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Thinking of Going Alcohol Free? 8 Mistakes to Avoid

I recently celebrated 8 years of sobriety – getting sober at 63 was probably the best decision I ever made. It took lots of attempts and plenty of mistakes, but it finally stuck.

My Mistakes on the Road to Sobriety

If you want to try an alcohol-free lifestyle then make sure to avoid my 8 mistakes!

Mistake #1 – Waiting for Rock Bottom

I knew I had a problem, but I was in denial for years, convincing myself that I wasn’t that bad. I couldn’t possibly be an alcoholic because I was holding down a responsible job and raising a family. An alcoholic was that homeless man in the park who had lost everything – that wasn’t me!

Mistake #2 – Moderation

I spent a decade stuck in the Moderation Trap. Once I’d learned that the low-risk limits of alcohol are just one and a half bottles of wine a week, I decided that I would drink within those limits. It was only when I tried (and failed) to do that that I realised just how dependent I had become.

Mistake #3 – Fearing Failure

I almost never got started on this life changing journey because I believed I would fail. I just couldn’t imagine quitting alcohol, never having a drink again. I knew that I had tried (and failed) to moderate my drinking again and again. Surely it would be even harder to quit completely?

Mistake #4 – Worrying About Other People

Peer pressure is powerful. I was trapped in my drinking because I couldn’t bear to peel away from the herd and be different. As an introvert and a people pleaser I didn’t want to be the centre of attention as I was bombarded with questions about why I wasn’t drinking.

Mistake #5 – Being Influenced by Marketing

As a teenager I believed that alcohol was cool. Wine became the essential parenting aid as I joined the mommy juice culture. Mid-life challenges needed wine as did juggling a career with family life. Retirement gave me time to relax and drink even more wine!

Mistake #6 – Waiting for Happiness to Strike

I had relied on alcohol to make me feel good for such a long time that I missed those chemical highs when I stopped. During my first few months of sobriety, I didn’t change anything in my life. I just didn’t drink. I expected to feel happy because I was sober. But I didn’t, I felt flat and rather depressed.

Mistake #7 – Being Depressed About Quitting

I had to quit for health reasons and was horrified at the prospect of an alcohol-free life. I imagined that an alcohol-free life would be a grey and boring existence. Alcohol had become so entrenched in my life that I had no idea how I would socialise, relax or have fun without it.

Mistake #8 – Trying to Do It Alone

I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t be happy with just “one glass” of wine like some of my friends. I tried (and failed) to quit over and over. I was ashamed of my drinking problem and wanted to fix it myself. I didn’t want to reach out for help or join a community.

Learning from My Mistakes – 8 Tips!

TIP #1: Do It Now!

Alcohol dependence is like an elevator, and it’s only going down. The longer you leave it the worse it will get, so if you’re worried about your drinking – take measures NOW!

Tip #2: Forget Moderation!

If you could moderate, you would have done it by now. People who can moderate just do it naturally. They might have a glass of champagne at a wedding, but alcohol is not really on their radar.

TIP #3: Progress Not Perfection

Making progress should be your strategy. Some people have many Day Ones, but the important thing is to keep trying. Do it in stages. A week, two weeks, 30 days, 100 days, 6 months and then a year.

Get an Annual Tracker from janet@tribesober.com.

TIP #4: Have Your Reasons Ready

Just smile and say, “I’m taking a break from the booze because I’ve not been sleeping well,” and remember it’s not your responsibility to make other people feel comfortable about their drinking!

TIP #5: Change Your Thinking… About Drinking

Reflect and question the limiting beliefs you hold about alcohol. Do you really need alcohol to have fun, to relax, to console yourself for a difficult day? Explore new ways to manage these situations.

TIP #6: Reconfigure Your Life!

When you quit drinking, you can’t just leave everything the same. You’ll need to change your routines and get new interests. New hobbies and a new community will keep your happy brain chemicals triggered.

TIP #7: Get Excited!

Get excited about this life changing opportunity! You are going to look better, feel better, sleep better and be full of energy. Ditching the booze is the best thing we can do for our health and happiness as we get older.

TIP # 8: Find Your People

The joy of connecting with others on this journey is that we realise we are NOT alone. 20% of social drinkers will become dependent over the years. There is such power and relief in sharing our stories with others in a community like Tribe Sober.

Sober Curious? Join Our Free Sobriety Bootcamp

From 5-9th June Tribe Sober will be running a Bootcamp on the Sobriety Bootcamp Facebook Group. Daily tasks, trainings, articles and connection.

