How Is Dating a High-Quality Man Different in Your Feminine Energy
Life has been busy for me. I’m launching my new coaching program at Date Great Guys, my mom is moving into assisted living, and I met and am dating a super wonderful high-quality man who is so much fun to spend time with.
Let me tell you how this has all progressed. If you’re following me, you know that in January I met a man who was close to what I was looking for. He had some masculine energy, and took me to upscale restaurants, but he didn’t know how to present himself and talked about money all the time. In the end, he didn’t like my body type, so he was out.
In February I met another man who was even closer to who I’m looking for. Again, he had some masculine energy, wasn’t afraid to invest in an evening out, dressed better than January man and could adult well. But he didn’t want to talk on the phone EVER, unless I was dead on the highway. I really liked him but felt like something was off, so I’ve moved on.
Both these men took me to nicer places than I have been to in quite some time and treated me well in the moment. But they were missing that secret sauce for me that builds attraction over time.
And then we have March Man. All I can say is WOW. Yes, ladies there are still high-quality masculine energy men out there, and I’ve met one. He planned our first date close to my home, so I wouldn’t have to drive too far which I thought was super thoughtful. He’s smart, fun, not afraid to talk about feelings, adults well, and is definitely a take-charge alpha male.
He’s the type of man that can handle anything that life throws at him – even someone as scattered and silly as I can sometimes be and is a willing and able partner in driving this bus we call life.
So Why Do I Feel So Unsettled?
One of the interesting things I’ve learned about my feminine energy from dating this man is that it’s not always easy to lean back and receive graciously. Up until now, I haven’t had much practice, because most men lack masculine energy.
Graciously receiving isn’t as easy as you may think for smart, successful, independent women who are used to taking care of themselves and the world around them. I’m so accustomed to ‘doing’ that I’ve discovered that receiving is a skill that can be learned but that doesn’t always feel natural when you first start practicing it.
As an independent woman, I’m not used to men doing things for me to make my life easier. I’m not used to men putting my needs first. And I’m not used to men taking care of all the details. This is a totally new experience for me, and I like it… even if it does feel different. The big lesson here is that it takes practice.
What I’ve Learned About Masculine Energy Men
The one thing that has become glaringly apparent is that if I didn’t allow him to do for me, he would feel unnecessary and irrelevant. He wouldn’t know where his place is within our relationship. On our first date, he would have been extremely insulted had I offered to pay for my own dinner. That would have made him feel like less of a man. And to be honest, his take-charge masculinity makes me feel like more of a woman, and I like the feeling of being protected and taken care of when I’m with him.
When I got divorced, I knew I needed to expand my horizons. I feel like learning how to receive is an extension of this. I’m simply learning how to relax and allow things to happen, and it feels good. And as I continue to practice receiving and living in my femininity, I can already feel it becoming more comfortable for me.
I talked with a client yesterday who was having a similar experience. She also recently met a high-quality masculine energy man and was experiencing similar feelings. It’s eye-opening to learn that if you’ve never had a relationship with a high-quality man who treats you well, you may have a learning curve, but it sure makes for fun homework.
Meeting this man has also clarified that living in your feminine energy has nothing to do with giving up your independence or letting someone control you. These two concepts have nothing to do with feminine energy at all. Living in your femininity is more about letting someone step up and be a true partner to you so you can both enjoy getting to know each other at a more emotionally intimate level.
My Final Ah-Ha Moment
The one thing that stands out about my dating experience this year is that each man I met moved me closer to meeting my person. Without dating January Man and February Man, I don’t think I would have been prepared for March Man. I’m not sure I would have been open to receiving without the practice I got with these two previous men. Even though they didn’t work out for me, I felt the shift and knew meeting them was an important part of my journey.
So, if you want to find love, give yourself grace. Get a clear picture of who you’re looking for and go on an adventure to find him. You’ll never know who the right man for you is unless you meet a variety of men. Rather than give up on love, embrace those frustrating dates. Know that with every man you meet, you’re getting closer to meeting the right man for you. And the only way you won’t find love is if you stop looking.
If this all sounds good in theory, but you don’t know where to start, you can learn more about my exclusive new coaching program with my free online masterclass, How to Find Love Over 50 Without Losing Yourself. You can register here and learn how smart, successful, independent women re-ignite their love life at this stage of the journey.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
When you’re dating, what’s the hardest thing to receive? Is it compliments, nice dinners, opened doors, etc.? Have you met a man who boosts your feminine energy?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
You described yourself as scattered and silly – I’m not surprised at all. If the qualities you described are what you consider those of a “high quality man”, I’m not sure you have a lot going on upstairs.
