4 Ways to Regain Trust with Men and Start Dating Again After 60
Nothing hurts more than when a relationship has ended, especially when betrayal is involved in some way. When a man has lied to you and betrayed your trust, picking up the pieces and moving forward can feel daunting.
You may feel shame for not having seen the signs that something was amiss. Or you may feel angry with yourself for allowing a man into your life who had the capacity to break your heart.
You stop trusting yourself and you stop trusting men, making them jump hoops to prove they aren’t going to hurt you. You begin looking for perfection – which, by the way, doesn’t exist. And no man is ever good enough in your eyes.
Fear is holding you back as you try to keep yourself safe.
I want to share 4 tips that can help you learn to trust men and yourself again, so you can have the man and relationship in your life that you desire.
Tip #1: Healing and Forgiving
Take some time to heal when you’ve been hurt. It’s painful to think you played a part in attracting someone who could be so bad for you. But you did, and the best way to start the healing process is through forgiveness.
There is an amazing healing practice called Ho’opononpono that I’ve used with clients to help heal the pain in their hearts.
You repeat 4 simple sentences while focusing on forgiveness…
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
You say them over and over again until you feel a release happen. The practice of Ho’opononpono is an amazing story worth Googling. Its healing powers are well documented.
As long as you hold anger towards yourself, or a man from your past, you are still connected and you can’t move forward. If you find you have trouble letting go, reach out to a therapist to work on this before you decide to date again.
Tip #2: One Bad Man, Doesn’t Make All Men Bad
I teach all my VIP clients to identify how they view the men they want to date using a tool called Trust Glasses. When you wear what I call the grey stormy pair, it means you are looking at men with the mindset that a man is going to hurt you until he proves otherwise.
You end up making him jump hoops over and over again to prove his worthiness because you’re afraid. Often, you end up losing out on a potential partner who might be perfect for you.
Instead, consider wearing the turquoise glasses. These glasses are like a calm ocean where you can see beautiful fish swimming close to the surface yet also see the bottom and any dangers that might be lurking.
With the turquoise glasses, you go on a date to meet someone new and interesting. Take your time before creating a relationship. See how a man acts around you and whether his actions consistently follow his words.
Words are cheap. Actions are what count, and men who don’t follow up on their words are the ones who will break your heart.
Tip #3: Really Listen to What a Man Is Saying to You
If a man shares stories about having cheated on his wife or another girlfriend, end it right then and there. This is a huge red flag that spells trouble. If he did it once, he can do it again – but this time you’ll be the one who gets hurt.
I can’t tell you the number of clients who tell me in hindsight that they walked right past these types of words thinking this man would never cheat on them, yet he does.
Men mean what they say. Pay attention. If you listen, you’ll know you can trust yourself to make the best decision for you.
Tip #4: Get Clear On the Values That Are Important to You
I have my clients identify their top 15-20 values when we create their Quality Man Template, a tool that helps them identify the right man for them.
It’s interesting that when they look back, they are often shocked at how many values were missing in the men they’d dated. For a relationship to work, you need to share the same values.
Knowing the values that are important to you will empower you and will help you trust and recognize whether or not you’re with the right man.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How are you dealing with trust issues with men in your 60s? Did you overcome being hurt in a relationship and find love again? Please share your experiences below!
Tags Senior Dating Advice
Hello, I am finding your articles very powerful and helpful. As a 62-year-old woman who has been widowed twice (at 42 and at 58), I hadn’t even thought about meeting another man until someone took a shining to me at a professional conference where we were both presenting. We live in two different states, he travels a lot even though recently retired, and he has children with two different women. These were all red flags for me (though I’m not giving you all the details) and after trying to be in a relationship with him for four months, it became crystal clear that everything I feared would be the case is true. His life is so chaotic, and often his outreach to me involved his seeking comfort and not returning the attention, that I had to end the relationship. Because I’ve suffered two deaths of my husbands, I didn’t want to completely close contact with this man. After our last conversation, though, it’s apparent to me that he will continue to just talk at me even in friendship. Gradually, this will peter out. Thank you for giving me space to speak about this in your community.
Hi Charlotte….glad writing your thoughts out gave you clarity on the relationship. I love that you are honoring what you need in a relationship with a man that’s best for you. That is so awesome. Feel free to visit my website for more dating advice that will guide you in identifying the ideal man for you in the future. https://findaqualityman.com/
I would love to be in a loving, trusting relationship again but trust is the word something I haven’t had in a long time because of being cheated and lied to. It really hurts. And I am 68 I often wonder how much longer do I have here on earth 🌎 and is it worth my time now even trying. I had a driver (an retired teacher) ask me out, he seemed nice I told him to call as he already had my number. Then next day he calls me frantically asking me not to call him because he was getting back with his girlfriend. I wished him well then thought to myself why did I trust this at all. So I just don’t know. I’ve been on my own for some time and I’m just fine with it but sometimes I think about a relationship thank goodness I have a really great girlfriend I’ve known for 60 years lol 😆
Hi Lotus….you are not alone in feeling this way about trust. Unlike when we were in our 20’s and came relatively baggage free, today as we’ve aged and added kids, grandkids, exes, etc, everyone comes with a trunk load of stuff. Love is very possible to find with a Quality Man in your 60’s. My clients attract great men all the time. The secret is learning to trust your picker based on getting clear on exactly who they want today. You’ll see that I said today. The reason why???? Because so many of us date like we did in our 20’s and are out there looking for the type of man they were attracted to back then so they end up missing good guys who would be a perfect match for them today. Does this help you feel a little more inspired that its possible?
Thanks for this article. I am a 60 year old woman physician with a with a practice focused on women and Ann on women and child and pediatric care and I have five beautiful children. I was in a wonderful, loving marriage for 28 years, which suddenly began to crumble after my husband started a relationship “on the side” and the the trauma of his time in the military emerged as a restless anger that was difficult for all of us he filed for divorce eventually and life continued he died suddenly, four years ago, throwing our children and me into another unexpected turmoil. Since then I’ve been quite changed. I have less energy less than Thusi Azem, and spend too much time. In regret.
I had a very thorough, loving relationship after my marriage for several years, which ended because I had to move back to be with my children and since then I’ve been very hesitant to get into the dating world because I don’t feel like I have much to offer. Your article help me rethink that because what no one understands is that when you’re in your 60s, even if you’re vibrant and lively at heart the reality of life can really where are you down?
So today before I begin daily tasks, I’m gonna sit and consider the tips you gave all of us with great gratitude and see what happens if I.
Hi Hennie…I’m sorry your love life has been so challenging. Thank you for letting me know that you found hope in this article. Finding love at this time in our lives is possible. You can do this!
I was lucky enough to find my wonderful husband 17 years ago. After having kissed a few frogs and marrying a psycho when I was young, my prince finally came along. So they are out there – you just having to stop looking and believe in yourself and it happens when you least expect it.
Thanks for sharing!!
Congrats Pamela! This is so awesome :)