sixtyandme logo
We are community supported and may earn a commission when you buy through links on our site. Learn more

Gaslighting! Word of the Year but Nothing New

By Darlene Corbett December 13, 2022 Lifestyle

Gaslighting. What does the word evoke? I planned on writing an article about it, but Merriam-Webster beat me to it, crowning gaslighting as the word of the year.

Therapists have been familiar with gaslighting prior to its 2022 coronation, but before digging into the details, let’s talk about most Boomers’ first acquaintance with the term.

What Is Gaslighting?

A popular 1944 film, Gaslight, starred Ingrid Bergman, Joseph Cotton, and Charles Boyer. The movie contributed to using this label for not-so-uncommon psychological abuse.

Yes, gaslighting is abuse.

You can also view it as bullying, and all bullying’s harmful, but what makes it so egregious?

Corrosive manipulation.

The victim’s sense of self, judgement, and worse, mental health, suffers from pressuring and deception for the protection of another’s self, their family, their image, their money, and their reputation.

Greed, envy, jealousy, and exposure are some of the driving forces.

It occurs in families, groups, work settings, governments, and anything or anywhere threatening the status quo.

Bearing Witness to Gaslighting

Over the course of my professional career, I’ve encountered situations where clients endure gaslighting. This includes adolescent children, adult children, and other family members, when deviating from the clan’s norms.

Here are a few disguised examples:

Acting Out

About 30 years ago, I saw an adolescent because of their acting out behavior. The parents always attended the sessions, and based on their dress and behavior, I sensed something was off but couldn’t put my finger on it. Couples often display some congruency, but this was not the case here.

When the adolescent met with me, I suggested they share more about the situation in the home for me to assist them better. Much strife occurred between the couple, which included hints of infidelity and substance abuse. The adolescent became the confidante. I asked the adolescent about my sharing this with one parent. They agreed.

During my meeting with the parent, things didn’t go well. They dismissed their child’s concerns, claiming the issues were deeply exaggerated, and things with everyone other than the identified patient were fine. Thus, I never saw that young person again.

Depression

Within a year or two of that encounter, another individual sought my help. Depression ensued. This person and their spouse engaged in a nontraditional lifestyle, less common than now. Soon, this person revealed their childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a family member. When the individual divulged this to relatives, backlash and denial were severe.

They became a pariah, even by one sibling who suffered similar treatment. Again, denial and insinuations about the individual’s mental health ensued. The last I heard, the individual and their spouse removed themselves from further contact with their family of origin.

Crippling Anxiety

Fast forward years later, an individual came to see me, referred by a colleague who maintained their client suffered from crippling anxiety. After many sessions, I concluded things weren’t as they seemed. The anxiety seemed related to a situational matter disguised by another family member.

I encouraged the client to explore options to uncover the truth. They resisted at first, but soon discovered the reality of the genesis of their anxiety. I spoke to the lovely family therapist about the problem. They shared with me their suspicions. But the client and other members banished any concerns, focusing on the client’s overwhelming anxiety.

Not long after, the client removed themselves from the toxic relationships surrounding them, with their anxiety lifting.

The reason I share these examples?

Gaslighting Through the Ages on a Large and Small Scale

Many Boomers have been gaslighted. Some cases are easier for recovery than others. Put downs about one’s body or intelligence might be brushed off. Others, not so much. If it’s the latter, I hope you’ve explored ways to reverse those messages. For others, it’s never too late.

Also, as we age, senior moments abound. Please don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad. If it’s more serious, that’s a different topic. However, sometimes, dementia of a loved one lies in front of us, and if the issue is raised, it might be pooh-poohed. And this is another form of gaslighting.

How about on a larger scale? When you know something’s amiss but others double down, telling you how wrong you are or worse. They hurl insults, claiming you suffer from paranoia. Yes, gaslighting lurks everywhere, without speaking of paranoia, sounding paranoid.

What to do?

For embedded messages, please seek help from a professional.

And those that you can’t control, but you understand your sanity is challenged? Find well-balanced people who witnesses the emperor’s lack of clothing, regardless of others’ attempts to gaslight you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you know about gaslighting? Have you experienced it in your life? How have you dealt with this phenomenon? What has gaslighting cost you?

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

19 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Darlene

Thank you everyone for sharing. I appreciate the kind words, and for those who offer constructive criticism, as always, I’ll take the comments into account. I believe in lifelong learning, which includes lifelong improvement. I realize the last sentence would have been clearer if I chose “acknowledge” versus “witnessed.” Again, thank you and have lovely holidays.

With gratitude,

Darlene

Jen

I agree with Marlene, & find the way the article is written as unclear. It is full of relevant examples, but is poorly worded. This is unfortunate.
Gaslighting is a new-ish word, but has been occurring forever.
My ex-husband joked to his friends & work colleagues about me for years. They must have thought he was an idiot to have asked such a stupid woman to marry him. Unfortunately they never pointed this out to him. Then he would have looked like the idiot & I wonder what would have happened?
Be strong ladies, no female should be treated badly. Ever.

Stephanie Bryant

Husband had a neurological illness and he gaslights all the time, but doesn’t realize it and denies it. He has a cognitive impairment, will never see it. I am getting out!! I’m almost broken!

Last edited 1 year ago by Stephanie Bryant

The Author

Darlene Corbett views herself as a life-long learner, work-in-progress, bibliophile, and logophile. Darlene's primary roles are now Therapist, Hypnotherapist, and Author/Writer. At age 61, her first book on personal development was traditionally published. Her book, Visible Forever, will be published by WordCrafts Press in the spring of 2024.

You Might Also Like