When I was young, I used to think that things sort-of worked out in the course of a life. I mean things, like your pots and pans and your cutlery and your living room furniture.
I imagined you bought all this stuff when you were young and then they were just ready for throwing away around the time you died.
It doesn’t seem to work out like that.
I grew up in the 1950s, where the contented suburban housewife was the prevailing image. It was easy to imagine the newly married couple all nicely set up in their newly bought house with lots of shiny new household goods given to them for their wedding.
But I never really thought about what happened after that. When was anything replaced, if at all? Like the fairy tales where people get married and live ‘happily ever after’, the ‘ever after’ for all their stuff never gets told.
In any case, this scenario didn’t happen to me, as my husband and I were very poor (two graduate students, after all), had a small wedding and didn’t get huge numbers of presents.
When we moved from our initial furnished apartment into an unfurnished one, we had to make do with a lot of hand-me-downs from my parents, putting ‘throws’ over somewhat dilapidated armchairs and the like.
I guess that should have told me something about what happens when you are somewhere in the middle – you can hand down your old furniture to your children and buy some new stuff.
And as my parents aged, I could see their furniture – and everything else – becoming a bit shabby. It didn’t seem to matter much. Much more interested in matters of the mind, they were not super house proud. Some slightly old furniture, the occasional stain on carpets and chipped coffee cups were not so serious.
At some point along the way, my husband and I moved from the US to London and, after renting for a year, we bought a house. Indeed, we bought two houses seven years apart – the second being where we continue to live almost 50 years later.
And we had to furnish these houses with all sorts of stuff, including a living room suitable for ourselves and for guests. Which we duly did.
We always tried to do everything fairly cheaply, as we were in academic jobs and did not earn much. There was no moment of splashing out on things.
Just after we moved into the larger second house, my husband saw an ad for leather furniture at a considerable discount. He had the bright idea that if we bought this, it would last well and would therefore be much cheaper ‘in the long run’.
I didn’t much like leather furniture, but I could see his point, and we bought a sofa and two chairs in a rich brown colour. I tried to soften them with bright cushions, pictures on the wall and a nice carpet on the floor.
And now aged 82 and 83, I think we have reached the famous ‘long run’. The leather furniture did last. And last. All this time.
We thought we might have downsized by now, but somehow that never happened.
So here we are with the same sofa and armchairs. Only, they are cracked here and there and are looking very shabby. I put thick tape over the worst of the cracks, but that only highlights the predicament.
Indeed, when we invited our energetic 18-year-old grandson with three of his friends recently, we decided we didn’t dare sit them in the living room because they might tear the furniture accidentally – and we didn’t want to embarrass them.
What to do? I think our only choice is to buy new furniture. Which we won’t be using for all that long for obvious reasons.
We can afford it but are loathe to spend the money. We try to be frugal more than ever, so that our children – and, more importantly, our two grandchildren – will inherit as much as possible.
The youngest generation will be facing a mountain of debts, with rising university and housing costs and the more we can save toward them the better.
And, not surprisingly, it doesn’t stop with a new sofa and some armchairs! Everywhere I look, there is need to update.
Are we the only household where the husband argues that a few holes in his undershirts or pyjamas don’t really matter?
There are many aspects to growing old and many of them I like. The need to buy new things is not one of them – and I suspect everyone has seen older people ‘making do’ with what they own.
It’s a pity one cannot buy things with a built-in obsolescence rate calibrated to your own decline. Then, things would sort-of work out in the course of a life (as I wished at the outset of this piece).
People like us wouldn’t be faced with the need for a new sofa.
Have you had to buy new things at a late stage? Was it a pleasure to have bright new things or an annoyance at the need to spend the money at this point? Do you keep some things, like clothes or anything else, well beyond their time?
