6 Lessons My Mother Taught Me About (Not) Aging Well
Sometimes we learn what to do from someone who did it all wrong. I found myself realizing that I learned a lot about aging well from my mother. Sadly, the lessons are not ones I want to repeat.
My mother was the same age as I am now when her health began to change drastically. Yes, she had some pre-existing health conditions, but they could have been managed.
Her decline began after my dad died. The downward spiral from socially active and mobile to disabled occurred over a very short period of time and was caused by a number of factors:
Lack of physical activity and exercise – a loss of strength, endurance, balance, and flexibility.
- Social isolation
- Poor mental health
- Inadequate nutrition
- Lack of interests and hobbies
- Complications from a fall
Soon it was a cycle of poor health that became cumulative, with one problem compounding another and another.
Lack of Physical Activity and Exercise
The simple fact is that my mother’s muscles atrophied. She became reclusive, going out less and less. I lived four hours away and tried to monitor things by phone and visits.
Over time, she became a fall risk. She lost strength in her legs, had no stamina to go up a few stairs, lost her balance easily and did not have the flexibility to catch herself if she started to fall. She began using a walker.
Eventually, she did agree to move to a beautiful assisted living facility and for a short time things improved. But the improvements were short lived.
Her inactivity increased to the point that she was no longer able to transfer safely from her bed to a chair. She could not walk – even with the walker. She eventually required a wheelchair.
Social Isolation
Ultimately – even though there was a lot of activity around her – she became socially isolated. She refused to participate in even the simplest of activities and preferred to be alone in her room. She began to sleep more than she was awake.
Poor Mental Health
Mental health can be a chicken and egg dilemma. The more inactive you are and the more socially isolated, the greater the impact on your mental health. A predisposition to depression took hold.
Inadequate Nutrition
Depression certainly impacts appetite. But even before the depression was diagnosed, food became secondary – even with someone else doing all the work.
Lack of Interests and Hobbies
My mom used to like to garden – she had over 200 rose bushes at one point. She liked to play cards, visit with friends, cook and do things for others. She liked volunteering at a local not for profit agency. But slowly she lost interest in everything.
Complications from a Fall
Predictably, she became more and more of a fall risk. One night she tried to get out of bed alone, fell and broke her hip. She died of complications within six weeks.
Aging Well Is a Choice
As we turn 60, we have choices.
In their book Younger Next Year – Live Strong, Fit and Sexy – Until You’re 80 and Beyond Chris Crowley and Dr. Henry Lodge make a very compelling argument for taking charge of our health and our future.
Some 70 percent of premature death and aging is lifestyle related. Heart attacks, strokes, the common cancers, diabetes, most falls, fractures and serious injuries, and many more illnesses are primarily caused by the way we live.
Yes, dealing with mental health challenges and depression does not make it easy to make the right choices, but we have to try. Commit to making your own action plan, guaranteeing you can stay young at heart, and mentally and physically healthy. Here are a few tips…
Get moving and stay moving! You may not want to go for walk or to an exercise class – get over it! Do it because it’s a matter of life and death.
Get involved with something or someone. Keep your social connections. Care about someone other than yourself and this way you will both age well.
If you get the flu, covid, or other virus go the doctor. If you feel anxious or depressed, go to the doctor. Mental health is as critical as your physical health.
Follow a nutritious meal plan. There are lots of great resources to help you eat well, manage your weight, and maintain your energy.
Keep your brain active and engaged. Learn a new language, take music lessons, or read a good book.
Focus on your balance and flexibility. Look around your home and do a quick safety audit to be sure there is nothing that could contribute to your falling.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Premature aging and death is lifestyle related. What do you think are the keys to aging well? What one healthy lifestyle change have you made recently? Please join the conversation.
Tags Healthy Aging
OMG! I can almost see myself in this, although I’m in reasonably good health, I’m living in a non-marriage (housemates, really) and it is weighing on my mental state. Just living like robots. I work part time which gets me out of the house. At least they like me at work and interested in what I gave to say about anything. I’m 70, but my co-workers think I’m 50 something…only my boss knows for sure! Lol. I want to just leave and get an apt. But I have 35 years tied up in a house ….and he has no intention of leaving…just feel so stuck
Peggy, I can relate! I’m 67 and haven’t worked out of the home in 31 years, so I have a small Social Security check. I’ve worked way harder than he ever has for my entire life, but he disrespects and denigrates the work that I have done all these years raising four children, two adopted with special needs, and maintaining a household. He controls all the money, and I have to submit an itemized bill for him to grudgingly reimburse me for food and other household expenses. He is controlling and refuses to get a job now. I’m seeing a good therapist due to anxiety, insomnia and depression. I’m in the Denver area. Do you live anywhere near here?
I think we cannot understand the depth of despair that one must feel after losing their spouse and/or the father of their children. I cannot imagine the void one must feel when they lose their life long partner or best friend. It can sadly seem that life is now a chore with little personal joy for the widow or widower. I can empathize with their succumbing to a mindset of apathy and even depression and feeling as if life has little or no purpose as they now have to venture life alone.
How old was your Mother when she died? My Mother died right after her 92nd birthday. She was very active and drove until she was 89. My Father died in 1986 when he was just 62 but my Mother kept going on. After she couldn’t drive and had to rely on me and my son to take her places, that was very hard on her. She had some dementia that worsened. When she was 91 we finally convinced Mom for her safety to move to assisted living. She would not allow them to help her get dressed and gel and broke her hip. She died 6 weeks later. She never recovered. My Mom was a good example of staying active and having friends. I think that is why she lived until age 92.
Hi Suzanne, great article. I am 63 and dont think of myself as old at all! No way. I don’t even think of myself as a senior lol 😂
May I please have links to your website Healthy Active Seniors.
Have a lovely day..
jules from Oz 🦋
I agree, but, at the same time, I’m struggling with adult children very recently who have, in my opinion, decided to shut me out from doing what I used to enjoy, hosting large family meals. I’d be glad to just bring something along, it’s not that I have to be in charge, but they tell me they have it covered. I know they have concerns about my finances and whether this has become too much for me as I become older, but, I still need to feel like I have a purpose. Back when my family decided that my great grandmother could no longer take her chickens to market every Saturday, since they felt this was too much for her, she gave up on life and died soon afterwards. This was what she enjoyed doing. In my case, I’ll have to find another outlet for my energy and creative flow. I won’t let that happen to me.