Coping When Nothing Makes Sense

As a life coach, I always find myself guiding others through the twists and turns of life. Yet, there are moments when even I am left struggling with the sheer randomness and cruelty that life can throw our way. Recently, the news of a friend’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis at the tender age of 58 shook me to my core, igniting a storm of questions about purpose, fate, and the incomprehensible workings of the universe or a higher power.

In times like these, when nothing seems to make sense, it’s essential to acknowledge the depth of our emotions and the complexity of our thoughts. Here are some strategies that I’ve found helpful and share with my clients in navigating through the haze of confusion and finding a semblance of peace amidst the chaos:

Allow Yourself to Feel

When faced with a situation that defies logic or reason, it’s natural to experience a range of emotions, from shock and disbelief to anger and sorrow. Allow yourself the space to feel these emotions without judgment or suppression. Embracing our vulnerabilities is the first step toward healing.

It’s Okay to Be Angry

Anger is a valid and natural response to injustice, suffering, and the unfairness of life. Whether directed toward the universe, a higher power, or the world at large, allow yourself to acknowledge and express your anger. It’s a powerful emotion that can fuel change and propel you toward healing.

Seek Meaning in the Unexplainable

While we may never fully understand the reasons behind certain events, we can choose to find meaning in our experiences. Reflect on the lessons that adversity has taught you, the strength it has cultivated within you, or the growth opportunities that may arise from hardship.

Practice Acceptance

Acceptance does not imply resignation or approval of the situation; rather, it involves acknowledging reality as it is, without resistance or denial. Acceptance liberates us from the futile pursuit of answers to unanswerable questions and empowers us to focus our energy on what we can control.

Connect with Others

In moments of uncertainty, it’s important to lean on the support of friends, family, or a trusted community. Sharing our struggles with others not only lessens the burden but also reminds us that we are not alone in our journey.

Find Solace in Spirituality or Philosophy

Whether through prayer, meditation, or philosophical contemplation, exploring questions of meaning and existence can provide solace and perspective in times of confusion. Engage in practices that resonate with your beliefs and offer a sense of connection to something greater than yourself.

Focus on the Present Moment

When overwhelmed by thoughts of the past or worries about the future, ground yourself in the present moment. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice mindfulness or gratitude, and cultivate an appreciation for the beauty and wonder that surrounds you here and now.

Seek Professional Support

If feelings of confusion or distress persist, don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance from a therapist, counselor, or mental health professional. They can provide valuable insights, coping strategies, and a safe space to explore your emotions without judgment.

As we grow older, our sense of mortality becomes increasingly tangible, casting a shadow over our perceptions of the world and our place within it. In the face of life’s unpredictability, the weight of existential questions can feel especially burdensome, amplifying our frustrations and fears. It’s during these moments that the insignificance of trivialities becomes starkly apparent, as we grapple with the stark contrast between the fragility of life and the triviality of everyday concerns.

The realization that nothing makes sense can hit us harder as we age, as we become more acutely aware of our vulnerability to fate. By focusing on what we can control – our thoughts, actions, and attitudes – we reclaim a sense of “control” in a world that often feels beyond our grasp. Whether through nurturing meaningful relationships, pursuing passions that bring us joy, or practicing self-care and mindfulness, we can find solace and empowerment amid life’s chaos. By acknowledging our anger, embracing our vulnerabilities, and taking deliberate steps to cultivate resilience, we can navigate through uncertainty with grace, courage, and compassion.

It’s important to remember that you are resilient, capable, and worthy of love and support. By embracing the journey, allowing yourself to feel anger, finding meaning in the inexplicable, and leaning on the strength of community, we can navigate through even the darkest of times and emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate than before.

A Memory I’ve Kept

In times when nothing seems to make sense I am reminded of an exchange with a priest during my mother’s wake, where he shared an analogy that has stayed with me over the years. He likened life to a tapestry, suggesting that while on earth, we can only witness the tangled underside of its creation – a mess of threads, knots, and weavings.

However, he offered reassurance that in the afterlife, we would finally see the masterpiece in its entirety, where everything would make sense and we would marvel at its beauty. At the time, I struggled to find solace in his words, especially considering the diversity of beliefs among those present. Yet, as time passed, I came to accept his message not as a promise of clarity, but as a reminder that understanding isn’t always immediate. It’s a journey toward acceptance, where we find peace amidst life’s uncertainties.

Stuck with Emotions

As I continue to struggle with my friend’s diagnosis, I am not yet ready to take my own advice and the steps I have shared with you. I find myself stuck in a web of emotions, including lingering anger that simmers beneath the surface.

I realize that this anger may persist for some time, and I am honoring it as a natural part of my healing journey. While I may not be ready to fully embrace acceptance just yet, I recognize that it will come in its own time, as I gradually release the grip of anger and allow space for understanding and peace to unfold.

In the meantime, I am committed to supporting my friend with compassion, cherishing each moment we share. Through this process, I am reminded of the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of love in the face of life’s greatest challenges.

Remember – it’s natural and acceptable to feel that life sucks, especially when faced with overwhelming challenges or heart-wrenching circumstances. While some may offer well-intentioned platitudes about how things could always be worse, the logical mind recognizes this as little more than a temporary bandage on a gaping wound.

Acknowledging the possibility of a worse scenario doesn’t diminish the very real pain and frustration of the present. It’s okay to sit with the discomfort of feeling like life is unfair or cruel, to grieve the losses and setbacks, and to validate our emotions without comparing them to hypothetical scenarios. In honoring the depth of our struggles, we permit ourselves to heal authentically and to find the strength to persevere, one day at a time.

“Nothing that grieves us can be called little; by the external laws of proportion a child’s loss of a doll and a king’s loss of a crown are events of the same size.”
—Mark Twain, ‘Which Was the Dream?’

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you feel life isn’t fair sometimes? How do you pull through such thoughts? What negative event have you been grappling with lately?