Don’t Put Off Making the Hard Choices
We make choices. Thousands of them. Every day. Some are automatic. Others, we ponder. And a few, the hard choices, stop us in our tracks.
I’m Immortal, Okay? But…
This week I was faced with the task of filling out an Advanced Directive document. It’s the paperwork that lets others know how I want to die. Do I want to be resuscitated? Well… that depends… However, the questions do not include case scenarios. It’s just, do you want CPR? A feeding tube? Blood transfusions… yes, or no?
I’m an advocate of living life to the fullest and I have to admit, I did an initial read-through and was overwhelmed with a sense of dread. I don’t think about endings; I prefer the present. I stuck the offensive thing in a drawer. It was too depressing, too much to process. The next day, determined to get it over with, I tried again.
There Were So Many Decisions to Make
First, I could name one or two people who would make those end-of-life choices for me. Choose those people and, poof! Done. I’d never have to deal with it.
Or, option number two: fill out the answers to all those tough questions and be my own decision-maker.
Since there is no one in my life that I want to stick with the unsavory task of determining how I die, I remained true to my do-it-yourself nature and started imagining worst-case scenarios and how I’d like them handled.
It baffles me that in a reality where there are so many unknowns but death is a given, why we don’t pay more attention to it earlier on? It seems we just run ourselves right up to the finish line and, “Oh! Hello Death. Fancy meeting you here!” as though we’re surprised that at 95 years old, or 102, we might be nearing the end.
That’s a bit of an exaggeration. Forgive me. I’m 74 and I am just beginning to give bandwidth to the idea that I should do a bit of advanced planning, that perhaps my immortality has an expiration date.
It’s Interesting to Me How Differently We Approach These Final Decisions
Some care deeply about prolonging life in all possible ways and are particular about how their remains are handled post-mortem.
On the other hand, I continue to do what I want whether my aging body likes it or not. I do not want my life to continue if doing so would mean disabilities of any kind. If I cannot live with a fair amount of independence, I don’t want to live. Therefore, my answers landed in the do not resuscitate column. And once my life force has departed, science can do whatever it wants with my body. It’s no longer of use to me.
I Finished, Signed Off, and Breathed a Sigh of Relief
But the finality of death now haunts me, and I can’t help thinking about other choices I could be making. A Will might be a good idea, or a letter to my daughters outlining my wishes for the tangible goods I leave behind.
Gloomier possibilities exist. What do I want in the event of memory loss? What if I am not terminally ill, but have deteriorating abilities and need help? The what-ifs exist all through our lives. That’s what I mean about starting sooner to think things through and make decisions rather than leaving it all to the final chapter.
We don’t do that because youth is oblivious, and, like me, immortal. I’ve always chosen to gamble on good fortune, a somewhat risky mixture of optimism and denial. But a serious look at what might be ahead is overdue. It’s no longer a gamble, but a given: death is in the cards and I want to be prepared.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Are you prepared for things that are inevitable – such as death? How did you prepare? What decisions are the most difficult for you in the end-of-life planning? Do you prefer to leave your last hours/months/years up to someone else to decide?
Tags End of Life Planning
This is a great topic to deal with and then move on! Thank you!
Agreed!
Two weeks ago, bloodwork indicated that my chronic leukemia is progressing. I’ve decided that I don’t want to lose independence, function and my life savings to take drugs that may help treat but not cure. Then two days ago I was skiing a favorite black diamond run when I hit a patch of ice…I slid far considering the pitch and snow conditions. When I finally came to a stop, I noticed significant pain and lack of function in my downhill arm. It took 3 patrollers to hoist my 120-lb body onto the toboggan. At the ER the doctor determined I had a dislocated shoulder. I let that sink in while waiting for the morphine, then anesthesia to take effect. The thought of my season ending with about three weeks remaining was sobering…but the possibility of never skiing again was too difficult to contemplate at that time…between cancer and myriad physical injuries and conditions, I would prefer moving on to the next world than being broke from all the medical bills, and dependent on others. I’m back at work two days later and fighting to do as much as I can. But I’m ready to deal with the Advanced Directive and will. I’ve already signed on with MedCure to use my body. I want no heroics, no DNR…just a peaceful journey to the next chapter!
I’m so sorry. Those are very tough decisions. It sounds like you know what you want…a peaceful journey. Let it be so.
Great thoughts..i am a cancer survivor..now 15 years..for me let nature takes its cause..
Hopefully you will remain cancer-free!
As a now retired former Hospice and Palliative RN, I have seen families in agony and conflict trying to decide what their loved ones would have wanted when no further treatment to make them better was available or more treatment would substantially add to the persons suffering and not change the outcome. People think Doctors will tell them when further aggressive care is futile and even painful for the person. Some of them do but far too many do not and wait for the families to ask that aggressive treatment be stopped. Please please, everyone, educate yourselves on what ventilators, tube feedings, vasopressors and ICU stays mean, especially to those over 70 with chronic progressive illnesses. Then discern what is best for you, talk to your families, do the legal Directives, give copies to those who are decision makers and make sure they are in a place that they can be accessed and given to the hospital team. EVERYONE should do this. It is a gift of love to your loved ones.
Thank you for passionately encouraging us to do this. It will make the burden much lighter for those who remain.
It is important that emergency health care providers are able to locate the doc if you don’t already have it on file with the hospital that you may wind up in. It used to be that it was to be on top of the refer. I have it with a sticky on the side of the refer and a sticker on the front of the door of its location. I don’t want to go to the hospital. To make that happen it is a lot of steps and even those may not work. Somehow I think that they want you to think it is up to you. Often it is not.
Very good point, Marcia. Thank you.