Let’s Have a Conversation

Have you ever tried to cut down or quit drinking? Did you make any of my 8 mistakes? Have you ever been in denial about your drinking? What kind of hobbies and interests do you have now that you are retired? Do you drink more than a bottle and a half of wine a week? Are you aware of the health risks of alcohol for older people? Which was the most helpful of the 8 tips?

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Peggy Brodland

Excellent article. I recently did the 66 day challenge via Tribe Sober and my experience was eye opening. This journey of taking a long look at my relationship with alcohol has caused me to rewire my thinking. I’m a fan! ❤️

janet gourand

we are thrilled that you like our approach Peggy – please join our free Bootcamp next week!

Rachel

During my decades-long drinking career, I made all of these mistakes… many times over!

The top three tips for me here were, and are:
Do it now.
Find your people.
Get excited!

I have to tell you, I was really surprised by that last one. I have attempted quitting drinking alcohol, many times, and occasionally successfully for extended sober stretches. But no one ever said “get excited.” What kind of crazy talk are you on about? We are talking about the “liquid courage” that makes human existence possible on this planet. All attempts to live without it are painful, lonely, boring… right?!?
When you said that to me, Janet “get excited Rachel, you’re about to embark on a life changing journey! we are here for you 🤓💕” something clicked. You opened a door and light flooded the dark dread that I felt from my repeated failures. I had lost hope in ever freeing myself from that abusive relationship with alcohol.

I joined Tribe Sober that day. I downloaded the “One month challenge” tracker. I started connecting with the community on the WhatsApp groups.
Yesterday, I posted my completed one month challenge tracker. Today I signed up for the 5-day intensive “bootcamp.”
I am doing it, now.
I found my people.
I’m excited !

Much gratitude to you Janet, Sue, and everyone who makes Tribe Sober a vibrant healthy community of support, encouragement, and education.

janet gourand

oh wow Rachel you just made my day! I also imagined that Soberland would be a dull and depressing place and my experience of AA just reinforced that feeling – it took me a while to get there but these days I can put my hand on my heart and say “get excited” – ditching the booze is life changing and definitely one of the best things we can do for our health and happiness as we get older! Many congrats on your 30 days and I look forward to working with you in Bootcamp next week Janet xx

Barbara

Wonderfully supportive and accurate. Never give up.

janet gourand

absolutely Barbara, so important to keep trying and remember that quitting the booze will be hard for a few months but then it’s done and our life improves dramatically – whereas if we carry on drinking we get more dependent and our health will deteriorate – thats much harder and there is no end to it… “choose your hard”

Flic

Top class article, Janet!! The decision to quit, and not moderate, is one of the best decisions I’ve made!! Thank you to you and Tribe Sober for the “tools in the toolkit”!! Xx

janet gourand

ah thank you Flic – you are one of our star pupils and we thank you for “paying it forward” and helping the newbies to succeed!

Sue

Great article Janet , after over 7 years of sobriety i know it was the best decision ever , i stopped at 57 and every book i read about meno pause the 1st thing it said was stop drinking , i am so happy that i dont have a life that revolves around alcohol anymore , thanks Tribe Sober for keeping me busy and motivated x

Rachel

During my decades-long drinking career, I made all of these mistakes… many times over!
The top three tips for me here were, and are:
Do it now.
Find your people.
Get excited!
I have to tell you, I was really surprised by that last one. I have attempted quitting drinking alcohol, many times, and occasionally successfully for extended sober stretches. But no one ever said “get excited.” What kind of crazy talk are you on about? We are talking about the “liquid courage” that makes human existence possible on this planet. All attempts to live without it are painful, lonely, boring… right?!?
When you said that to me, Janet “ get excited Rachel, you’re about to embark on a life changing journey! we are here for you 🤓💕” something clicked. You opened a door and light flooded the dark dread that I felt from my repeated failures. I had lost hope in ever freeing myself from that abusive relationship with alcohol.
I joined Tribe Sober that day. I downloaded the “One month challenge” tracker. I started connecting with the community on the WhatsApp groups.
Yesterday, I posted my completed one month challenge tracker. Today I signed up for the 5-day intensive “bootcamp.”
I am doing it, now.
I found my people.
I’m excited !

much gratitude to you Janet, and everyone who makes Tribe Sober a vibrant healthy community of support, encouragement, and education.

janet gourand

it’s lovely to have a colleague who is just as passionate about sobriety as I am! – thank you for helping to keep the Tribe Sober show on the road! xx

The Author

Janet Gourand is a writer, a podcaster and a recovery coach. She quit drinking in 2015 at the age of 63. She founded Tribe Sober which enables people to change their relationship with alcohol. Tribe Sober is an international community which offers a membership program.

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