Tags Downsizing Your Life
What a great topic that no one ever talks about. I need to replace 20-year-old wall-to-wall carpeting in my great room, but reluctant to do so. Not because of the money, but for the inconvenience and disruption of my organized environment. It would mean moving furniture, contents, taking down drapes, etc. And while I was at it, I might as well have new drapes installed and the walls painted. Again, it’s not the money that concerns me, it’s the mess and disruption! At my age, I just can’t even thing about it. Too much stress for a 73-year-old.
I hear ya! We’ve been waiting for TWO WEEKS to get painters here that were scheduled two weeks ago. Our tiny house has things jammed in every single room of the house. Driving me CRAZY! I put it off for a few years because of all the havoc it would cause. However it got to the point it was causing me constant stress that outweighed the hassle. The end result will be well worth it. (carpet replacement is happening this year too).
Not a fan of this article because I feel we need to evolve from that mentality…I’m tired of pinching pennies for over 60 years…be happy, but not out of control with your spending buying something i need or maybe even want is a great accomplishment that proves hard work does pay off …enjoy
Exactly…I find the article pathetic
I am not a random spender but I know when I need to appropriate funds for things I need. I truly believe “scarcity mentality” is not healthy. I have observed that penny-pinching people who really know they have enough money, often have a preoccupation with it, which affects their ability to just enjoy life. It becomes an emotional issue, I believe.
Reading your reasoning for not getting new furniture frankly amazed me. I felt I picked up some preoccupation with impending death, which I can see might be justified if you suffer from a chronic and incurable illness. But since you are well enough to stand on your head (I watched the demonstration on YouTube) I assume that is not the case. So, bottom line: Replacing your furniture is necessary, as you acknowledged. But, ongoing toleration of its sorry state seems to be winning over doing it. Would such an expenditure fit the description of “bright new things” or would it be simply good sense to buy what you need?
(Even underwear.)
You have the funds to pay for it but you are considering using that money to salt even more away as an inheritance for your grandchildren? I would imagine they would feel better now if they could sit on something decent in the room where guests would normally be invited to be. Do you redirect all guests to a different room? I am not suggesting to be overly concerned with what others think. This is about you and enjoyment of your home.
My advice: I would rationally decide the appropriate amount to get what you need. If you need to justify the purchase in your mind, sell some stuff you really don’t use, don’t like, or don’t need and apply the acquired dough toward the cost.
In any case, buy what you need; buy what you like; and enjoy every moment of sitting on it. Top of the line? maybe not, but good quality and comfortable. If you go forward be sure you both sit on every inch of it instead of choosing sight-unseen from a catalog. (That can be a major mistake.) Be sure to measure carefully.
Other items like rugs, etc. that may need replacing are available both used and new without breaking the bank.
I’ve got you beat by several years, as I approach 90. My home environment is very important to me so I have a beautiful apartment where I live in Ecuador. I made it colorful, practical, and inviting. Lots of DYI. I acquired most of my practically-new furniture from expats who returned to their own country. Yes, even now, if I needed to replace a piece of furniture, I would do it.
Best wishes.
Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughts. We are all different and I am very happy that you live in a beautiful apartment. That’s the way things should be. But this is not an emotional issue re death – my hesitation is because I don’t care enough what my furniture looks like. And I hate shopping (I wrote a post about that about a month ago). My husband is not very well but is quite rightly unwilling to buy something sight unseen, so it requires us both feeling in the mood to go out looking for something suitable and comfortable. It’s all a nuisance. But I have more joy in life than I can believe because we laugh a lot and talk a lot and explore ideas together all the time. Furniture is just furniture – not very interesting to either of us.
I find myself not wanting to replace things, but realizing that some of our furniture contributes to aches and pains, so…..
I am a calligrapher. I’ve just turned 71. When I want to buy an expensive tool or art supply I always measure it against : Will I get enough use out of it? How many times in the future will I employ this product? How difficult is it to learn how to use the new product? I am buying alot less. Thank you for the wonderful article about a topic that isn’t discussed much.