you decided to give up altogether? What challenges are you ready to conquer to find love?
Tags Senior Dating Sites
I have that none of the tyie of men I’m interested in live close to me. The men that reach out are foreign or live hours away. And the men close to me are not my type.
Angela, the same here. Most men I find inviting, live at least an hour away. That leaves a burden on me if he travels to me. I do not want anyone that I don’t know well in my home! There are mostly day time dates as traveling an over an hour for a dinner and then traveling back is alot.
Any ideas for dating with this distance?
Meet somewhere in the middle at an event you’ll both enjoy. Meetup.com is a great place to find events and meet new friends. One hr is not a lot if you share the driving.
I’ve been on FB Dating. Several guys have responded. I’ve chatted daily with several. No dates yet. None are close, but I’ve deliberately chosen with two hours. I’m more than willing to travel. But, two are asking to be exclusive and they’ve not even met me. Are they fake?
They are probably scammers. A normal person doesnt ask you to be exclusive when he hasn’t met you yet.
Yep. Scammers usually have photographer like photos, are on assignment in the military or a contractor oversees, overly compliment, tell you their whole life story and want to know where you work, if you own yr home, how old yr kids are and more. Too much too soon. What man would go into all that without meeting you. My rule of thumb is if we are chatting everyday and he doesn’t offer his phone number in a week of daily chatting, that means he has other female options and I’m out. I end it. If the app allows it and I’m interested I ask them to do a video call with me on the app – I usually get dead silence or they oblige, they want to know if you’re not a scammer too.
Well spoken but sincerely love and trust bridge distance in any relationship, sometime those we want are not really the best for us and those that genuinely need you myth be far away or not of the same skin color or of thesame age but they will genuinely love you and if you can phantom a way to bridge the distance you will definitely smile at the end
Online dating has been an absolute nightmare for me. Seems things go well and then I get ghosted. It’s getting old and I’m tired of it.
Peter, please take this with a grain of salt. I see very little ghosting in the past two years–this was prevalent about 5 years ago—–There is something you are doing incorrectly if that is occurring. You might benefit from a 10-15 minute chat with me—I might be able to help. Thanks and enjoy your weekend—Andrea McGinty, Founder It’s Just Lunch and Founder 33000Dates.com
Nope Peter is right, there is a lot of ghosting going out there, esp if you’re meeting them online. People are just considering you an option and going on to the next person that captures their attention. All my single friends are experiencing that here and there.
Get a better filter. Text, speak live on the phone and start to ask questions, get a sense of who they are before you date. Ghosting is them not wanting to face you and give the reason they are out. I’ve been ghosted, I think bc most these days are lying ab wt they’re looking for or aren’t clear or have trauma wounds fr their ex. I just laugh and thank God he moved him out of the way quickly.
I am currently taking a break from the dating website thing because it’s all so frustrating. I think I have been on about 7 dates within the past couple of months and my last date was the straw that broke the camels back. He was a nice enough man but he was definitely in need of a good haircut and that’s okay sometimes men just need a little help from a women, styling hints. So the date started out great we preceded to share information and then pretty quickly I started to notice he spit when he was talking. Oh my gosh I started to try to not focus on his mouth but I could practically see the saliva forming, yuck. I am sorry I couldn’t get past this.
It becomes a “law of numbers”. The more men you “interview”, the better your chances of meeting someone who you want to spend time with. Hang in their ladies.
I gave up after years of online dating. Traded in match.com for adopt-a-pet and found the perfect dog. I was set. Weeks later I opened a leftover email from match and saw a darling man with blue eyes and a nice smile. We got married last April! Don’t give up.
I love this story!!!! I met my man on Match too—–stay away from e-Harmony—ugh!
If you don’t mind me asking, what is your issue with e-harmony?
Joyce—you have the right attitude! Go, Joyce! Warmly, Andrea
Right on the mark, Joyce!~