Consider Forgiveness for a More Peaceful Life After 60
It’s hard to get to retirement age without having been wronged or hurt at some time in our life. No matter the infraction, some individuals can forgive easily and move on with their life. But there are others of us who continue to hold a grudge.
Without forgiveness, resentment and/or anger can take over our thoughts at any time when certain triggers bring up the offensive event. At the later stage of our life, when we’re attempting to get everything ready for our passing, we should consider adding forgiveness to that planning list.
I spend a good deal of my time trying to educate and inform people about being prepared for their death. My focus is usually on making sure financial and personal information is readily available for loved ones.
But preparedness for our passing involves more than just writing down our financial information. Intangibles such as downsizing, reconciliations and forgiveness are just as important.
Why Forgive?
Forgiveness is for our benefit, not the person who wronged us. The person who abused us, cheated on us or betrayed us in some way probably doesn’t care if they are forgiven or not.
If the offense was serious enough in our mind, and we cannot seem to let it go, it will continue to make us feel like we are a victim. We carry around this burden which can foster into resentment, anger and hate.
The act of forgiving allows us to move on with our life. Forgiveness heals our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. If we can embrace forgiveness of others, we allow peace, hope, gratitude and joy to enter our life in place of the anger.
How to Forgive
In order to forgive, we should first recognize that forgiveness does not mean you want reconciliation. Even if reconciliation is a goal of the forgiveness, it is not guaranteed.
To move forward with forgiveness, you must first make the decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge and anger. Think about the event that has consumed your thoughts from the other person’s point of view.
We are all just humans who make mistakes and bad judgements. Could the infraction have been unintentional? Time and a different perspective can help you to grant forgiveness. However, if you believe the hurt caused to you was deliberate, then you may need to rely on empathy and compassion to forgive.
An On-Going Process
Forgiveness is not an easy process. After months or years of carrying around hurt and resentment, just deciding one day to forgive doesn’t make everything disappear overnight. It’s our thoughts that keep the hurt alive. If we allow past events to enter our thoughts, forgiveness will not be complete.
We most likely will need to revisit and forgive numerous times before hurtful memories cease to overtake our lives. If we truly want to forgive and continually go through the process of forgiveness until our anger and resentment have all but disappeared, we will be able to move on to more positive parts of our life and, hopefully, live a more peaceful existence.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you find it easy to forgive others? In your preparedness for end of life, have you considered some intangibles like reconciliations and forgiveness? Have you ever thoroughly forgiven someone for a hurtful incident? If so, did you feel more peaceful after you forgave? Do you find it hard or easy to forgive? Please join the conversation below!
Tags Finding Happiness
3 years ago I went through a pretty horrific divorce.
It was all emotional abuse caused by jealousy that was unfounded but I ended up leaving him because I could not live that way he took more money than he should have but I needed to get out of that marriage to be okay. 18 months later he buys a small mobile home that he’s working to fix directly across the road from me. I could choose to be very angry or just forgive him because he doesn’t understand how stupid he was he has to live without me and we do some things together we don’t date but we have gone out to eat I can be his friend but I do not like him and I certainly do not love him.
But holding all that hate inside was not going to help me either.
what a trial!
How do you forgive, even to yourself emotional mental and verbal abuse by my separated spouse? It’s too ingrained in my psyche. I’m currently in trauma therapy.
What I did was spend a tremendous amount of time in self-reflection about the past, looking at it from many angles. Did this mean that I was looking to blame myself? No. But, in any relationship, it takes two people to create a problem. How, in any way did I contribute to this? I realized that, by being from a dysfunctional family background, not setting appropriate boundaries in the beginning, and the list went on and on. Did this absolve him of any fault? Absolutely not. And when I thought further, I realized that his own dysfunctional family had played a part in making him who he became, although, ultimately he was solely was responsible for those decisions. I understood better so I was able to forgive him. Would I ever forget? Would I ever trust him again? No. Would I ever choose to be with him again? No. I also realized that I had plenty of work to do so I didn’t repeat this pattern, and I haven’t.
it sounds like you’re on a good path to find the personalized suggestions for your complicated situation.
My in-laws haven’t spoken to me since 1985 and we are in different countries so I don’t feel affected by it. I was never close to them. My late mother in law died 4 years ago and she was a very mean spirited person who said wicked things about people, myself included. She dominated my husband’s father and turned his siblings against him.for marrying me.
There is nothing to forgive, I moved on a long time ago and got on with life. When my mother in law was dying my husband spent time with her as he didn’t want feelings of guilt or reproachment. Sadly, she was nasty to him even near the end.
Some things can’t be mended but life goes on. To this day I do not know what she said about me – it was bad enough for my husband to maintain he will never repeat it and we have been married for 37 years.