Hi Susan I can honestly say your comment is the first time my intelligence has been questioned. LOL I’m glad I’m not serious all the time, it helps me enjoy life and love just a little bit more. Thanks for your comment. xxoo Michele
‘He could adult well.’ Are we ten? We’re mature women presumably.
What you’re describing seems very superficial. Nice, of course. But, more important, who is he? What are his values and ethics? How does he treat others? What are his interests? Does he understand and respect you? Does he make you feel good about yourself? Do you smile, laugh, or enjoy yourself when you’re with him? Do you have interesting conversations? Do you enjoy going to the same places when you go out? Or is it one sided? Is he generous or cheap, with you, with others? Do you agree with his outlook on his life life? Who cares if he pulls out your chair, opens the door, buys you an expensive meal if most of the above is missing. Been there. Got out tout suite.
Well said. My thoughts eactly.
Lori, thanks for your note. I think you missed the point of the article. I was exploring how it’s okay for independent women to lean back and share control some of the time but how strange is can feel to do that, until you practice a bit. Wishing you the best! xxoo Michele
Very well expressed, Lori. My thoughts exactly.
What is masculin energy? Yes please define. You certainly live in a different world than I do. Good men do not come around very often. I’m 75 yrs old and have seen few men in my life. A year & a half ago one good man came into my life. I have been grateful ever since. I had not dated for over 12yrs and did not have any desire to have a man in my life. He found his way to me and I’ve never been happier. He is, what I would call a real gentleman. You of my age group would understand that.
I agree with your statement that “You’ll never know who the right man for you is unless you meet a variety of men”.
I did that, not by choice but by circumstance. I didn’t need words like high energt man or high quality man. Just a man who treated me well, put me first, was kind and had a great heart. So easy to talk to so we can had meaningful conversations.
WOW! This article leaves me (almost) speechless! Feminine Energy is defined as being able to let men do things for women? High Male Energy is defined as taking a woman to high end restaurants and if a women pays for dinner, his masculinity is insulted and he would feel less like a man?? I wondered what 1950’s world this author lives in? And then I saw her pitch for her dating coaching and got it. This was a pitch for her business!
If woman OR men, don’t know how to receive gracefully, then that’s a worthy virtue to develop, especially in preparation for being older and needing help. But it’s not a masculine energy thing. What malarkey! If a man can’t handle a woman paying for dinner, if that threatens his masculinity, then he’s stuck in some notion of the roles of men and women that are outdated and he needs to evolve. In healthy partnerships, people take care of each other from the start. Looking for a “dad” to care of things means something’s not right.
I’m really disappointed to find this article on this site which I thought was trying to present positive mindsets for people over 60, not promoting 60 year old attitudes. .
Hi M.B. Thanks so much for your note. It’s always rewarding to inspire such a passionate response to an article that I’ve written. I do however, think you may have missed the point I was trying to make. Frankly, after being married to a man for 37 years who never made a doctor’s appointment, pay a bill, or plan a vacation, I found it refreshing to meet a man who had a little giddy-up and go. My point was how awkward it feels allowing him to do these types of things and how it takes practice to be able to let go of some of the control. I’m happy that you’re living your truth and wish you the best. xxoo Michele
I get exactly where you’re coming from Michelle. Had similar experience with my ex, 35 years together. Now learning it’s ok to step back and let this man handle things at times, it’s nice. It’s hard to do when you’ve always been the one to be doing it all. Not sure how far we’ll go as it’s now LD for the next 9 months but it has opened my eyes to seeing the enjoyment he gets out of being a ‘high quality’ man and that it is OK for me to step back. In some ways it’s given me a chance to rediscover myself too.
Hi Paula, thanks so much for your note. It’s nice to see that you understood the focus of the article. I’m so glad you’re enjoying your adventure! Be well my friend. xxoo Michele
Where is the line drawn between “alpha male” and “toxic masculinity” including abuse and control? I saw multiple potential “red flags” while reading the article. This is 2024. I want an equal partner not a 1950’s throwback version in an era where women were “feminine” and men were “masculine” and had stereotypical defined and limiting roles at home and in society.
Hi Lisa, I’m not a counselor but I’m guessing that when you start feeling controlled and manipulated, you’ve crossed the line to abuse and control. I’m feeling cherished and cared for, and I’m enjoying that experience. It’s brain science that masculine energy is attracted to feminine energy and feminine energy is attracted to masculine energy. No one is 100% feminine or 100% masculine.
For me, after 37 years of doing everything to keep things afloat, it’s refreshing to have someone who wants to share the load. I’m so happy you’re able to live your truth. Thanks so much for your note. Wishing you the best. xxoo Michele